THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (4)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
On a pattern like this, by daylight, there is a lack of sequence, a defiance of law, that is a ' constant irritant to a normal mind.
The color is hideous enough, and unreliable enough, and infuriating enough, but the pattern is torturing.
You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well underway in following, it turns a back-somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you. It is like a bad dream.
The outside pattern is a florid arabesque, reminding one of a fungus. If you can imagine a toadstool in joints, an interminable string of toadstools, budding and sprouting in endless convolutions - why, that is something like it.
That is, sometimes!
There is one marked peculiarity about this paper, a thing nobody seems to notice but myself, and that is that it changes as the light changes.
When the sun shoots in through the east window - I always watch for that first long, straight ray - it changes so quickly that I never can quite believe it.
That is why I watch it always.
By moonligh - the moon shines in all night when there is a moon - I wouldn't know it was the same paper.
At night in any kind of light, in twilight, candlelight, lamplight, and worst of all by moonlight, it becomes bars! The outside pattern I mean, and the woman behind it is as plain as can be.
I didn't realize for a long time what the thing was that showed behind, that dim sub-pattern, but now I am quite sure it is a woman.
By daylight she is subdued, quiet. I fancy it is the pattern that keeps her so still. It is so puzzling. It keeps me quiet by the hour.
I lie down ever so much now. John says it is good for me, and to sleep all I can.
Indeed he started the habit by making me lie down for an hour after each meal.
It is a very bad habit I am convinced,. for you see I don't sleep. And that cultivates deceit, for I don't tell them I'm awake - O no !
The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John.
He seems very queer sometimes, and even Jennie has an inexplicable look.
It strikes me occasionally, just as a scientific hypothesis, - that perhaps it is· the paper!
I have watched John when he did not know I was looking, and come into the room suddenly on the most innocent excuses, and I've caught him several times. looking at the paper! And Jennie too. I caught Jennie with her hand on it once.
She didn't know I was in the room,. and when I asked her in a quiet, a very quiet voice, with the most restrained manner possible, what she was doing with the paper - she turned around as if she had been caught stealing, and looked quite angry - asked me why I should frighten her so !
Then she said that the paper stained everything it touched, that she had found yellow smooches on all my clothes and John's, and she wished we would be more' careful !
Did not that sound innocent? But I know she was studying that pattern, and I am determined that nobody shall find it out but myself!
* * * * * *
Life is very much more excltmg now than it used to be. You see I have something more to expect, to look forward to,. to watch. I really do eat better, and am more quiet than I was.
John is so pleased to see me improve! He laughed a little the other day, and said I seemed to be flourishing in spite of my wall-paper.
I turned it off with a laugh. I had no intention of telling him it was because of the wall-paper - he would make fun of me. He might even want to take me away.
I don't want to leave now until I have found it out. There is a week more, and I think that will be enough.
* * * * * *
I'm feeling ever so much better! I don't sleep much at night, for it is so interesting to watch developments: but I sleep a good deal in the daytime.
In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing.
There are always new shoots on the fungus, and new shades of yellow all over it. I cannot keep count of them, though I have tried conscientiously.
It is the strangest yellow, that wallpaper! It makes me think of all the yellow things I ever saw - not beautiful ones like buttercups, but old foul, bad yellow things.
But there is something else about that paper - the smell! I noticed it the moment we came into the room, but with so much air and sun it was not bad. Now we have had a week of fog and rain, and whether the windows are open or not, the smell is here.
It creeps all over the house.
I find it hovering in the dining-room,skulking in the parlor, hiding in the hall, lying in wait for me on the stairs.
It gets into my hair.
Even when I go to ride, if I turn my head suddenly and surprise it - there is that smell !
Such a peculiar odor, too! I have:spent hours in trying to analyze it, to find what it smelled like.
It is not bad - at first, and very gentle, hut quite the subtlest, most enduring odor I ever met.
In this damp weather it is awful, I wake up in the night and find it hanging over me.
It used to disturb me at first. I thought seriously of burning the house - to reach the smell.
But now I am used to it. The only thing I can think of that it is like is the color of the paper! A yellow smell.
There is a very funny mark on this wall, low down, near the mopboard. A streak that runs round the room. It goes behind every piece of furniture, except the bed, a long, straight, even smooch, as if it had been rubbed over and over.
I 'wonder how it was done and who did it, and what they did it for. Round and round and round - round and round and round - it makes me dizzy!
* * * * *
I really have discovered something at last.
Through watching so much at night, when it changes so, I have finally found out.
The front pattern does move -and no wonder! The woman behind shakes it!
Sometimes I think there are a great many women behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around fast, and her crawling shakes it all over.
Then in the very ' bright spots she keeps still, and in the very shady spots she just takes hold of the bars and shakes them hard.
And she is all the time trying to climb through. But nobody could climb through that pattern - it strangles so; I think that is why it has so many heads.
They get through, and then the pattern strangles them off and turns them upside down, and makes their eyes white!
If those heads were covered or taken off it would not be half so bad.
* * * * * *
I think that woman gets out in the daytime!
And I'll tell you why - privately I've seen her!
I can see her out of everyone of my windows!
It is the same woman, I know, for she s always creeping, and most women do not creep by daylight.
I see her in that long shaded lane, creeping up and down.
I see her in hose dark grape's arbors, creeping all around the garden.
I see her on that long road under the trees, creeping along, and when a carriage comes she hides under the blackberry vines.
I don't blame her a bit. It must be very humiliating to be caught creeping by daylight !
I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can't do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at once.
And John is so queer now, that I don't want to irritate him. I wish he would ake another room! Besides, I don't want anybody to get that woman out at night but myself.
I often wonder if I could see her out of all the windows at once.
But, turn as fast as I can, I can only see out of one at one time.
And though I always see her, she may be able to creep faster than I can turn !
I have watched her sometimes away off in the open country, creeping as fast as a cloud shadow in a high wind.
* * * * * *
If only that top pattern could be gotten off from the under one! I mean to try it, little by little.
I have found out another funny thing, but I shan't tell it this time! It does not do to trust people too much.
There are only two more days to get this paper off, and I believe John is beginning to notice. I don't like the look in his eyes.
And I heard him ask Jennie a lot of professional questions about me. She had a very good report to give.
She said I slept a good deal in the daytime. John 'knows I don't sleep very well at night, for all I'm so quiet!
He asked me all sorts of questions, too, and pretended to be very loving and kind.
As if I couldn't see through him!
Still, I don't wonder he acts so, sleeping under this paper for three months.
It only interests me, but I feel sure John and Jennie are secretly affected by it.
* * * * * *
Hurrah! This is the last day, but it is enough. John to stay in town over night, and won't be out until this evening.
Jennie wanted to sleep with me - the sly thing! but I told her I should undoubtedly rest better for a night all alone.
That was clever, for really I wasn't alone a bit! As soon as it was moonlight and that poor thing began to crawl and shake the pattern, I got up and ran to help her.
I pulled and she shook, I shook and she pulled, and before morning we had peeled off yards of that paper.
A strip about as high as my head and half around the room.
And then when the sun came and that awful pattern began to laugh at me, I declared I would finish it to-day !
We go away to-morrow, and they are moving all my furniture down again to leave things as they were before.
Jennie looked at the wall in amazement, but I told her merrily that I did it out of pure spite at the vicious thing.
She laughed and said she wouldn't mind doing it herself, but I must not get tired.
How she betrayed herself that time!
But I am here, and no person touches this paper but me, - not alive!
She tried to get me out of the roomit was too patent! But I said it was so quiet and empty and clean now that I believed I would lie down again and sleep all I could; and not to wake me even for dinner - I would call when I woke.
So now she is gone, and the servants are gone, and the things are gone, and there is nothing left but that great bedstead nailed down, with the canvas mattress we found on it.
We shall sleep downstairs to-night, and take the boat home to-morrow.
I quite enjoy the room, now it is bare again.
How those children did tear about here!
This bedstead is fairly gnawed!
But I must get to work.
I have locked the door and thrown the key down into the front path.
I don't want to go out, and I don't want to have anybody come in, till John comes.
I want to astonish him.
I've got a rope up here that even J ennie did not find. If that woman does get out, and tries to get away, I can tie her!
But I forgot I could not reach far without anything to stand on !
This bed will not move!
I tried to lift and push it until I was lame, and then I got so angry I bit off a little piece at one corner - but it hurt my teeth.
Then I peeled off all the paper I could reach standing on the floor. It sticks horribly and the pattern just enjoys it ! All those strangled heads and bulbous eyes and waddling fungus growths just shriek with derision.
I am getting angry enough to do something desperate. To jump out of the window would be admirable exercise, but the bars are too strong even to try.
Besides I wouldn't do it. Of course not. I know well enough that a step like that is improper and might be misconstrued.
I don't like to look out of the windows even - there are so many of those creeping women, and they creep so fast.
I wonder if they all come out of that wall-paper as I did?
But I am securely fastened now by my well-hidden rope -you don't get me out in the road there !
I suppose I shall have to get back behind the pattern when it comes night, and that is hard!
It is so pleasant to be out in this great room and creep around as I please!
I don't want to go outside. I won't, even if Jennie asks me to. For outside you have to creep on the ground, and everything is green instead of yellow.
But here I can creep smoothly on the floor, and my shoulder just fits in that long smooch around the wall, so I cannot lose my way. Why there's John at the door!
It is no use, young man, you can't open it !
How he does call and pound!
Now he's crying for an axe.
It would be a shame to break down that beautiful door!
"John dear!" said I in the gentlest voice, "the key is down by the front steps, under a plantain leaf!"
That silenced him for a few moments.
Then he said - very quietly indeed, "Open the door, my darling!"
"I can't," said I. "The key is down by the front door under a plantain leaf!"
And then I said it again, several times. very gently and slowly, and said it so often that he had to go and see, and he got it of course, and came in. He stopped short by the door.
"What is the matter?" he cried. "For God's sake, what are you doing!"
I kept on creeping just the same, but I looked at him over my shoulder.
"I've got out at last," said I, "in spite of you and Jane? And I've pulled off most of the paper, so you can't put me back!"
Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time!
(1892)
------------------------------------
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2020년 1월 11일 토요일
The Yellow Wallpaper (3)
THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (3)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
* * *
Well, the Fourth of July is over! The people are all gone and I am tired out. John thought it might do me good to see a little company, so we just had mother and Nellie and the children down for a week.
Of course I didn't do a thing. Jennie sees to everything now. But it tired me all the same.
John says if I don't pick up faster he shall send me to Weir Mitchell in the fall.
But I don't want to go there at all. I had a friend who was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and my brother, only more so !
Besides, it is such an undertaking to go so far.
I don't feel as if it was worth while to turn my hand over for anything, and I'm getting dreadfully fretful and querulous.
I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time.
Of course I don't when John is here, or anybody else, but when I am alone.
And I am alone a good deal just now. John is kept in town very often by serious cases, and Jennie is good and lets me alone when I want her to.
So I walk a little in the garden or down that lovely lane, sit on the porch under the roses, and lie down up here a good deal.
I'm getting really fond of the room in spite of the wallpaper. Perhaps because of the wallpaper.
It dwells in my mind so !
I lie here on this great immovable bed -it is nailed down, I believe and follow that pattern about by the hour. It it as good as gymnastics, I assure you. I start, we'll say, at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has nos been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of a conclusion.
I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this thing was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of.
It is repeated, of course, by the breadths, but not otherwise.
Looked at in one way each breadth stands alone, the bloated curves and flourishes - a kind of " debased Romanesque" with delirium tremens - go waddling up and down in isolated columns of fatuity.
But, on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic horror, like a lot of wallowing seaweeds in full chase.
The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems so, and I exhaust myself in trying to distinguish the order of its going in that direction.
They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and that adds wonderfully to the confusion.
There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, and there, when the crosslights fade and the low sun shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after all, -the interminable grotesque seem to form around a common centre and rush off in headlong plunges of equal distraction.
It makes me tired to follow it. I will take a nap I guess.
* * * * * *
I don't know why I should write this.
I don't want to.
I don't feel able.
And I know John would think it absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way -it is such a relief!
But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.
Half the time now I am awfully lazy,. and lie down ever so much.
John says I mustn't lose my strength,. and has me take cod liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.
Dear John! He loves me very dearlYr and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with. him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.
But he said I wasn't able to go, nor" able to stand it after I got there j and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.
It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness I suppose.
And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.
He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.
* '날 봐서라도 건강해 지도록 해봐요' (애원 인듯한 타이름)
He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.
There's one comfort, the baby is well .and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.
If we had not used it, that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn't have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.
I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all, I .can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.
Of course I never mention it to them any more - I am too wise, - but I keep watch of it all the same.
There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.
Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day. It is always the same shape, only very numerous.
And it is like a woman stooping down .and creeping about behind that pattern. I don't like it a bit. I wonder - I begin to think - I wish John would take me away from here!
* * * * * *
It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he is so wise, and be.cause he loves me so.
But I tried it last night.
It was moonlight. The moon shines in all around just as the sun does.
I hate to see it sometimes, it creeps so slowly, and always comes in by one window or another.
John was asleep and I hated to waken him, so I kept still and watched the moonlight on that undulating wallpaper till I felt creepy.
The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just as if she wanted to get out.
I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper did move, and when I came back John was awake.
"What is it, little girl?" he said. "Don't go walking about like that you'll
get cold."
I thought it was a good time to talk, so I told him that I really was not gaining here, and that I wished he would take me away.
"Why, darling!" said he, "our lease will be up in three weeks, and I can't see how to leave before.
" The repairs are not done at home, and I cannot possibly leave town just now. Of course if you were in any danger, I could and would, but you really are bet·ter, dear, whether you can 6ee it or not. I am a doctor, dear, and I know. You are gaining flesh and color, your appetite is better, I feel really much easier about you."
"I don't weigh a bit more," said I, "nor as much; and my appetite may be better in the evening when you are here, but it is worse in the morning when you are away!"
" Bless her little heart!" said he with a big hug, "she shall be as sick as she pleases! But now let's improve the shining hours by going to sleep, and talk about it in the morning!"
"And you won't go away?" I asked gloomily.
"Why, how can I, dear? It is only three weeks more and then we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is getting the house ready. Really dear you are better!"
"Better in body perhaps -" I began, and stopped short, for he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern, reproachful look that I could not say another word.
"My darling," said he, " I beg of you, for my sake and for our child's sake, as well as for your own, that you will never for one instant let that idea enter your mind! There is nothing so dangerous, so fascinating, to a temperament like yours. It is a false and foolish fancy. Can you not trust me as a physician when I tell you so? "
So of course I said no more on that score, and we went to sleep before long. He thought I was asleep first, but I wasn't, and lay there for hours trying to .decide whether that front pattern and the back pattern really did move together or separately.
* * * * * *
------------------------------
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By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
* * *
Well, the Fourth of July is over! The people are all gone and I am tired out. John thought it might do me good to see a little company, so we just had mother and Nellie and the children down for a week.
Of course I didn't do a thing. Jennie sees to everything now. But it tired me all the same.
John says if I don't pick up faster he shall send me to Weir Mitchell in the fall.
But I don't want to go there at all. I had a friend who was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and my brother, only more so !
Besides, it is such an undertaking to go so far.
I don't feel as if it was worth while to turn my hand over for anything, and I'm getting dreadfully fretful and querulous.
I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time.
Of course I don't when John is here, or anybody else, but when I am alone.
And I am alone a good deal just now. John is kept in town very often by serious cases, and Jennie is good and lets me alone when I want her to.
So I walk a little in the garden or down that lovely lane, sit on the porch under the roses, and lie down up here a good deal.
I'm getting really fond of the room in spite of the wallpaper. Perhaps because of the wallpaper.
It dwells in my mind so !
I lie here on this great immovable bed -it is nailed down, I believe and follow that pattern about by the hour. It it as good as gymnastics, I assure you. I start, we'll say, at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has nos been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of a conclusion.
I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this thing was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of.
It is repeated, of course, by the breadths, but not otherwise.
Looked at in one way each breadth stands alone, the bloated curves and flourishes - a kind of " debased Romanesque" with delirium tremens - go waddling up and down in isolated columns of fatuity.
But, on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic horror, like a lot of wallowing seaweeds in full chase.
The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems so, and I exhaust myself in trying to distinguish the order of its going in that direction.
They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and that adds wonderfully to the confusion.
There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, and there, when the crosslights fade and the low sun shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after all, -the interminable grotesque seem to form around a common centre and rush off in headlong plunges of equal distraction.
It makes me tired to follow it. I will take a nap I guess.
* * * * * *
I don't know why I should write this.
I don't want to.
I don't feel able.
And I know John would think it absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way -it is such a relief!
But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.
Half the time now I am awfully lazy,. and lie down ever so much.
John says I mustn't lose my strength,. and has me take cod liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.
Dear John! He loves me very dearlYr and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with. him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.
But he said I wasn't able to go, nor" able to stand it after I got there j and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.
It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness I suppose.
And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.
He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.
* '날 봐서라도 건강해 지도록 해봐요' (애원 인듯한 타이름)
He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.
There's one comfort, the baby is well .and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.
If we had not used it, that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn't have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.
I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all, I .can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.
Of course I never mention it to them any more - I am too wise, - but I keep watch of it all the same.
There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.
Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day. It is always the same shape, only very numerous.
And it is like a woman stooping down .and creeping about behind that pattern. I don't like it a bit. I wonder - I begin to think - I wish John would take me away from here!
* * * * * *
It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he is so wise, and be.cause he loves me so.
But I tried it last night.
It was moonlight. The moon shines in all around just as the sun does.
I hate to see it sometimes, it creeps so slowly, and always comes in by one window or another.
John was asleep and I hated to waken him, so I kept still and watched the moonlight on that undulating wallpaper till I felt creepy.
The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just as if she wanted to get out.
I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper did move, and when I came back John was awake.
"What is it, little girl?" he said. "Don't go walking about like that you'll
get cold."
I thought it was a good time to talk, so I told him that I really was not gaining here, and that I wished he would take me away.
"Why, darling!" said he, "our lease will be up in three weeks, and I can't see how to leave before.
" The repairs are not done at home, and I cannot possibly leave town just now. Of course if you were in any danger, I could and would, but you really are bet·ter, dear, whether you can 6ee it or not. I am a doctor, dear, and I know. You are gaining flesh and color, your appetite is better, I feel really much easier about you."
"I don't weigh a bit more," said I, "nor as much; and my appetite may be better in the evening when you are here, but it is worse in the morning when you are away!"
" Bless her little heart!" said he with a big hug, "she shall be as sick as she pleases! But now let's improve the shining hours by going to sleep, and talk about it in the morning!"
"And you won't go away?" I asked gloomily.
"Why, how can I, dear? It is only three weeks more and then we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is getting the house ready. Really dear you are better!"
"Better in body perhaps -" I began, and stopped short, for he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern, reproachful look that I could not say another word.
"My darling," said he, " I beg of you, for my sake and for our child's sake, as well as for your own, that you will never for one instant let that idea enter your mind! There is nothing so dangerous, so fascinating, to a temperament like yours. It is a false and foolish fancy. Can you not trust me as a physician when I tell you so? "
So of course I said no more on that score, and we went to sleep before long. He thought I was asleep first, but I wasn't, and lay there for hours trying to .decide whether that front pattern and the back pattern really did move together or separately.
* * * * * *
------------------------------
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The Yellow Wallpaper (2)
THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (2)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
32) We have been here two weeks, and I haven't felt like writing before, since that first day. I am sitting by the window now, up in this atrocious nursery, and there is nothing to hinder my writing as much as I please, save lack of strength.
* atrocious: 잔인무도한, 지독한
*hinder: 저지(방해)하다
첫날이후 글을 쓸 기분이 아니었다. 지독한 탁아방의 창가에 앉아있다. 나의 글쓰기를 방해할 아무것도 없지만 쓸기분이 아니다.
33) John is away all day, and even some nights when his cases are serious. I am glad my case is not serious! But these nervous troubles are dreadfully depressing. John does not know how much I really suffer.
존은 종일 심지어 밤에도 나간다. 환자들 상태가 나보다 중하니까. 나는 심각한 우울이라는 신경증을 앓고있다. 하지만 존은 나의 병세를 대수롭지 않게 여긴다.
* 남편은 시골에 몇달간 휴양 와서도 일을 하고 있음. 이런 알뜰한 사람이라면 '아푼아내'를 거추장 스럽게 여기지 않았을까?
34) He knows there is no reason to suffer, and that satisfies him. Of course it is only nervousness. It does weigh on me so not to do my duty in any way! I meant to be such a help to John, such a real rest and comfort, and here I am a comparative burden already!
존은 아풀 건덕지가 없다고 생각하고 그것에 만족한다. 그저 신경과민 일 뿐이다. 그런데 그것이 나를 짓누른다(weigh on me). 그것 때문에 내일(가사일)을 못하고 있지 않은가! 존에게 도움이 되지 못하고, 휴식과 편안함을 제공하지 못하고 짐만 되고있다.
35) Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able, -to dress and entertain, and order things.
36) It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby! And yet I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous. I suppose John never was nervous in his life. He laughs at me so about this wall paper!
37) At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way to such fancies.
38) He said that after the wall-paper was changed it would be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on.
39) "You know the place is doing you good," he said, "and really, dear, I don't care to renovate the house just for a three months' rental."
"Then do let us go downstairs," I said, "there are such pretty rooms there." Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose, and said he would go down cellar, if I wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain. But he is right enough about the beds and windows and things.
It is an airy and comfortable room as anyone need wish, and, of course, I would not be so silly as to make him uncomfortable just for a whim.
I'm really getting quite fond of the big room, all but that horrid paper. Out of one window I can see the garden, those mysterious deep-shaded arbors, the riotous old-fashioned flowers, and bushes and gnarly trees.
Out of another I get a lovely view of the bay and a little private wharf belonging to the estate. There is a beautiful shaded lane that runs down there from the house.
I always fancy I see people walking in these numerous paths and arbors, but John has cautioned me not to give way to fancy in the least.
He says that with my imaginative power and habit of story-making, a nervous weakness like mine is sure to lead to all manner of excited fancies, and that I ought to use my will and good sense to check the tendency. So I try.
I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little, it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me.
But I find I get pretty tired when I try.
It is so discouraging not to have any advice and companionship about my work. When I get really well, John says we will ask Cousin Henry and Julia down for a long visit; but he says he would as soon put fireworks in my pillow-case as to let me have those stimulating people about now.
I wish I could get well faster.
But I must not think about that. This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had!
There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside down.
I get positively angry with the impertinence of it and the everlastingness. Up and down and sideways they crawl, and those absurd, unblinking eyes are everywhere. There is one place where two breaths didn't match, and the eyes go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the other.
I never saw so much expression in an inanimate thing before, and we all know how much expression they have! I used to lie awake as a child and get more entertainment and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most children could find in a toy-store.
I remember what a kindly wink the knobs of our big, old bureau used to have, and there was one chair that always seemed like a strong friend.
I used to feel that if any of the other things looked too fierce I could always hop into that chair and be safe.
The furniture in this room is no worse than inharmonious, however, for we had to bring it all from downstairs. I suppose when this was used as a playroom they had to take the nursery things out, and no wonder!
I never saw such ravages as the children have made here.
The wall-paper, as I said before, is torn off in spots, and it sticketh closer than a brother -they must have had perseverance as well as hatred.
Then the floor is scratched and gouged and splintered, the plaster itself is dug out here and there, and this great heavy bed which is all we found in the room, looks as if it had been through the wars.
But I don't mind it a bit -only the paper.
There comes John's sister. Such a dear girl as she is, and so careful of me ! I must not let her find me writing.
She is a perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper, and hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it is the writing which made me sick!
But I can write when she is out, and see her a long way off from these windows.
There is one that commands the road, a lovely shaded winding road, and one that just looks off over the country. A lovely country, too, full of great elms and velvet meadows.
This wallpaper has a kind of subpattern in a different shade, a particularly irritating one, for you can only see it in certain lights, and not clearly then.
But in the places where it isn't faded and where the sun is just so -I can see a strange, provoking, formless sort of figure, that seems to skulk about behind that silly and conspicuous front design.
There's sister on the stairs!
* * *
-------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
32) We have been here two weeks, and I haven't felt like writing before, since that first day. I am sitting by the window now, up in this atrocious nursery, and there is nothing to hinder my writing as much as I please, save lack of strength.
* atrocious: 잔인무도한, 지독한
*hinder: 저지(방해)하다
첫날이후 글을 쓸 기분이 아니었다. 지독한 탁아방의 창가에 앉아있다. 나의 글쓰기를 방해할 아무것도 없지만 쓸기분이 아니다.
33) John is away all day, and even some nights when his cases are serious. I am glad my case is not serious! But these nervous troubles are dreadfully depressing. John does not know how much I really suffer.
존은 종일 심지어 밤에도 나간다. 환자들 상태가 나보다 중하니까. 나는 심각한 우울이라는 신경증을 앓고있다. 하지만 존은 나의 병세를 대수롭지 않게 여긴다.
* 남편은 시골에 몇달간 휴양 와서도 일을 하고 있음. 이런 알뜰한 사람이라면 '아푼아내'를 거추장 스럽게 여기지 않았을까?
34) He knows there is no reason to suffer, and that satisfies him. Of course it is only nervousness. It does weigh on me so not to do my duty in any way! I meant to be such a help to John, such a real rest and comfort, and here I am a comparative burden already!
존은 아풀 건덕지가 없다고 생각하고 그것에 만족한다. 그저 신경과민 일 뿐이다. 그런데 그것이 나를 짓누른다(weigh on me). 그것 때문에 내일(가사일)을 못하고 있지 않은가! 존에게 도움이 되지 못하고, 휴식과 편안함을 제공하지 못하고 짐만 되고있다.
35) Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able, -to dress and entertain, and order things.
36) It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby! And yet I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous. I suppose John never was nervous in his life. He laughs at me so about this wall paper!
37) At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way to such fancies.
38) He said that after the wall-paper was changed it would be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on.
39) "You know the place is doing you good," he said, "and really, dear, I don't care to renovate the house just for a three months' rental."
"Then do let us go downstairs," I said, "there are such pretty rooms there." Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose, and said he would go down cellar, if I wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain. But he is right enough about the beds and windows and things.
It is an airy and comfortable room as anyone need wish, and, of course, I would not be so silly as to make him uncomfortable just for a whim.
I'm really getting quite fond of the big room, all but that horrid paper. Out of one window I can see the garden, those mysterious deep-shaded arbors, the riotous old-fashioned flowers, and bushes and gnarly trees.
Out of another I get a lovely view of the bay and a little private wharf belonging to the estate. There is a beautiful shaded lane that runs down there from the house.
I always fancy I see people walking in these numerous paths and arbors, but John has cautioned me not to give way to fancy in the least.
He says that with my imaginative power and habit of story-making, a nervous weakness like mine is sure to lead to all manner of excited fancies, and that I ought to use my will and good sense to check the tendency. So I try.
I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little, it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me.
But I find I get pretty tired when I try.
It is so discouraging not to have any advice and companionship about my work. When I get really well, John says we will ask Cousin Henry and Julia down for a long visit; but he says he would as soon put fireworks in my pillow-case as to let me have those stimulating people about now.
I wish I could get well faster.
But I must not think about that. This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had!
There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside down.
I get positively angry with the impertinence of it and the everlastingness. Up and down and sideways they crawl, and those absurd, unblinking eyes are everywhere. There is one place where two breaths didn't match, and the eyes go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the other.
I never saw so much expression in an inanimate thing before, and we all know how much expression they have! I used to lie awake as a child and get more entertainment and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most children could find in a toy-store.
I remember what a kindly wink the knobs of our big, old bureau used to have, and there was one chair that always seemed like a strong friend.
I used to feel that if any of the other things looked too fierce I could always hop into that chair and be safe.
The furniture in this room is no worse than inharmonious, however, for we had to bring it all from downstairs. I suppose when this was used as a playroom they had to take the nursery things out, and no wonder!
I never saw such ravages as the children have made here.
The wall-paper, as I said before, is torn off in spots, and it sticketh closer than a brother -they must have had perseverance as well as hatred.
Then the floor is scratched and gouged and splintered, the plaster itself is dug out here and there, and this great heavy bed which is all we found in the room, looks as if it had been through the wars.
But I don't mind it a bit -only the paper.
There comes John's sister. Such a dear girl as she is, and so careful of me ! I must not let her find me writing.
She is a perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper, and hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it is the writing which made me sick!
But I can write when she is out, and see her a long way off from these windows.
There is one that commands the road, a lovely shaded winding road, and one that just looks off over the country. A lovely country, too, full of great elms and velvet meadows.
This wallpaper has a kind of subpattern in a different shade, a particularly irritating one, for you can only see it in certain lights, and not clearly then.
But in the places where it isn't faded and where the sun is just so -I can see a strange, provoking, formless sort of figure, that seems to skulk about behind that silly and conspicuous front design.
There's sister on the stairs!
* * *
-------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
2019년 12월 23일 월요일
The Yellow Wallpaper (1)
THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (1)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
1) It is very seldom that mere ordinary people like John and myself secure ancestral halls for the summer. A colonial mansion, a hereditary estate, I would say a haunted house, and reach the height of romantic felicity-but that would be asking too much of fate!
* secure: 확보하다
* ancestral halls: 물려받은 저택=전통가옥
* hereditary 세습된
* felicity: 1. 더할나위없는 행복, 2. 멋들어짐
나와 존(남편)처럼 평범한 사람이 여름(휴가)를 위해 전래가옥을 확보하게 되는 것은 아주 드믈다. 전해내려온 식민지시대 풍의 저택으로, 내게는 귀신나올 법 한데, 낭만적 멋들어짐의 정점에 도달한 그런 저택이지만 너무 많은 파멸(fate)을 격었을 지도 모를 집 같았다.
* 낭만적 멋들어짐의 정점에 있었겠으나 오래된 만큼 역정을 치뤘을 집, 세월이 흐르며 사연(fate)많은 집, 결국 귀신나올(haunted)만한 집이 되었다.
2) Still I will proudly declare that there is something queer about it.
이곳에 뭔가 이상한 기운이 돈다고 확신 할 수 있다(proudly declare).
3) Else, why should it be let so cheaply? And why have stood so long untenanted? John laughs at me, of course, but one expects that in marriage.
but one expects that in marriage: 결혼한 마당에 뭘 기대하랴
너무 싼거 아냐? 오랬동안 빈집인 이유가 뭘까? 물론 부부사이가 다 그렇듯이 존은 그런 내게 웃음으로 답할 뿐이었다.
* 아내의 걱정에 남편은 웃어 넘김(부부사이 소통의 불균형 암시함)
4) John is practical in the extreme. He has no patience with faith, an intense horror of superstition, and he scoffs openly at any talk of things not to be felt and seen and put down in figures.
* scoff: 비웃다
존은 극히 실용적인 사람이다. 그는 (종교적) 믿음(faith)을 참지 못하고 미신을 극혐하고, 느낌(감지될 수 없는것) 따위를 말하면 대놓고(openly) 비웃고(scoff), 숫자로 말하는(put down in figures) 그런 사람이다.
5) John is a physician, and perhaps - (I would not say it to a living soul, of course, but this is dead paper and a great relief to my mind) -perhaps that is one reason I do not get well faster. You see he does not believe I am sick! And what can one do?
존은 의사다. 살아있는(living) 사람(soul)에게 못할 말이지만 (듣는 사람이 없는)죽은(dead) 종이(paper)니까 맘편하게 쓰는데, 그가 의사라서 내가 빨리 회복하지 못하는 요인이기도 하다. 그는 내가 아프다는 것을 인정하지 않는다. (게다가 정신과 전문의도 아님)
* living soul <> dead paper; 청자의 유무에 따른 화자의 감정해소가 달라질 수 있다.
6) If a physician of high standing, and one's own husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression -a slight hysterical tendency- what is one to do? My brother is also a physician, and also of high standing, and he says the same thing.
지체있는(high standing) 의사이자 남편은 일시적인 신경 우울-히스테리의 경향을 띄는-이라며 친구들과 친척들을 안심시키는데 뭘 할 수 있을까? 오빠도 의사인데 같은 말을 하는 판에....
7) So I take phosphates or phosphites which ever it is, and tonics, and journeys, and air, and exercise, and am absolutely forbidden to "work" until I am well again.
* phosphates or phosphites: 인산염(식품첨가물)인지 아인산염(살균살충제로 쓰임)인지(두 하학물질은 발음도 비슷하다)
인산염 인지 아인산염 인지 뭔지(...which ever it is) 복용하고, 여행을 좀하고 바람쐬면서 꼼짝말고 나아질 때까지 쉬어야 할 판이다.
* until I am well again: 나아질 때까지 쉬라니, 쉬고 있으면 언잰가는 낳겠지와 뭐가 다른가.
8) Personally, I disagree with their ideas. Personally, I believe that congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good. But what is one to do ? (꼼짝말고 쉬라고 하니... 뭘 할수 있나?)
* congenial: 맘에드는
9) I did write for a while in spite of them; but it does exhaust me a good deal-having to be so sly about it, or else meet with heavy opposition.
* sly: 교활한, 은밀한
그들이 금지했지만 글쓰기 했다. 몰래 쓰느라 상당히 피곤했다. 들키기라도 하면 엄청난 반대에 부디쳤다. (평소 얼마나 다그치길래? 글쓰는 일이 무슨 큰일이라고...)
10) I sometimes fancy that in my condition if I had less opposition and more society and stimulus -but John says the very worst thing I can do is to think about my condition, and I confess it always makes me feel bad.
* fancy; 상상하다.
내가 덜 억압받고 더 사교할 수 있고 자극받을 수 있다면 어떨까 상상하곤 했다. 하지만 존은 나의 상태를 신경쓰면 아주 좋지 않다고 했다. 그게 나를 더 기분 나쁘게했다. (가둬놓고 바보만들 셈인가?)
11) So I will let it alone and talk about the house. The most beautiful place! It is quite alone, standing well back from the road, quite three miles from the village.
그 껀(사교와 글쓰기의 금지)은 놔두고 이제 집에 대해 이야기 해보자. 참 아름다운 곳이다. 뒤켠으로 도로에서 좀 떨어져 있고 마을에서 3마일가량 외졌다.
12) It makes me think of English places that you read about, for there are hedges and walls and gates that lock, and lots of separate little houses for the gardeners and people.
언뜻 영국풍이 느껴지는 곳이다. 관목 울타리(hedge), 문닫힌 작은 독립가옥들 정원과 사람들이 있다.
13) There is a delicious garden! I never saw such a garden -large and shady, full of box-bordered paths, and lined with long grape-covered arbors with seats under them. There were greenhouses, too, but they are all broken now.
이집의 정원은 전에 본적이 없는 아주 멋지다. 네모 반듣한 길, 넝쿨로 덮힌(grape-covered) 가지(arbors) 아래에 의자들이 놓여있다. (반듯한 디자인을 선호하는 화자의 기호가 엿보인다.) 관리가 안됐지만 온실도 있다.
14) There was some legal trouble, I believe, something about the heirs and coheirs; anyhow, the place has been empty for years.
어쩌면(I believe) 상속자(hier)사이에 무슨 법적문제가 있었던 것은 아닐지... 어쨌든 오랜기간 빈집이었다.
15) That spoils my ghostliness, I am afraid, but I don't care -there is something strange about the house -I can feel it.
내 육감(ghostliness;귀신같은)을 거슬리는 뭔가 있다.
(남편은 아주 실용적인 사람으로 미신을 비웃는다. 이에 반하는 성격의 아내. 부부사이 소통이 원할하지 않을 것이 뻔하다. 이런 억압적 남편이라면 아내가 산후 우울이 아니더라도 병날 만하다.)
16) I even said so to John one moonlight evening, but he said what I felt was a draught, and shut the window.
* draught; 외풍
17) I get unreasonably angry with John sometimes. I'm sure I never used to be so sensitive. I think it is due to this nervous condition.
남편에게 이유없이 화가난다. 전에는(아마 결혼전?) 나는 그런 예민한 사람이 아니었다. (저 남자랑 살면서 얻었을) 신경쇄약 때문이리라.
18) But John says if I feel so, I shall neglect proper self-control; so I take pains to control myself-before him, at least, and that makes me very tired.
그럴 때(으스스한 기운을 느낄때) 마다 존은 자제력을 발휘해 무시하라고 말한다. 그래서 나도 그 앞에서 그런척 하려고 애쓰지만 아주 피곤하다.
(아내는 이미 남편에게 억압당하는 생활을 하고있다. 알면서 당하는 중인가?)
19) I don't like our room a bit. I wanted one downstairs that opened on the piazza and had roses all over the window, and such pretty old-fashioned chintz hangings! but John would not hear of it.
* piazza; 광장, 베란다, 포치
* chintz hangings; 늘어뜨린 가림막
나는 널찍하고 외부로 트인 아랫층이 좋았는데, 존은 들어주지 않았다!
20) He said there was only one window and not room for two beds, and no near room for him if he took another. He is very careful and loving, and hardly lets me stir without special direction.
(아랫층 방은) 창이 하나밖에 없고 침대 두개 놓기에는 좁고 그에게 필요한 방이 옆에 붙어 있지 않다고(침실외 여분의 방이 없다)는 이유를 댔다. 그는 세심하고 사랑스런 사람이고 그의 허락없이 나는 아무것도 할 수 없다. (남편은 -치사하게도- 사랑의 이름으로 억압하는 중이다.)
21) I have a schedule prescription for each hour in the day; he takes all care from me, and so I feel basely ungrateful not to value it more.
남편은 처방약을 꼭 챙기고 있다. 나를 위한 행동인데 그 가치를 몰라주다니 나는 배은망덕(ungrateful)하다고 느낀다. (피억압자인 여성 자신의 소극적 성향을 보여줌.)
22) He said we came here solely on my account, that I was to have perfect rest and all the air I could get.
그는 순전히 나의 완벽한 휴식 때문에 이곳에 왔노라고 말한다. (남편은 오기 싫었다?)
23) "Your exercise depends on your strength, my dear," said he, "and your food somewhat on your appetite; but air you can absorb all the time."
잘먹고 맑은 공기 쐬면 곧 나을 거야.
24) So we took the nursery at the top of the house.
결국 (갖가지 이유를 대며) 꼭데기의 탁아방을 선택했다.
25) It is a big, airy room, the whole floor nearly, with windows that look all ways, and air and sunshine galore. It was nursery first and then playroom and gymnasium, I should judge; for the windows are barred for little children, and there are rings and things in the walls.
널찍한 탁아방 이었다가 놀이방으로 쓰인 모양인데 창살이 쳐있다(barred). 아이들 보호하려는것일까? 그런데 벽에 무슨 고리가 달려있다. (뭐지?)
26) The paint and paper look as if a boys' school had used it. It is stripped off -the paper- in great patches all around the head of my bed, about as far as I can reach, and in a great place on the other side of the room low down. I never saw a worse paper in my life.
내가 다을수 없는 높이에 곳곳에 벽지가 뜯겨있다.(아이들 방이 아니었던가?) 이렇게 끔찍한 벽지는 처음인걸....
27) One of those sprawling flamboyant patterns committing every artistic sin.
* sprawling; 불규칙하게
* flamboyant: 눈부신
(벽지의) 불규칙하고 어지러운 무늬는 예술적 악행은 다 저지른듯 하다(예술파괴).
28) It is dull enough to confuse the eye in following, pronounced enough to constantly irritate and provoke study, and when you follow the lame uncertain curves for a little distance they suddenly commit suicide - plunge off at outrageous angles, destroy themselves in unheard of contradictions.
보고있으면 짜증난다. 이해하려면 골몰 해야하는 무늬의 벽지(보고만 있어도 정신사납다). 이어지다 끊어지는 무늬, 파격적인 무늬.
29) The color is repellant, almost revolting; a smouldering unclean yellow, strangely faded by the slow-turning sunlight. It is a dull yet lurid orange in some places, a sickly sulphur tint in others.
토할것 같은 누리끼리한 색깔의 벽지
30) No wonder the children hated it! I should hate it myself if I had to live in this room long.
아이들이 좋아할 무늬는 아니다. 여기에서 오랜동안 지내라면 아주 싫어할 것 같다.
31) There comes John, and I must put this away, -he hates to have me write a word.
존이 오고있다. (일기쓰는 중 이었다.) 이것들 치워야지. 그는 글쓰기를 싫어하니까.
* * *
-------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
1) It is very seldom that mere ordinary people like John and myself secure ancestral halls for the summer. A colonial mansion, a hereditary estate, I would say a haunted house, and reach the height of romantic felicity-but that would be asking too much of fate!
* secure: 확보하다
* ancestral halls: 물려받은 저택=전통가옥
* hereditary 세습된
* felicity: 1. 더할나위없는 행복, 2. 멋들어짐
나와 존(남편)처럼 평범한 사람이 여름(휴가)를 위해 전래가옥을 확보하게 되는 것은 아주 드믈다. 전해내려온 식민지시대 풍의 저택으로, 내게는 귀신나올 법 한데, 낭만적 멋들어짐의 정점에 도달한 그런 저택이지만 너무 많은 파멸(fate)을 격었을 지도 모를 집 같았다.
* 낭만적 멋들어짐의 정점에 있었겠으나 오래된 만큼 역정을 치뤘을 집, 세월이 흐르며 사연(fate)많은 집, 결국 귀신나올(haunted)만한 집이 되었다.
이곳에 뭔가 이상한 기운이 돈다고 확신 할 수 있다(proudly declare).
3) Else, why should it be let so cheaply? And why have stood so long untenanted? John laughs at me, of course, but one expects that in marriage.
but one expects that in marriage: 결혼한 마당에 뭘 기대하랴
너무 싼거 아냐? 오랬동안 빈집인 이유가 뭘까? 물론 부부사이가 다 그렇듯이 존은 그런 내게 웃음으로 답할 뿐이었다.
* 아내의 걱정에 남편은 웃어 넘김(부부사이 소통의 불균형 암시함)
4) John is practical in the extreme. He has no patience with faith, an intense horror of superstition, and he scoffs openly at any talk of things not to be felt and seen and put down in figures.
* scoff: 비웃다
존은 극히 실용적인 사람이다. 그는 (종교적) 믿음(faith)을 참지 못하고 미신을 극혐하고, 느낌(감지될 수 없는것) 따위를 말하면 대놓고(openly) 비웃고(scoff), 숫자로 말하는(put down in figures) 그런 사람이다.
5) John is a physician, and perhaps - (I would not say it to a living soul, of course, but this is dead paper and a great relief to my mind) -perhaps that is one reason I do not get well faster. You see he does not believe I am sick! And what can one do?
존은 의사다. 살아있는(living) 사람(soul)에게 못할 말이지만 (듣는 사람이 없는)죽은(dead) 종이(paper)니까 맘편하게 쓰는데, 그가 의사라서 내가 빨리 회복하지 못하는 요인이기도 하다. 그는 내가 아프다는 것을 인정하지 않는다. (게다가 정신과 전문의도 아님)
* living soul <> dead paper; 청자의 유무에 따른 화자의 감정해소가 달라질 수 있다.
6) If a physician of high standing, and one's own husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression -a slight hysterical tendency- what is one to do? My brother is also a physician, and also of high standing, and he says the same thing.
지체있는(high standing) 의사이자 남편은 일시적인 신경 우울-히스테리의 경향을 띄는-이라며 친구들과 친척들을 안심시키는데 뭘 할 수 있을까? 오빠도 의사인데 같은 말을 하는 판에....
7) So I take phosphates or phosphites which ever it is, and tonics, and journeys, and air, and exercise, and am absolutely forbidden to "work" until I am well again.
* phosphates or phosphites: 인산염(식품첨가물)인지 아인산염(살균살충제로 쓰임)인지(두 하학물질은 발음도 비슷하다)
인산염 인지 아인산염 인지 뭔지(...which ever it is) 복용하고, 여행을 좀하고 바람쐬면서 꼼짝말고 나아질 때까지 쉬어야 할 판이다.
* until I am well again: 나아질 때까지 쉬라니, 쉬고 있으면 언잰가는 낳겠지와 뭐가 다른가.
8) Personally, I disagree with their ideas. Personally, I believe that congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good. But what is one to do ? (꼼짝말고 쉬라고 하니... 뭘 할수 있나?)
* congenial: 맘에드는
9) I did write for a while in spite of them; but it does exhaust me a good deal-having to be so sly about it, or else meet with heavy opposition.
* sly: 교활한, 은밀한
그들이 금지했지만 글쓰기 했다. 몰래 쓰느라 상당히 피곤했다. 들키기라도 하면 엄청난 반대에 부디쳤다. (평소 얼마나 다그치길래? 글쓰는 일이 무슨 큰일이라고...)
10) I sometimes fancy that in my condition if I had less opposition and more society and stimulus -but John says the very worst thing I can do is to think about my condition, and I confess it always makes me feel bad.
* fancy; 상상하다.
내가 덜 억압받고 더 사교할 수 있고 자극받을 수 있다면 어떨까 상상하곤 했다. 하지만 존은 나의 상태를 신경쓰면 아주 좋지 않다고 했다. 그게 나를 더 기분 나쁘게했다. (가둬놓고 바보만들 셈인가?)
11) So I will let it alone and talk about the house. The most beautiful place! It is quite alone, standing well back from the road, quite three miles from the village.
그 껀(사교와 글쓰기의 금지)은 놔두고 이제 집에 대해 이야기 해보자. 참 아름다운 곳이다. 뒤켠으로 도로에서 좀 떨어져 있고 마을에서 3마일가량 외졌다.
12) It makes me think of English places that you read about, for there are hedges and walls and gates that lock, and lots of separate little houses for the gardeners and people.
언뜻 영국풍이 느껴지는 곳이다. 관목 울타리(hedge), 문닫힌 작은 독립가옥들 정원과 사람들이 있다.
13) There is a delicious garden! I never saw such a garden -large and shady, full of box-bordered paths, and lined with long grape-covered arbors with seats under them. There were greenhouses, too, but they are all broken now.
이집의 정원은 전에 본적이 없는 아주 멋지다. 네모 반듣한 길, 넝쿨로 덮힌(grape-covered) 가지(arbors) 아래에 의자들이 놓여있다. (반듯한 디자인을 선호하는 화자의 기호가 엿보인다.) 관리가 안됐지만 온실도 있다.
14) There was some legal trouble, I believe, something about the heirs and coheirs; anyhow, the place has been empty for years.
어쩌면(I believe) 상속자(hier)사이에 무슨 법적문제가 있었던 것은 아닐지... 어쨌든 오랜기간 빈집이었다.
15) That spoils my ghostliness, I am afraid, but I don't care -there is something strange about the house -I can feel it.
내 육감(ghostliness;귀신같은)을 거슬리는 뭔가 있다.
(남편은 아주 실용적인 사람으로 미신을 비웃는다. 이에 반하는 성격의 아내. 부부사이 소통이 원할하지 않을 것이 뻔하다. 이런 억압적 남편이라면 아내가 산후 우울이 아니더라도 병날 만하다.)
16) I even said so to John one moonlight evening, but he said what I felt was a draught, and shut the window.
* draught; 외풍
17) I get unreasonably angry with John sometimes. I'm sure I never used to be so sensitive. I think it is due to this nervous condition.
남편에게 이유없이 화가난다. 전에는(아마 결혼전?) 나는 그런 예민한 사람이 아니었다. (저 남자랑 살면서 얻었을) 신경쇄약 때문이리라.
18) But John says if I feel so, I shall neglect proper self-control; so I take pains to control myself-before him, at least, and that makes me very tired.
그럴 때(으스스한 기운을 느낄때) 마다 존은 자제력을 발휘해 무시하라고 말한다. 그래서 나도 그 앞에서 그런척 하려고 애쓰지만 아주 피곤하다.
(아내는 이미 남편에게 억압당하는 생활을 하고있다. 알면서 당하는 중인가?)
19) I don't like our room a bit. I wanted one downstairs that opened on the piazza and had roses all over the window, and such pretty old-fashioned chintz hangings! but John would not hear of it.
* piazza; 광장, 베란다, 포치
* chintz hangings; 늘어뜨린 가림막
나는 널찍하고 외부로 트인 아랫층이 좋았는데, 존은 들어주지 않았다!
20) He said there was only one window and not room for two beds, and no near room for him if he took another. He is very careful and loving, and hardly lets me stir without special direction.
(아랫층 방은) 창이 하나밖에 없고 침대 두개 놓기에는 좁고 그에게 필요한 방이 옆에 붙어 있지 않다고(침실외 여분의 방이 없다)는 이유를 댔다. 그는 세심하고 사랑스런 사람이고 그의 허락없이 나는 아무것도 할 수 없다. (남편은 -치사하게도- 사랑의 이름으로 억압하는 중이다.)
21) I have a schedule prescription for each hour in the day; he takes all care from me, and so I feel basely ungrateful not to value it more.
남편은 처방약을 꼭 챙기고 있다. 나를 위한 행동인데 그 가치를 몰라주다니 나는 배은망덕(ungrateful)하다고 느낀다. (피억압자인 여성 자신의 소극적 성향을 보여줌.)
22) He said we came here solely on my account, that I was to have perfect rest and all the air I could get.
그는 순전히 나의 완벽한 휴식 때문에 이곳에 왔노라고 말한다. (남편은 오기 싫었다?)
23) "Your exercise depends on your strength, my dear," said he, "and your food somewhat on your appetite; but air you can absorb all the time."
잘먹고 맑은 공기 쐬면 곧 나을 거야.
24) So we took the nursery at the top of the house.
결국 (갖가지 이유를 대며) 꼭데기의 탁아방을 선택했다.
25) It is a big, airy room, the whole floor nearly, with windows that look all ways, and air and sunshine galore. It was nursery first and then playroom and gymnasium, I should judge; for the windows are barred for little children, and there are rings and things in the walls.
널찍한 탁아방 이었다가 놀이방으로 쓰인 모양인데 창살이 쳐있다(barred). 아이들 보호하려는것일까? 그런데 벽에 무슨 고리가 달려있다. (뭐지?)
26) The paint and paper look as if a boys' school had used it. It is stripped off -the paper- in great patches all around the head of my bed, about as far as I can reach, and in a great place on the other side of the room low down. I never saw a worse paper in my life.
내가 다을수 없는 높이에 곳곳에 벽지가 뜯겨있다.(아이들 방이 아니었던가?) 이렇게 끔찍한 벽지는 처음인걸....
27) One of those sprawling flamboyant patterns committing every artistic sin.
* sprawling; 불규칙하게
* flamboyant: 눈부신
(벽지의) 불규칙하고 어지러운 무늬는 예술적 악행은 다 저지른듯 하다(예술파괴).
28) It is dull enough to confuse the eye in following, pronounced enough to constantly irritate and provoke study, and when you follow the lame uncertain curves for a little distance they suddenly commit suicide - plunge off at outrageous angles, destroy themselves in unheard of contradictions.
보고있으면 짜증난다. 이해하려면 골몰 해야하는 무늬의 벽지(보고만 있어도 정신사납다). 이어지다 끊어지는 무늬, 파격적인 무늬.
29) The color is repellant, almost revolting; a smouldering unclean yellow, strangely faded by the slow-turning sunlight. It is a dull yet lurid orange in some places, a sickly sulphur tint in others.
토할것 같은 누리끼리한 색깔의 벽지
30) No wonder the children hated it! I should hate it myself if I had to live in this room long.
아이들이 좋아할 무늬는 아니다. 여기에서 오랜동안 지내라면 아주 싫어할 것 같다.
31) There comes John, and I must put this away, -he hates to have me write a word.
존이 오고있다. (일기쓰는 중 이었다.) 이것들 치워야지. 그는 글쓰기를 싫어하니까.
* * *
-------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면,
Now why should that man have fainted?
'faint'를 '기절'로 읽기가 좀 의아하다. 다른 사람들은 어떻게 생각 할지 검색 해봤다. 역시 비슷한 질문이 있었다. 뜬금없이 '기절' 이라니 없을리가 없지 않은가! 그런데 답변들이 대부분 '사소하게 봤던 아내의 일시적 우울증이 결국 정신착란에 이르자 놀라 기절' 했다는 해석이 우세하다. (검색: Why does John faint at the end of The 'Yellow Wallpaper'?)
아무리 당황스럽다 해도 의사라는 사람이 기절까지 했을까? 그다음 마무리 문장을 보면 '매번' 넘어가야 했단다(....so that I had to creep over him every time!).
혹시 'faint'에 다른 의미가 있을까 싶어 사전을 찾아보니, 의학용어로서 '기절'을 의미 한단다. 또한 캠브릿지 영어사전은 다음과 같다.
faint:
to suddenly become unconscious for a short time, usually falling down:
예문을 봐도 '실신'에 가깝다. 그래서 상상력을 조금 동원하여 '혼비백산' 쯤으로 해석하면 어떨까? 국어사전에 따르면 '혼비백산'은 '몹시 놀라 넋을 잃다'라는 뜻이다. 위의 영문 사전 설명에 가깝지 않은가?
먼저 다음과 같이 바탕에 깔아놓고,
(아내의 기이한 행동, 처음듣는 반항의 목소를 듣고는 혼이 나간듯이 보였다.)
다음과 같이 옮겨봤다.
Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time!
왜 혼비백산할 일인지 모르지만 그는 그랬다. 내 앞길을 벽처럼(by the wall) 가로 막았다(right across). 그럴때마다(every time) 나는 힘겹게 그를 넘어서야 했다(I had to creep).
creep 의 영문 설명으로 '알아채지 못하게 조용히 조심스레 천천히 움직이다'는 뜻으로 봐서 주인공은 여전히 독립을 얻지 못한채 '은밀히 투쟁'중이고 남편은 여전히 억압적인 것은 아닐까?
creep:
to move slowly, quietly, and carefully, usually in order to avoid being noticed:
Now why should that man have fainted?
'faint'를 '기절'로 읽기가 좀 의아하다. 다른 사람들은 어떻게 생각 할지 검색 해봤다. 역시 비슷한 질문이 있었다. 뜬금없이 '기절' 이라니 없을리가 없지 않은가! 그런데 답변들이 대부분 '사소하게 봤던 아내의 일시적 우울증이 결국 정신착란에 이르자 놀라 기절' 했다는 해석이 우세하다. (검색: Why does John faint at the end of The 'Yellow Wallpaper'?)
아무리 당황스럽다 해도 의사라는 사람이 기절까지 했을까? 그다음 마무리 문장을 보면 '매번' 넘어가야 했단다(....so that I had to creep over him every time!).
혹시 'faint'에 다른 의미가 있을까 싶어 사전을 찾아보니, 의학용어로서 '기절'을 의미 한단다. 또한 캠브릿지 영어사전은 다음과 같다.
faint:
to suddenly become unconscious for a short time, usually falling down:
예문을 봐도 '실신'에 가깝다. 그래서 상상력을 조금 동원하여 '혼비백산' 쯤으로 해석하면 어떨까? 국어사전에 따르면 '혼비백산'은 '몹시 놀라 넋을 잃다'라는 뜻이다. 위의 영문 사전 설명에 가깝지 않은가?
먼저 다음과 같이 바탕에 깔아놓고,
(아내의 기이한 행동, 처음듣는 반항의 목소를 듣고는 혼이 나간듯이 보였다.)
다음과 같이 옮겨봤다.
Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time!
왜 혼비백산할 일인지 모르지만 그는 그랬다. 내 앞길을 벽처럼(by the wall) 가로 막았다(right across). 그럴때마다(every time) 나는 힘겹게 그를 넘어서야 했다(I had to creep).
creep 의 영문 설명으로 '알아채지 못하게 조용히 조심스레 천천히 움직이다'는 뜻으로 봐서 주인공은 여전히 독립을 얻지 못한채 '은밀히 투쟁'중이고 남편은 여전히 억압적인 것은 아닐까?
creep:
to move slowly, quietly, and carefully, usually in order to avoid being noticed:
2019년 12월 22일 일요일
'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
서론
그동안 소설을 읽을 때 작가의 배경까지 이해하면서 읽지는 않았다. 그저 눈에 띄어서 혹은 괜찮다는 말을 듣고 선택하곤 했다. 그러다 영문 단편소설 수업을 수강하며 토론을 하고 여러 해석을 통해 소설이 더욱 흥미로워 진다는 것을 알게 되었다. 수업에서 'The Yellow Paper'를 읽고, 그 토론중에 '음모론'이 있었다. 의사인 남편은 그의 아내를 서서히 살해(으시시 하다!)할 의도를 가졌다는 것이다. 19세기 말의 한 여성인권 운동가이자 작가의 작품에서 음모론이라니 그저 흥미로운 해석이라고 지나칠 수 있겠으나 전혀 근거가 없어 보이진 않는다. 그래서 찾아보기로 한다. 남편은 계획이 있었다.
본론
이 소설속의 화자는 정신적으로 쇄약한 상태다. 산후 우울(postpartum depression)을 격는 중이란다. 그녀의 남편은 의사다. 'Physician' 이라고 하니 산부인과 의사도 아니고 더구나 정신과 의사도 아닌 것은 분명하다. 그런데 치료랍시고 시골 요양을 택했다. 물론 그의 동료인 다른 의사로부터 처방이라고 한다. 잘먹고 쉬면 나아지는 일시적 공황(temporal depression)이라는 처방과 함께.
이 소설은 작가의 경험을 배경으로 쓰여졌다고 한다. 그녀는 19세기 말 여성의 사회적 대우와 건강개선에 많은 활동을 했다고 한다. 작가 자신도 산후우울을 격었고 정신과 치료를 받았다는 것이다. 그 치료법이 'rest cure'라는데 꼼짝말고 침대에 누워있기다. 오즉하면 'Bed rest'가 동의어다. 사람들과 사교도 금하고 심지어 글쓰기조차 금지한다. 19세기 말은 격동하는 20세기의 산업적 혁명과 사상적 혁명이 폭발하기 직전의 시기다. '세기말'이 대혼란을 뜻하게된 연유가 아닐까. 프로이트의 정신분석이 유행하고 갖가지 정신과 치료도 유행했단다. 그런데 산후우울의 치료에 'rest cure'가 주된 처방이었던 모양이다. 산후조리에 그냥 쉬면 된다니 여성의 건강에 대해 그만큼 무지를 반증하는 것일까? 작가는 자신이 격었던 이 감옥과도 다름없는 치료법에 반대한다. 작가의 전남편도 의사였다. 작가는 그 이후 재혼했다. 조사해보지 않아서 모르겠다만 전남편의 기억이 곱지 않았다면 '음모론'의 근거에 도움이 될까?
소설의 속의 화자는 자신이 어떻게 아픈지 알고 있다. 산후우울이다. 그 치료로서 'rest cure'를 처방받은 모양인데 글쓰기를 금지 당한다. 하지만 대항하지도 않는다. 억압받고 있다. 남편이 의사라지만 자신이 앓고 있는 우울증 전문의도 아니다. 남편 친구인 다른 의사가 정신과 의사였을 것이다. 이 정신과 처방에 더해 내복약 처방도 병행된다. 잘먹고 쉬어야 한다며 강장제와 함께 복용한 약이 있었다. 인산염(Phosphate)인지 아인산염(Phosphite)인지. 인산염은 식품 첨가제이지만 아인산염은 살충성분이 있는 화학물질이다. 화자는 남편의 의도를 알고 있다. 세상에! 발음도 비슷한 화학물을 구분하는 것으로 작가는 서스펜스(suspense)를 삽입하고 있다. 악마는 디테일에 있다고 하지 않던가. 사기협박에는 구체적 숫자나 이름, 명칭 따위를 넣으면 그럴듯 해 보이니까 말이다. 물론 사실과는 상관 없이.
남편은 아랫층 넓고 편안한 방들은 놔두고 윗층 방을 쓰자고 고집한다. 더구나 이 방은 기이하다. 창살이 쳐있고 괴상한 무늬의 벽지가 발라져 있다. 여기저기 찢겨진채로. 키보다 높은 위치에 웬 고리가 달려있다. 방에서 퀴퀴한 지린내 노란(yellow) 냄새도 난다. 누가 여기 갖혀 있었던 것일까? 의사인 남편은 환자인 아내가 편안해 하는 곳으로 부터 떼어놓을 참이다. 시골에 온것은 우울증 치료가 목적이 아님이 분명하다,
작가는 어릴적 미술학교에 다녔다고 한다. 재능도 어지간 했던 모양이다. 작가의 이런 경험이 소설속 화자에게 반영되었다.
벽지의 이상한 무늬는 불편하다 못해 마치 감옥의 창살같다. 실제로 창에 창살이 쳐있다. 남편은 아내에게 치료를 제공한다며 감옥같은 방에 가뒀다. 서서히 사그러들길 바라면서 그랬던 것이 분명하다. 곧 나아질 것이라며 미소를 지으면서.
소설의 주인공은 미적 감각을 지녔다. 정원의 비록 관리되지 않아 지저분 하지만 곧은 회양목 담장, 부둣가로 뻗은 곧은 길에 편안함을 느낀다. 그리고 강가를 거니는 사람들을 상상하는 것으로 보아 사교적이었을 것이 분명하다. 그런데 남편은 치료라면서 상상조차 막는다. 그는 정신과 의사가 아니다. 하지만 가둬 놓으면 우울증이 깊어질 것이란 것은 상식이다. 욕망을 억누르면 병된다. 더구나 '살충제'를 먹이는 중이 아닌가. 남편은 의도가 있다.
화자는 자신이 어떤 병을 앓고 있으며 남편과 그의 의사친구가 어떤 처방을 내렸는지 알고 있다. 화자는 그 처방의 목적을 알고 있는 듯하다. 무섭다. 불편하던 벽지 무늬가 마침내 창살이 되어 조여온다. 달빛에 창살의 그림자가 벽지무늬에 드리우고 그 뒤로 어떤 여자가 기어다닌다. 어둠속에서 웅크린 모습이다. 어둠속에서 그림자로 웅크리며 비틀거리면 귀신이다. 이대로 사그러져야 하는가. 이래선 안된다. 기운을 차리자.
화자의 남편은 뭔가 의도가 있다. 치료라며 부인을 위층 방에 가두고 마을로 간다. 요양이라고 하면서도 마을에 뭔가 할일을 만들어 두었다. 이곳에 오기전 부터 계획이 있었던 것이다 치밀하다. 삼개월 요양을 마치고 떠나는 그날까지도 남편은 마을에 볼일이 있단다. 매우 실용적이고 치밀한 사람이다. 그는 분면 뭔가 계획이 있다. 일단 감옥에어서 탈출하기로 한다. 벽지를 다 뜯어내자. 그러는 사이에 남편이 왔다. 문을 잠궈 놓길 다행이다. 그가 문 열라며 성화다. 열쇄를 마당으로 던졌다. 남편이 마당으로 열쇄를 찾으러 나가는 사이에 문을 박차고 나간다. 탈출이다.
결론
이 소설에는 숨은 음모가 있다. 남편은 의도가 있다. 정신과 의사도 아닌 일반의로서 친구를 대동하여 자신의 아내를 압박한다; 유행하는 'rest cure'라면 감쪽 같겠지. 아니다 약도 복용 시키야 겠다. 아인산염을 먹이며 인산염이라고 하면 어찌 알겠는가. 남편은 의사라는 가면을 쓰고 비전문 분야의 증상에 처방을 내민다. 그는 의도를 가지고 있다. 이 소설은 음모를 가지고 있음이 분명하다. 귀신 나올것 같은 음산히고 낭만의 정점에 이른 집에서 벌어지는 이야기다. 겉으로는 유복한 의사의 가정에 이런 모종의 음모가 진행중이었던 것이다!
덧붙임,
이 소설에 대한 해석이 다양하다. 여성의 사회적 지위 신장에 대한 해석이 대부분이다. 그 중 '황색언론, Yellow Journalism' 에 대한 비판으로 보는 시각도 있다. "sprawling flamboyant patterns committing every artistic sin"을 황색언론의 자극적인 제목뽑기를 비판한 것이라고 해석된다는 것이다. 그렇다면 음모론의 시각에서 해석해 보지 못할 이유는 없다.
작가를 실제로 진찰하고 'rest cure'라는 처방을 내렸던 의사가 이 소설을 읽고 자신의 처방이 잘못 돼었노라고 술회했다고 한다. 한편의 글이 누군가의 삶을 바꿀 수 있다는데 동의한다.
작가의 이력을 보면 세명의 이모가 있는데 모두 그시대의 진보적 지식인 이었다. 세분 모두 인권운동가, 작가 였다. 그중 한분이 '톰아저씨 오두막'의 저자 스토우 부인. 작가가 어렸을 적에 그녀의 아버지가 부인과 아이들을 두고 나가버렸지만 좋은 교육을 받고 인권운동가로 자랄 수 있었던 것은 이모들의 덕이 컷다.
이 소설에서 무늬에 집착하는 것은 소싯적 미술학교에 다닌 탓이다. 디자인에 관한 일부 전문용어(대칭성, 일관성, 반복성 등)가 등장한다.
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[원문읽기]
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참고
[1] The Yellow Wallpaper,
https://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/theliteratureofprescription/exhibitionAssets/digitalDocs/The-Yellow-Wall-Paper.pdf
[2] The Yellow Wallpaper, Wiki Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yellow_Wallpaper
[3] Rest Cure(Bed Rest), Wiki Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bed_rest
[4] Yellow Wallpaper - Animated, https://youtu.be/3ewLvOAibDk
[5] The Yellow Wallpaper: Crash Course Literature #407, https://youtu.be/rtepIKeNHPU,
서론
그동안 소설을 읽을 때 작가의 배경까지 이해하면서 읽지는 않았다. 그저 눈에 띄어서 혹은 괜찮다는 말을 듣고 선택하곤 했다. 그러다 영문 단편소설 수업을 수강하며 토론을 하고 여러 해석을 통해 소설이 더욱 흥미로워 진다는 것을 알게 되었다. 수업에서 'The Yellow Paper'를 읽고, 그 토론중에 '음모론'이 있었다. 의사인 남편은 그의 아내를 서서히 살해(으시시 하다!)할 의도를 가졌다는 것이다. 19세기 말의 한 여성인권 운동가이자 작가의 작품에서 음모론이라니 그저 흥미로운 해석이라고 지나칠 수 있겠으나 전혀 근거가 없어 보이진 않는다. 그래서 찾아보기로 한다. 남편은 계획이 있었다.
본론
이 소설속의 화자는 정신적으로 쇄약한 상태다. 산후 우울(postpartum depression)을 격는 중이란다. 그녀의 남편은 의사다. 'Physician' 이라고 하니 산부인과 의사도 아니고 더구나 정신과 의사도 아닌 것은 분명하다. 그런데 치료랍시고 시골 요양을 택했다. 물론 그의 동료인 다른 의사로부터 처방이라고 한다. 잘먹고 쉬면 나아지는 일시적 공황(temporal depression)이라는 처방과 함께.
이 소설은 작가의 경험을 배경으로 쓰여졌다고 한다. 그녀는 19세기 말 여성의 사회적 대우와 건강개선에 많은 활동을 했다고 한다. 작가 자신도 산후우울을 격었고 정신과 치료를 받았다는 것이다. 그 치료법이 'rest cure'라는데 꼼짝말고 침대에 누워있기다. 오즉하면 'Bed rest'가 동의어다. 사람들과 사교도 금하고 심지어 글쓰기조차 금지한다. 19세기 말은 격동하는 20세기의 산업적 혁명과 사상적 혁명이 폭발하기 직전의 시기다. '세기말'이 대혼란을 뜻하게된 연유가 아닐까. 프로이트의 정신분석이 유행하고 갖가지 정신과 치료도 유행했단다. 그런데 산후우울의 치료에 'rest cure'가 주된 처방이었던 모양이다. 산후조리에 그냥 쉬면 된다니 여성의 건강에 대해 그만큼 무지를 반증하는 것일까? 작가는 자신이 격었던 이 감옥과도 다름없는 치료법에 반대한다. 작가의 전남편도 의사였다. 작가는 그 이후 재혼했다. 조사해보지 않아서 모르겠다만 전남편의 기억이 곱지 않았다면 '음모론'의 근거에 도움이 될까?
소설의 속의 화자는 자신이 어떻게 아픈지 알고 있다. 산후우울이다. 그 치료로서 'rest cure'를 처방받은 모양인데 글쓰기를 금지 당한다. 하지만 대항하지도 않는다. 억압받고 있다. 남편이 의사라지만 자신이 앓고 있는 우울증 전문의도 아니다. 남편 친구인 다른 의사가 정신과 의사였을 것이다. 이 정신과 처방에 더해 내복약 처방도 병행된다. 잘먹고 쉬어야 한다며 강장제와 함께 복용한 약이 있었다. 인산염(Phosphate)인지 아인산염(Phosphite)인지. 인산염은 식품 첨가제이지만 아인산염은 살충성분이 있는 화학물질이다. 화자는 남편의 의도를 알고 있다. 세상에! 발음도 비슷한 화학물을 구분하는 것으로 작가는 서스펜스(suspense)를 삽입하고 있다. 악마는 디테일에 있다고 하지 않던가. 사기협박에는 구체적 숫자나 이름, 명칭 따위를 넣으면 그럴듯 해 보이니까 말이다. 물론 사실과는 상관 없이.
남편은 아랫층 넓고 편안한 방들은 놔두고 윗층 방을 쓰자고 고집한다. 더구나 이 방은 기이하다. 창살이 쳐있고 괴상한 무늬의 벽지가 발라져 있다. 여기저기 찢겨진채로. 키보다 높은 위치에 웬 고리가 달려있다. 방에서 퀴퀴한 지린내 노란(yellow) 냄새도 난다. 누가 여기 갖혀 있었던 것일까? 의사인 남편은 환자인 아내가 편안해 하는 곳으로 부터 떼어놓을 참이다. 시골에 온것은 우울증 치료가 목적이 아님이 분명하다,
작가는 어릴적 미술학교에 다녔다고 한다. 재능도 어지간 했던 모양이다. 작가의 이런 경험이 소설속 화자에게 반영되었다.
벽지의 이상한 무늬는 불편하다 못해 마치 감옥의 창살같다. 실제로 창에 창살이 쳐있다. 남편은 아내에게 치료를 제공한다며 감옥같은 방에 가뒀다. 서서히 사그러들길 바라면서 그랬던 것이 분명하다. 곧 나아질 것이라며 미소를 지으면서.
소설의 주인공은 미적 감각을 지녔다. 정원의 비록 관리되지 않아 지저분 하지만 곧은 회양목 담장, 부둣가로 뻗은 곧은 길에 편안함을 느낀다. 그리고 강가를 거니는 사람들을 상상하는 것으로 보아 사교적이었을 것이 분명하다. 그런데 남편은 치료라면서 상상조차 막는다. 그는 정신과 의사가 아니다. 하지만 가둬 놓으면 우울증이 깊어질 것이란 것은 상식이다. 욕망을 억누르면 병된다. 더구나 '살충제'를 먹이는 중이 아닌가. 남편은 의도가 있다.
화자는 자신이 어떤 병을 앓고 있으며 남편과 그의 의사친구가 어떤 처방을 내렸는지 알고 있다. 화자는 그 처방의 목적을 알고 있는 듯하다. 무섭다. 불편하던 벽지 무늬가 마침내 창살이 되어 조여온다. 달빛에 창살의 그림자가 벽지무늬에 드리우고 그 뒤로 어떤 여자가 기어다닌다. 어둠속에서 웅크린 모습이다. 어둠속에서 그림자로 웅크리며 비틀거리면 귀신이다. 이대로 사그러져야 하는가. 이래선 안된다. 기운을 차리자.
화자의 남편은 뭔가 의도가 있다. 치료라며 부인을 위층 방에 가두고 마을로 간다. 요양이라고 하면서도 마을에 뭔가 할일을 만들어 두었다. 이곳에 오기전 부터 계획이 있었던 것이다 치밀하다. 삼개월 요양을 마치고 떠나는 그날까지도 남편은 마을에 볼일이 있단다. 매우 실용적이고 치밀한 사람이다. 그는 분면 뭔가 계획이 있다. 일단 감옥에어서 탈출하기로 한다. 벽지를 다 뜯어내자. 그러는 사이에 남편이 왔다. 문을 잠궈 놓길 다행이다. 그가 문 열라며 성화다. 열쇄를 마당으로 던졌다. 남편이 마당으로 열쇄를 찾으러 나가는 사이에 문을 박차고 나간다. 탈출이다.
결론
이 소설에는 숨은 음모가 있다. 남편은 의도가 있다. 정신과 의사도 아닌 일반의로서 친구를 대동하여 자신의 아내를 압박한다; 유행하는 'rest cure'라면 감쪽 같겠지. 아니다 약도 복용 시키야 겠다. 아인산염을 먹이며 인산염이라고 하면 어찌 알겠는가. 남편은 의사라는 가면을 쓰고 비전문 분야의 증상에 처방을 내민다. 그는 의도를 가지고 있다. 이 소설은 음모를 가지고 있음이 분명하다. 귀신 나올것 같은 음산히고 낭만의 정점에 이른 집에서 벌어지는 이야기다. 겉으로는 유복한 의사의 가정에 이런 모종의 음모가 진행중이었던 것이다!
덧붙임,
이 소설에 대한 해석이 다양하다. 여성의 사회적 지위 신장에 대한 해석이 대부분이다. 그 중 '황색언론, Yellow Journalism' 에 대한 비판으로 보는 시각도 있다. "sprawling flamboyant patterns committing every artistic sin"을 황색언론의 자극적인 제목뽑기를 비판한 것이라고 해석된다는 것이다. 그렇다면 음모론의 시각에서 해석해 보지 못할 이유는 없다.
작가를 실제로 진찰하고 'rest cure'라는 처방을 내렸던 의사가 이 소설을 읽고 자신의 처방이 잘못 돼었노라고 술회했다고 한다. 한편의 글이 누군가의 삶을 바꿀 수 있다는데 동의한다.
작가의 이력을 보면 세명의 이모가 있는데 모두 그시대의 진보적 지식인 이었다. 세분 모두 인권운동가, 작가 였다. 그중 한분이 '톰아저씨 오두막'의 저자 스토우 부인. 작가가 어렸을 적에 그녀의 아버지가 부인과 아이들을 두고 나가버렸지만 좋은 교육을 받고 인권운동가로 자랄 수 있었던 것은 이모들의 덕이 컷다.
이 소설에서 무늬에 집착하는 것은 소싯적 미술학교에 다닌 탓이다. 디자인에 관한 일부 전문용어(대칭성, 일관성, 반복성 등)가 등장한다.
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참고
[1] The Yellow Wallpaper,
https://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/theliteratureofprescription/exhibitionAssets/digitalDocs/The-Yellow-Wall-Paper.pdf
[2] The Yellow Wallpaper, Wiki Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yellow_Wallpaper
[3] Rest Cure(Bed Rest), Wiki Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bed_rest
[4] Yellow Wallpaper - Animated, https://youtu.be/3ewLvOAibDk
[5] The Yellow Wallpaper: Crash Course Literature #407, https://youtu.be/rtepIKeNHPU,
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