The Egg (작가및 작품 소개)
by Sherwood Anderson
2020년 1월 20일 월요일
Louise (4/4)
Louise (4/4)
by Somerset Maugham
She was always glad to receive her friends at tea-time and now that she was older she cultivated the society of painters and writers.
"Well, I hear that Iris isn't going to be married," I said after a while.
"I don't know about that. She's not going to be married quite as soon
as I could have wished. I've begged her on my bended knees not to
consider me, but she absolutely refuses to leave me."
* cultivated: 경작하다, 교양있는
* cultivate: =associate with
* on my bended knees: 무릅을 꿇고서
"Don’t you think it’s rather hard on her?"
"당신 딸이 더 힘들다고 생각하진 않아요?"
"Dreadfully. Of course it can only be for a few months, but I hate the
thought of anyone sacrificing themselves for me."
"My dear Louise, you’ve buried two husbands, I can’t see the least reason why you shouldn’t bury at least two more."
"Do you think that's funny?" she asked me in a tone that she made as
offensive as she could.
"I suppose it’s never struck you as strange that you’re always strong enough to do anything you want to and that your weak heart only prevents you from doing things that bore you?"
내가 보기에는 당신은 낮선일로(as strange) 충격받은 적이 없잖아요. 당신은 원하는 일을 할 땐 언제나 충분히 강했죠. 당신의 약한 심장은 당신이 지루해 하는(하기싫은)일을 막았지요."
"Oh, I know, I know what you’ve always thought of me. You’ve never believed that I had anything the matter with me, have you?" I looked at her full and square.
"Never. I think you’ve carried out for twenty-five years a stupendous bluff. I think you’re the most selfish and monstrous woman I have ever known. You ruined the lives of those two wretched men you married and now you’re going to ruin the life of your daughter."
* bluff: 1. 허풍 2. 벼랑
* I had anything the matter with me: 나한테 무슨 문제가 있다고
I should not have been surprised if Louise had had a heart attack then. I fully expected her to fly into a passion. She merely gave me a gentle smile.
* fly into a passion: 벌컥 화를 내다
"My poor friend, one of these days you’ll be so dreadfully sorry you said this to me."
"Have you quite determined that Iris shall not marry this boy?"
"I've begged her to marry him. I know it’ll kill me, but I don't mind. Nobody cares for me. I’m just a burden to everybody."
"Did you tell her it would kill you?"
"She made me."
"As if anyone ever made you do anything that you were not yourself quite determined to do."
"She can marry her young man tomorrow if she likes. If it kills me, it kills me."
"Well, let’s risk it, shall we?"
"Haven’t you got any compassion for me?"
"One can’t pity anyone who amuses one as much as you amuse me," I answered.
A faint spot of colour appeared on Louise’s pale cheeks and though she smiled still her eyes were hard and angry.
"Iris shall marry in a month’s time," she said, "and if anything happens to me I hope you and she will be able to forgive yourselves."
Louise was as good as her word. A date was fixed, a trousseau of great magnificence was ordered, and invitations were issued. Iris and the very good lad were radiant. On the wedding-day, at ten o’clock in the morning, Louise, that devilish woman, had one of her heart attacks-and died. She died gently forgiving Iris for having killed her.
(1936)
* trousseau: 웨딩드레스를 포함한 신부의 혼수 일체
* radiant: (행복감, 건강 등으로) 빛나는, 환한
루이스는 그녀의 말을 지켰다. 날짜는 정해졌다. 최고의 혼수(trousseau of great magnificence)가 주문 되었고 초청장도 보내졌다(was issued). 아침 10시, 루이스, 이 악마같은(devilish) 여인은 그녀의 심장마비 한방으로(one of her heart attacks) 죽었다. 그녀는 죽음을 이르게한 아이리스를 우아하게 용서하며 죽은 것이다.
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[처음][이전]
by Somerset Maugham
She was always glad to receive her friends at tea-time and now that she was older she cultivated the society of painters and writers.
"Well, I hear that Iris isn't going to be married," I said after a while.
"I don't know about that. She's not going to be married quite as soon
as I could have wished. I've begged her on my bended knees not to
consider me, but she absolutely refuses to leave me."
* cultivated: 경작하다, 교양있는
* cultivate: =associate with
* on my bended knees: 무릅을 꿇고서
"Don’t you think it’s rather hard on her?"
"당신 딸이 더 힘들다고 생각하진 않아요?"
"Dreadfully. Of course it can only be for a few months, but I hate the
thought of anyone sacrificing themselves for me."
"My dear Louise, you’ve buried two husbands, I can’t see the least reason why you shouldn’t bury at least two more."
"Do you think that's funny?" she asked me in a tone that she made as
offensive as she could.
"I suppose it’s never struck you as strange that you’re always strong enough to do anything you want to and that your weak heart only prevents you from doing things that bore you?"
내가 보기에는 당신은 낮선일로(as strange) 충격받은 적이 없잖아요. 당신은 원하는 일을 할 땐 언제나 충분히 강했죠. 당신의 약한 심장은 당신이 지루해 하는(하기싫은)일을 막았지요."
"Oh, I know, I know what you’ve always thought of me. You’ve never believed that I had anything the matter with me, have you?" I looked at her full and square.
"Never. I think you’ve carried out for twenty-five years a stupendous bluff. I think you’re the most selfish and monstrous woman I have ever known. You ruined the lives of those two wretched men you married and now you’re going to ruin the life of your daughter."
* bluff: 1. 허풍 2. 벼랑
* I had anything the matter with me: 나한테 무슨 문제가 있다고
I should not have been surprised if Louise had had a heart attack then. I fully expected her to fly into a passion. She merely gave me a gentle smile.
* fly into a passion: 벌컥 화를 내다
"My poor friend, one of these days you’ll be so dreadfully sorry you said this to me."
"Have you quite determined that Iris shall not marry this boy?"
"I've begged her to marry him. I know it’ll kill me, but I don't mind. Nobody cares for me. I’m just a burden to everybody."
"Did you tell her it would kill you?"
"She made me."
"As if anyone ever made you do anything that you were not yourself quite determined to do."
"She can marry her young man tomorrow if she likes. If it kills me, it kills me."
"Well, let’s risk it, shall we?"
"Haven’t you got any compassion for me?"
"One can’t pity anyone who amuses one as much as you amuse me," I answered.
A faint spot of colour appeared on Louise’s pale cheeks and though she smiled still her eyes were hard and angry.
"Iris shall marry in a month’s time," she said, "and if anything happens to me I hope you and she will be able to forgive yourselves."
Louise was as good as her word. A date was fixed, a trousseau of great magnificence was ordered, and invitations were issued. Iris and the very good lad were radiant. On the wedding-day, at ten o’clock in the morning, Louise, that devilish woman, had one of her heart attacks-and died. She died gently forgiving Iris for having killed her.
(1936)
* trousseau: 웨딩드레스를 포함한 신부의 혼수 일체
* radiant: (행복감, 건강 등으로) 빛나는, 환한
루이스는 그녀의 말을 지켰다. 날짜는 정해졌다. 최고의 혼수(trousseau of great magnificence)가 주문 되었고 초청장도 보내졌다(was issued). 아침 10시, 루이스, 이 악마같은(devilish) 여인은 그녀의 심장마비 한방으로(one of her heart attacks) 죽었다. 그녀는 죽음을 이르게한 아이리스를 우아하게 용서하며 죽은 것이다.
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[처음][이전]
Louise (3/4)
Louise (3/4)
by Somerset Maugham
It didn't kill her. She had the time of her life. There was no convalescent home in France that was more popular. I met her by chance in Paris. She was lunching at the Ritz with a tall and very handsome young Frenchman. She explained that she was there on business connected with the hospital. She told me that the officers were too charming to her.
그것(요양병원 차린것)은 그녀를 죽이지 않았다. 그녀는 그녀의 전성기를 보냈다[화자의 시각에서 볼때 그녀는 인생을 즐기는 중]. 프랑스에는 요양병원(convalescent home)이 없었다. (몬테칼로에 있는)그녀의 병원은 인기를 구가했다. 우연히 파리에서 만났다. 키크고 잘생긴 젊은 프랑스 남자와 리츠에서 점심을 하는 중이었다. 그녀는 (파리에) 병원 사업차 왔다고 했다. (병원에 있는)장교들이 그녀에게 아주 잘해주고 있다고[charming, 떠바쳐주고 있다고] 말했다.
* convalescent: 회복기의
* had the time of her life: 즐거운 시간을 보냈다, 전성기를 보냈다
They knew how delicate she was and they wouldn't let her do a single thing. They took care of her, well―as though they were all her husbands.
그들(병원의 환자 장교들)은 그녀가 아주 섬세하다고 알고있고 혼자 일하게 두지 않았다[주변에 남자들이 들끓는다]. 그들은 그녀를 잘 돌봤다. 마치 그들 모두 그녀의 남편이라도 된듯이! [전상자들인 장교들이 오히려 병원 주인을 돌본다니 이런 모순이 있나!]
She sighed. "Poor George, who would ever have thought that I with my heart should survive him?"
그녀는 한숨쉬며 말했다. "불쌍한 죠지(두번째 남편).... 그 없이 내가 살수 있을거라고 누군들 생각 했겠어?"
"And poor Tom!" I said.
"톰(첫남편)도 불쌍해", 내가 말했다.
I don't know why she didn't like my saying that. She gave me her plaintive smile and her beautiful eyes filled with tears.
* plaintive: 애처로운
그녀가 내 말을 좋아하지 않은 이유를 알 수 없었다[화자는 독설을 퍼붙고는 시침떼고있다.] 그녀는 아름다운 눈에 눈물을 머금고는 애처로운 미소를 지었다.
"You always speak as though you grudged me the few years that I can expect to live."
* grudged: 원한, 나쁘게생각하다, 뒤끝
"당신은 몇년 전부터 내가 살아남은게 언짢은 듯이 말하는 군요?"
"By the way, your heart's much better, isn't it?"
"어쨌든 당신 심장은 더 좋아지고 있잖소. 그렇지 않소?"
"It'll never be better. I saw a specialist this morning and he said I must be prepared for the worst."
"좋아지지 않을 거예요. 오늘 아침에도 전문의 (진료)를 봤는데 최악의 경우를 대비해야 한다더군요."
"Oh, well, you've been prepared for that for nearly twenty years now,
haven't you?"
*grudge: 아까워하다, 배 아파하다
"아 그래요, 20년동안 준비해온 것 아니었소?"
When the war came to an end Louise settled in London. She was now a woman of over forty, thin and frail still, with large eyes and pale cheeks, but she did not look a day more than twenty–five.
전쟁이 끝나고 루이스는 런던에 정착했다. 그녀는 이제 40을 넘긴 여자가 됐다. 마르고 여전히 큰눈과 창백한 뺨을 한 연약한 (여자)였다. 하지만 그녀는 25에서 하루더 이상 보이지 않았다.[25보다 하루도 더 먹어보이지 않다.]
Iris, who had been at school and was now grown up, came to live with her. "She’ll take care of me," said Louise. "Of course, it'll be hard on her to live with such a great invalid as I am, but it can only be for such a little while, I'm sure she won’t mind."
학교에 다니던 아이리스는 이제 다 커서 그녀의 삶을 살때가 되었다. "그애가 나를 돌봐주고 있어요." 라며 그녀(루이스)가 말했다. "물론 나처럼 크게 쓸모없는 사람과 함께 산다는게 힘들거라는 걸 알아요. 하지만 잠시 뿐일 겁니다.[나는 곧 죽을거야...] 그애가 개의치 않을 거라 확신해요."
Iris was a nice girl. She had been brought up with the knowledge that her mother's health was precarious. As a child she had never been allowed to make a noise. She had always realized that her mother must on no account be upset. And though Louise told her now that she would not hear of her sacrificing herself for a tiresome old woman the girl simply would not listen. It wasn’t a question of sacrificing herself, it was a happiness to do what she could for her poor dear mother. With a sigh her mother let her do a great deal.
* precarious: 불확실한, 위태로운
* on no account: 절대로 ~아니다
"It pleases the child to think she’s making herself useful," she said.
"Don’t you think she ought to go out and about more?" I asked.
"That's what I'm always telling her. I can’t get her to enjoy herself. Heaven knows, I never want anyone to put themselves out on my
account."
And Iris, when I remonstrated with her, said:
"Poor dear mother, she wants me to go and stay with friends and go to parties, but the moment I start off anywhere she has one of her heart attacks, so I much prefer to stay at home."
* remonstrate: 항의하다, 충고하다
* put somebody out: ~에게 폐를 끼치다
"불쌍한 엄마, 엄마는 나더라 밖에나가 친구들과 어울리길 바라죠. 연회에도 가고. 하지만 제가 어디라도 나갈라 치면 엄마는 심장마비가 오는거예요. 결국 저는 집에 있어야 하죠."
But presently she fell in love. A young friend of mine, a very good lad, asked her to marry him and she consented. I liked the child and was glad that she was to be given at last the chance to lead a life of her own. She had never seemed to suspect that such a thing was possible.
* lad: 청년, 젊은이
하지만 지금은 그녀(아이리느)는 사랑에 빠졌다. 내가아는 젊은 친구인데 아주 건실한 젊은이로 그녀에서 결혼하자고 청혼 했다. 나는 그 애를 좋게 봤고 그애가 그녀 자신의 인생을 스스로 인도할 마지막 기회가 주어진것에 기뻤다. 그애는 그런일이 가능하리란것 생각해본적도 없었다.
But one day the young man came to me in great distress and told me that his marriage was indefinitely postponed. Iris felt that she could not desert her mother. Of course it was really no business of mine, but I made the opportunity to go and see Louise.
하지만 어느날 젊은 친구가 큰 고민거리를 가지고 내게와서 결혼이 무작정 연기됐다고 말했다. 아이리스가 그녀의 엄마를 내버려 둘(desert) 수 없다는 것이다. 물론 이일이 나랑은 상관 없다. 하지만 루이스를 만나보기로 했다(make an opportunity..)
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[처음][이전][다음]
by Somerset Maugham
It didn't kill her. She had the time of her life. There was no convalescent home in France that was more popular. I met her by chance in Paris. She was lunching at the Ritz with a tall and very handsome young Frenchman. She explained that she was there on business connected with the hospital. She told me that the officers were too charming to her.
그것(요양병원 차린것)은 그녀를 죽이지 않았다. 그녀는 그녀의 전성기를 보냈다[화자의 시각에서 볼때 그녀는 인생을 즐기는 중]. 프랑스에는 요양병원(convalescent home)이 없었다. (몬테칼로에 있는)그녀의 병원은 인기를 구가했다. 우연히 파리에서 만났다. 키크고 잘생긴 젊은 프랑스 남자와 리츠에서 점심을 하는 중이었다. 그녀는 (파리에) 병원 사업차 왔다고 했다. (병원에 있는)장교들이 그녀에게 아주 잘해주고 있다고[charming, 떠바쳐주고 있다고] 말했다.
* convalescent: 회복기의
* had the time of her life: 즐거운 시간을 보냈다, 전성기를 보냈다
They knew how delicate she was and they wouldn't let her do a single thing. They took care of her, well―as though they were all her husbands.
그들(병원의 환자 장교들)은 그녀가 아주 섬세하다고 알고있고 혼자 일하게 두지 않았다[주변에 남자들이 들끓는다]. 그들은 그녀를 잘 돌봤다. 마치 그들 모두 그녀의 남편이라도 된듯이! [전상자들인 장교들이 오히려 병원 주인을 돌본다니 이런 모순이 있나!]
She sighed. "Poor George, who would ever have thought that I with my heart should survive him?"
그녀는 한숨쉬며 말했다. "불쌍한 죠지(두번째 남편).... 그 없이 내가 살수 있을거라고 누군들 생각 했겠어?"
"And poor Tom!" I said.
"톰(첫남편)도 불쌍해", 내가 말했다.
I don't know why she didn't like my saying that. She gave me her plaintive smile and her beautiful eyes filled with tears.
* plaintive: 애처로운
그녀가 내 말을 좋아하지 않은 이유를 알 수 없었다[화자는 독설을 퍼붙고는 시침떼고있다.] 그녀는 아름다운 눈에 눈물을 머금고는 애처로운 미소를 지었다.
"You always speak as though you grudged me the few years that I can expect to live."
* grudged: 원한, 나쁘게생각하다, 뒤끝
"당신은 몇년 전부터 내가 살아남은게 언짢은 듯이 말하는 군요?"
"By the way, your heart's much better, isn't it?"
"어쨌든 당신 심장은 더 좋아지고 있잖소. 그렇지 않소?"
"It'll never be better. I saw a specialist this morning and he said I must be prepared for the worst."
"좋아지지 않을 거예요. 오늘 아침에도 전문의 (진료)를 봤는데 최악의 경우를 대비해야 한다더군요."
"Oh, well, you've been prepared for that for nearly twenty years now,
haven't you?"
*grudge: 아까워하다, 배 아파하다
"아 그래요, 20년동안 준비해온 것 아니었소?"
When the war came to an end Louise settled in London. She was now a woman of over forty, thin and frail still, with large eyes and pale cheeks, but she did not look a day more than twenty–five.
전쟁이 끝나고 루이스는 런던에 정착했다. 그녀는 이제 40을 넘긴 여자가 됐다. 마르고 여전히 큰눈과 창백한 뺨을 한 연약한 (여자)였다. 하지만 그녀는 25에서 하루더 이상 보이지 않았다.[25보다 하루도 더 먹어보이지 않다.]
Iris, who had been at school and was now grown up, came to live with her. "She’ll take care of me," said Louise. "Of course, it'll be hard on her to live with such a great invalid as I am, but it can only be for such a little while, I'm sure she won’t mind."
학교에 다니던 아이리스는 이제 다 커서 그녀의 삶을 살때가 되었다. "그애가 나를 돌봐주고 있어요." 라며 그녀(루이스)가 말했다. "물론 나처럼 크게 쓸모없는 사람과 함께 산다는게 힘들거라는 걸 알아요. 하지만 잠시 뿐일 겁니다.[나는 곧 죽을거야...] 그애가 개의치 않을 거라 확신해요."
Iris was a nice girl. She had been brought up with the knowledge that her mother's health was precarious. As a child she had never been allowed to make a noise. She had always realized that her mother must on no account be upset. And though Louise told her now that she would not hear of her sacrificing herself for a tiresome old woman the girl simply would not listen. It wasn’t a question of sacrificing herself, it was a happiness to do what she could for her poor dear mother. With a sigh her mother let her do a great deal.
* precarious: 불확실한, 위태로운
* on no account: 절대로 ~아니다
"It pleases the child to think she’s making herself useful," she said.
"Don’t you think she ought to go out and about more?" I asked.
"That's what I'm always telling her. I can’t get her to enjoy herself. Heaven knows, I never want anyone to put themselves out on my
account."
And Iris, when I remonstrated with her, said:
"Poor dear mother, she wants me to go and stay with friends and go to parties, but the moment I start off anywhere she has one of her heart attacks, so I much prefer to stay at home."
* remonstrate: 항의하다, 충고하다
* put somebody out: ~에게 폐를 끼치다
"불쌍한 엄마, 엄마는 나더라 밖에나가 친구들과 어울리길 바라죠. 연회에도 가고. 하지만 제가 어디라도 나갈라 치면 엄마는 심장마비가 오는거예요. 결국 저는 집에 있어야 하죠."
But presently she fell in love. A young friend of mine, a very good lad, asked her to marry him and she consented. I liked the child and was glad that she was to be given at last the chance to lead a life of her own. She had never seemed to suspect that such a thing was possible.
* lad: 청년, 젊은이
하지만 지금은 그녀(아이리느)는 사랑에 빠졌다. 내가아는 젊은 친구인데 아주 건실한 젊은이로 그녀에서 결혼하자고 청혼 했다. 나는 그 애를 좋게 봤고 그애가 그녀 자신의 인생을 스스로 인도할 마지막 기회가 주어진것에 기뻤다. 그애는 그런일이 가능하리란것 생각해본적도 없었다.
But one day the young man came to me in great distress and told me that his marriage was indefinitely postponed. Iris felt that she could not desert her mother. Of course it was really no business of mine, but I made the opportunity to go and see Louise.
하지만 어느날 젊은 친구가 큰 고민거리를 가지고 내게와서 결혼이 무작정 연기됐다고 말했다. 아이리스가 그녀의 엄마를 내버려 둘(desert) 수 없다는 것이다. 물론 이일이 나랑은 상관 없다. 하지만 루이스를 만나보기로 했다(make an opportunity..)
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[처음][이전][다음]
Louise (2/4)
Louise (2/4)
by Somerset Maugham
Louise outlived her husband. He caught his death of cold one day when they were sailing and Louise needed all the rugs there were to keep her warm.
*catch one’s death of cold: 지독한 감기에 걸리다
He left her a comfortable fortune and a daughter. Louise was inconsolable. It was wonderful that she managed to survive the shock. Her friends expected her speedily to follow poor Tom Maitland to the grave.
* fortune: 운, 재산
* inconsolable: 위로할길 없는, 크게 낙심한
그는 그녀에게 편안한 운(풍요한 유산)과 딸 하나를 남기고 죽었다. 루이스는 크게 낙심했다(inconsolable). 그녀가 충격에서 벗어나기 위해 무척 애쓰(manage to~)는 것이 놀라웠다. 그녀의 친구들은 그녀가 빠른시일내에 불쌍한 톰 메이트랜드를 따라 무덤으로 들어갈 거라고 예상했다.
Indeed they already felt dreadfully sorry for Iris, her daughter, who would be left an orphan. They redoubled their attentions towards Louise.
실제로 그들(친구들)은 이미 그녀의 딸 아이리스에게 고아가 되어 남겨질까봐 동정심을 느꼈다(부모모두 죽었다고 치고). 그들은 루이스에거 관심을 두배로 기울 였다. [루이스에 대한 그들의 관심이 배가 되었다.]
They would not let her stir a finger; they insisted on doing everything in the world to save her trouble. They had to, because if she was called upon to do anything tiresome or inconvenient her heart went back on her and there she was at death’s door.
* went back on: = failed
She was entirely lost without a man to take care of her, she said, and she did not know how, with her delicate health, she was going to bring up her dear Iris. Her friends asked why she did not marry again.
* bring up: (아이를) 키우다.
Oh, with her heart it was out of the question, though of course she knew that dear Tom would have wished her to, and perhaps it would be the best thing for Iris if she did; but who would want to be bothered with a wretched invalid like herself?
* wretched: 비참한
Oddly enough more than one young man showed himself quite ready to undertake the charge and a year after Tom’s death she allowed George Hobhouse to lead her to the altar.
* altar: 제단, 분향소, 변기
* lead to the altar: = marry
* George Hobhouse: 죠지 헙하우스, 루이스의 두번째 남편 이름. 직업군인.
He was a fine, upstanding fellow and he was not at all badly off. I never saw anyone so grateful as he for the privilege of being allowed to take care of this frail little thing.
* this frail little thing: 이 가련한 작은 것=루이스
'I shan’t live to trouble you long,' she said.
'나는 당신을 오랬동안 어려움에 빠트릴 수는 없어요', 그녀가 말했다.
* 청혼을 거절 하는 듯이 말하지만 결국 결혼 함
He was a soldier and an ambitious one, but he resigned his commission. Louise’s health forced her to spend the winter at Monte Carlo and the summer at Deauville.
* resigned his commission: 전역하였다
* 몬테칼로에 겨울 별장을 구입했다.
He hesitated a little at throwing up his career, and Louise at first would not hear of it; but at last she yielded as she always yielded, and he prepared to make his wife’s last few years as happy as might be.
그는 그의 직업(career)을 포기할때 약간 망설였다. 그리고 루이스는 처음에 이사실을 잘 몰랐다. 하지만 결국 그녀도 그예 그랬듯이 양보했다(남v편의 포기를 마지 못해 받아들이는 식으로). 그리고 그는 그의 아내의 얼마 남지 않은 여생을 행복하게 해주리라 마음 먹었다(prepare).
'It can't be very long now,' she said. 'I'll try not to be troublesome.'
오래살것 같지 않아요. 말썽장이가 되지 않도록 할께요', 그녀가 말했다.
For the next two or three years Louise managed, notwithstanding her weak heart, to go beautifully dressed to all the most lively parties, to gamble very heavily, to dance and even to flirt with tall slim young men.
But George Hobhouse had not the stamina of Louise’s first husband and he had to brace himself now and then with a stiff drink for his day’s work as Louise’s second husband. It is possible that the habit would have grown on him, which Louise would not have liked at all, but very fortunately (for her) the war broke out.
* brace: 대비하다. 기운내다. 버티다.
* stiff drink: 폭주(strong drink)
* day’s work as Louise’s second husband: 그의 일과는 루이스의 두번째 남편
* the habit would have grown on him: 그는 점점 그 습관에 빠져들었을 것이다
* very fortunately (for her) the war broke out: 전쟁이 발발한 것은 그녀에게 아주 다행이다. [화자의 시각을 보여준다. 루이스는 두번째 남편을 탐탁지 않게 여기고 있다.]
He rejoined his regiment and three months later was killed. It was a great shock to Louise. She felt, however, that in such a crisis she must not give way to a private grief; and if she had a heart attack nobody heard of it.
그는 다시 군대로 돌아 갔고 몇달후 전사했다. 루이스에게 큰 충격이었을 것 같았다. 하지만 그녀의 개인적 슬품으로 받아들이지 않았다[전사는 국가적 재앙임. 이역시 비꼬는 듯한 표현]. 아무도 그녀가 심장마비가 왔다는 이야길 들은 사람은 없었다.
In order to distract her mind she turned her villa at Monte Carlo into a hospital for convalescent officers. Her friends told her that she would never survive the strain.
* distract: 관심을 빼앗다.
* convalescent: 회복기 환자
그녀는 그녀의 (상심한) 마음을 달래기 위해(distract) 몬테 칼로에 있는 그녀의 빌라를 장교요양 병원으로 개조했다. [부상 치료병원이 아니다. 더구나 장교용 요양병원이라니!] 그녀의 친구들은 그녀가 부담에서 헤어나지 못할 거라고 했다. [그녀 친구들은 여전히 뭘 모른다.]
'Of course it will kill me,' she said, 'I know that. But what does it matter? I must do my bit.'
'맞아, 내가 나를 죽이려는거야. 나도 알지. 하지만 그게 대수야? 내가 할일인걸.' 그녀가 말했다.
--------------------------------------
[처음] [다음]
by Somerset Maugham
Louise outlived her husband. He caught his death of cold one day when they were sailing and Louise needed all the rugs there were to keep her warm.
*catch one’s death of cold: 지독한 감기에 걸리다
He left her a comfortable fortune and a daughter. Louise was inconsolable. It was wonderful that she managed to survive the shock. Her friends expected her speedily to follow poor Tom Maitland to the grave.
* fortune: 운, 재산
* inconsolable: 위로할길 없는, 크게 낙심한
그는 그녀에게 편안한 운(풍요한 유산)과 딸 하나를 남기고 죽었다. 루이스는 크게 낙심했다(inconsolable). 그녀가 충격에서 벗어나기 위해 무척 애쓰(manage to~)는 것이 놀라웠다. 그녀의 친구들은 그녀가 빠른시일내에 불쌍한 톰 메이트랜드를 따라 무덤으로 들어갈 거라고 예상했다.
Indeed they already felt dreadfully sorry for Iris, her daughter, who would be left an orphan. They redoubled their attentions towards Louise.
실제로 그들(친구들)은 이미 그녀의 딸 아이리스에게 고아가 되어 남겨질까봐 동정심을 느꼈다(부모모두 죽었다고 치고). 그들은 루이스에거 관심을 두배로 기울 였다. [루이스에 대한 그들의 관심이 배가 되었다.]
They would not let her stir a finger; they insisted on doing everything in the world to save her trouble. They had to, because if she was called upon to do anything tiresome or inconvenient her heart went back on her and there she was at death’s door.
* went back on: = failed
She was entirely lost without a man to take care of her, she said, and she did not know how, with her delicate health, she was going to bring up her dear Iris. Her friends asked why she did not marry again.
* bring up: (아이를) 키우다.
Oh, with her heart it was out of the question, though of course she knew that dear Tom would have wished her to, and perhaps it would be the best thing for Iris if she did; but who would want to be bothered with a wretched invalid like herself?
* wretched: 비참한
Oddly enough more than one young man showed himself quite ready to undertake the charge and a year after Tom’s death she allowed George Hobhouse to lead her to the altar.
* altar: 제단, 분향소, 변기
* lead to the altar: = marry
* George Hobhouse: 죠지 헙하우스, 루이스의 두번째 남편 이름. 직업군인.
He was a fine, upstanding fellow and he was not at all badly off. I never saw anyone so grateful as he for the privilege of being allowed to take care of this frail little thing.
* this frail little thing: 이 가련한 작은 것=루이스
'I shan’t live to trouble you long,' she said.
'나는 당신을 오랬동안 어려움에 빠트릴 수는 없어요', 그녀가 말했다.
* 청혼을 거절 하는 듯이 말하지만 결국 결혼 함
He was a soldier and an ambitious one, but he resigned his commission. Louise’s health forced her to spend the winter at Monte Carlo and the summer at Deauville.
* resigned his commission: 전역하였다
* 몬테칼로에 겨울 별장을 구입했다.
He hesitated a little at throwing up his career, and Louise at first would not hear of it; but at last she yielded as she always yielded, and he prepared to make his wife’s last few years as happy as might be.
그는 그의 직업(career)을 포기할때 약간 망설였다. 그리고 루이스는 처음에 이사실을 잘 몰랐다. 하지만 결국 그녀도 그예 그랬듯이 양보했다(남v편의 포기를 마지 못해 받아들이는 식으로). 그리고 그는 그의 아내의 얼마 남지 않은 여생을 행복하게 해주리라 마음 먹었다(prepare).
'It can't be very long now,' she said. 'I'll try not to be troublesome.'
오래살것 같지 않아요. 말썽장이가 되지 않도록 할께요', 그녀가 말했다.
For the next two or three years Louise managed, notwithstanding her weak heart, to go beautifully dressed to all the most lively parties, to gamble very heavily, to dance and even to flirt with tall slim young men.
But George Hobhouse had not the stamina of Louise’s first husband and he had to brace himself now and then with a stiff drink for his day’s work as Louise’s second husband. It is possible that the habit would have grown on him, which Louise would not have liked at all, but very fortunately (for her) the war broke out.
* brace: 대비하다. 기운내다. 버티다.
* stiff drink: 폭주(strong drink)
* day’s work as Louise’s second husband: 그의 일과는 루이스의 두번째 남편
* the habit would have grown on him: 그는 점점 그 습관에 빠져들었을 것이다
* very fortunately (for her) the war broke out: 전쟁이 발발한 것은 그녀에게 아주 다행이다. [화자의 시각을 보여준다. 루이스는 두번째 남편을 탐탁지 않게 여기고 있다.]
He rejoined his regiment and three months later was killed. It was a great shock to Louise. She felt, however, that in such a crisis she must not give way to a private grief; and if she had a heart attack nobody heard of it.
그는 다시 군대로 돌아 갔고 몇달후 전사했다. 루이스에게 큰 충격이었을 것 같았다. 하지만 그녀의 개인적 슬품으로 받아들이지 않았다[전사는 국가적 재앙임. 이역시 비꼬는 듯한 표현]. 아무도 그녀가 심장마비가 왔다는 이야길 들은 사람은 없었다.
In order to distract her mind she turned her villa at Monte Carlo into a hospital for convalescent officers. Her friends told her that she would never survive the strain.
* distract: 관심을 빼앗다.
* convalescent: 회복기 환자
그녀는 그녀의 (상심한) 마음을 달래기 위해(distract) 몬테 칼로에 있는 그녀의 빌라를 장교요양 병원으로 개조했다. [부상 치료병원이 아니다. 더구나 장교용 요양병원이라니!] 그녀의 친구들은 그녀가 부담에서 헤어나지 못할 거라고 했다. [그녀 친구들은 여전히 뭘 모른다.]
'Of course it will kill me,' she said, 'I know that. But what does it matter? I must do my bit.'
'맞아, 내가 나를 죽이려는거야. 나도 알지. 하지만 그게 대수야? 내가 할일인걸.' 그녀가 말했다.
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[처음] [다음]
2020년 1월 19일 일요일
Louise (1/4)
Louise (1/4)
by Somerset Maugham
I could never understand why Louise bothered with me. She disliked me and I knew that behind my back, in that gentle way of hers, she seldom lost the opportunity of saying a disagreeable thing about me.
* bothered with (me): (나)때문에 귀찮다
그녀는 (나와 절교할) 그런 기색(the kind)이 없었다; 실은(오히려) 그녀는 나를 떼어 놓지 않으려는 듯했다[뒷담화는 가까이 있는 사람이어야 재밌다].;(세미콜론을 써서 상황설명) 그녀는 꾸준히 나와 점심이나 저녁을 먹자고 청했고(ask for ~) 일년에 한두번은 시골의 그녀 집에서 주말을 보내자고 초청했다(invite).
I was never quite certain that she was a complete humbug. I wondered whether she fooled herself as thoroughly as she fooled the world or whether there was some spark of humour at the bottom of her heart.
나는 그녀가 완전한 거짓말장이라고 확신하지 않았다. 그녀가 세상을 완벽하게 속이고 있다고 스스로 속이는 중이 아닐까, 아니면 그녀의 양심 밑바닥에 일말의(some spark of) 익살을 가지고 있는것은 아닐까 라는 의구심을 가졌다(wonder).
If there was it might be that she was attracted to me, as a pair of crooks might be attracted to one another, by the knowledge that we shared a secret that was hidden from everybody else.
* crook: 부정한, 사기꾼
만일 그렇다면, 그녀는 사기꾼 짝이 서로 끌리듯이, 우리가 그 누구에게서 감춰졌던 비밀을 공유함으로써 나에게 끌린게 분명하다(it might be ~).
I knew Louise before she married. She was then a frail, delicate girl with large and melancholy eyes. Her father and mother worshipped her with an anxious adoration, for some illness, scarlet fever I think, had left her with a weak heart and she had to take the greatest care of herself.
나는 루이스를 결혼하기 전부터 알았다. 그녀는 그때(결혼전)부터 약했고(frail), 크고 애처로운(melancholy) 눈을 가진 섬세한 여자아이였다. 그녀의 부모는 그녀를 조바심(anxious)으로 떠받쳤고(adoration=worship:숭배하다;오냐오냐 하며 키움), 어떤 병이, 내 생각에 성홍열 같은데, 그녀에게 약한 심장을 남겼다.[성홍열로 짐작되는 병으로 어릴때부터 그녀의 심장이 약해졌다. 조바심을 가지게된 요인이다.] 그리고 그녀 스스로도 매우 조심해야 했다[자신이 스스로 약하다는 것을 알고 가식적인 성격을 취하게 되었다.]
When Tom Maitland proposed to her they were dismayed, for they were convinced that she was much too delicate for the strenuous state of marriage.
* dismay: 실망, 당황
* strenuous: 격렬한, 분투하는
* the strenuous state of marriage: 결혼이라는 치열한 상황
톰 메이트랜드는 키크고 쉰목소리, 잘생긴 사람, 건장한(fine) 운동선수였다. 그는 루이스에게 홀딱 반했었다. 그녀의 약한 심장 때문에 그는 오랬동인 그녀와 지낼거라는 희망이 없었다. 그는 그가 그녀를 위해 해줄수 있는 세상의 행복을 짧은기간(few years)에 다 해주리라고 마음 먹었다(make up one's mind).
He gave up the games he excelled in, not because she wished him to, she was glad that he should play golf and hunt, but because by a coincidence she had a heart attack whenever he proposed to leave her for a day.
* by a coincidence: 우연하게도
그는 그가 잘하던(excel in) 운동을 포기했다. 그녀가 그에게 (그만두길) 바래서가 아니라(not because), 그가 그녀를 하루라도 떨어진다고 요청할때마다 우연하게도 그녀가 심장마비를 격었기 때문이다(bur because). 사실 그녀는 그가 골프와 사냥을 하는것을 좋아 했다.
* 루이스는 남편이 운동 하는 것을 반대하지 않는척 하면서도 막상 사냥 여행차 하루라도 집을 비울것이라고 말할 때마다 심장마비가 와서 포기하게 만들었다. 서술자의 시각에서 보면 가증 스럽다.
If they had a difference of opinion she gave in to him at once, for she was the most submissive wife a man could have, but her heart failed her and she would be laid up, sweet and uncomplaining, for a week.
* gave in: 양보하다
한번은 그녀가 특별히 해보고 싶다던 탐험(expedition;소풍, 나들이)에서 8마일 가량의 걷는 것을 보면서 우리가 생각하는 것보다 강하다고 나는 톰 메이트랜드에게 알려줬다(suggest). 그는 머리를 저으며 한숨을 쉬었다.
* in her plaintive way: 그녀가 늘 하던 데로 애처롭게
그(톰)는 내가 그녀가 견딜수 있다고 말해줬다고 그녀(루이스)에게 말했다. '내일이면 댓가를 치룰 겁니다' 그녀는 예의 그녀의 애처로운 방식으로 내게 말했다. '나는 죽음의 문앞에 있을 겁니다.'
* 화자가 톰에게 루이스는 그렇게 약하지 않다고 말했다고 하자, 그녀는 내일 큰일 치룰 거라고 협박아닌 협박을 했다.
‘I sometimes think that you’re quite strong enough to do the things
'나는 당신이 하고싶은 건 다할만큼 충분히 강하다고 생각합니다.' 나는 뇌까렸다.
* 화자의 시각에서 보면 그녀는 하고 싶은 것은 할만큼 튼튼하지만 싫은 것은 약하다고 핑계댄다.(꾀명과 위선적인 그녀)
*feel poorly: 기분이 나쁘다
'당신은 당신 좋으라고 내가 쓰러지길 매우 기대하면 않돼요.' 그녀가 말했다.
* '당신 좋은꼴 보려고 쓰러질 순 없어'
----------------------------------
[다음]
by Somerset Maugham
I could never understand why Louise bothered with me. She disliked me and I knew that behind my back, in that gentle way of hers, she seldom lost the opportunity of saying a disagreeable thing about me.
* bothered with (me): (나)때문에 귀찮다
왜 루이스(주인공)가 나 때문에 괴로워 하는지 나(이 소설의 서술자 narrator)는 이해할 수 없었다. 그녀는 나를 좋아하지 않았고 나는 그녀가 기회를 (거의) 놓치지 않는다(seldom)는 것을 알고있다. 내 등뒤에서, 그녀의 우아한 방식으로(gentle way of hers), 나에 대해 동의하지 못할(disagreeable) 말을 하고 있다[먼저 뒷담화를 꺼내지 않지만 기회가 있을땐 놓치지 않고 한다].
* disagreeable;사실과 다르다기 보다 화자가 동의하기 어렵다는 의미
* saying a disagreeable thing: 뒷담화
* 소설의 화자가 주인공을 관찰하며 소설을 이끈다. 화자와 주인공 사이의 관계, 화자가 주인공을 보는 시각에 주목하자.
She had too much delicacy ever to make a direct statement, but with a hint and a sigh and a little flutter of her beautiful hands she was able to make her meaning plain. She was a mistress of cold praise.
* delicacy: 동정심, 세심한 마음씨
* disagreeable;사실과 다르다기 보다 화자가 동의하기 어렵다는 의미
* saying a disagreeable thing: 뒷담화
* 소설의 화자가 주인공을 관찰하며 소설을 이끈다. 화자와 주인공 사이의 관계, 화자가 주인공을 보는 시각에 주목하자.
She had too much delicacy ever to make a direct statement, but with a hint and a sigh and a little flutter of her beautiful hands she was able to make her meaning plain. She was a mistress of cold praise.
* delicacy: 동정심, 세심한 마음씨
* mistress <> master
* mistress of society: 사교계의 여왕
* mistress of society: 사교계의 여왕
그녀는 아주 세심해서(to delicacy) 직설적으로 말하지 못했다(too~ to~). 하지만 귀뜸(hint)과 한숨(sigh) 그리고 그녀의 아름다운 손을 약간 펄럭임(flutter)을 가미하여 그녀의 뜻을 펼칠 수 있었다(plain). 그녀는 차가운 칭찬(praise)의 여왕(mistress)이었다[냉소적 언행의 대가였다.]
* 주인공은 자기 나름대로의 우아한 태도로 화자의 뒷담화를 펼친다.
* 주인공은 자기 나름대로의 우아한 태도로 화자의 뒷담화를 펼친다.
It was true that we had known one another almost intimately, for five–and–twenty years, but it was impossible for me to believe that she could be affected by the claims of old association.
* the claims of old association: '오래된 협회의 주장에 의해' 뭔소린가?
* old association: 알고 지낸지 오래됨
우리는 서로 거의 이십오년간 아주 친밀하게(intimately) 알고 지내온(had known) 것은 사실이다. 하지만 오랬동안 알고지낸 탓이라고 나는(for me) 믿지 않는다.
* 친하기 때문에 그녀가 그렇게 나의 뒷담화 또는 막말을 한다고 믿지 않는다. 요즘 말로 친한 사이의 '디스'는 아니다.
She thought me a coarse, brutal, cynical, and vulgar fellow. I was puzzled at her not taking the obvious course and dropping me.
* not taking the obvious course: 분명한 과정을 취하고(?)=대놓고 뭐라하지 않음
그녀는 나를 거칠고(coarse), 폭력적이고(brutal), 냉소적이고(cynical), 점잖치못한(vulgar: 상스런) 사람(fellow)이라고 생각했다. 나는 그녀가 대놓고 타박하지 않고 떼어버리지도 않은데 대해 의아했다(puzzle at her not taking ~ and dropping ~).
* 주인공(루이스)는 화자를 좋아하지 않으면서 왜 떨쳐버리지 않는가? 둘 사이의 모순되면서도 미묘한 관계를 유지하는 이유를 생각하며 읽어보자.
She did nothing of the kind; indeed, she would not leave me alone; she was constantly asking me to lunch and dine with her and once or twice a year invited me to spend a week-end at her house in the country.
* the claims of old association: '오래된 협회의 주장에 의해' 뭔소린가?
* old association: 알고 지낸지 오래됨
우리는 서로 거의 이십오년간 아주 친밀하게(intimately) 알고 지내온(had known) 것은 사실이다. 하지만 오랬동안 알고지낸 탓이라고 나는(for me) 믿지 않는다.
* 친하기 때문에 그녀가 그렇게 나의 뒷담화 또는 막말을 한다고 믿지 않는다. 요즘 말로 친한 사이의 '디스'는 아니다.
She thought me a coarse, brutal, cynical, and vulgar fellow. I was puzzled at her not taking the obvious course and dropping me.
* not taking the obvious course: 분명한 과정을 취하고(?)=대놓고 뭐라하지 않음
그녀는 나를 거칠고(coarse), 폭력적이고(brutal), 냉소적이고(cynical), 점잖치못한(vulgar: 상스런) 사람(fellow)이라고 생각했다. 나는 그녀가 대놓고 타박하지 않고 떼어버리지도 않은데 대해 의아했다(puzzle at her not taking ~ and dropping ~).
* 주인공(루이스)는 화자를 좋아하지 않으면서 왜 떨쳐버리지 않는가? 둘 사이의 모순되면서도 미묘한 관계를 유지하는 이유를 생각하며 읽어보자.
She did nothing of the kind; indeed, she would not leave me alone; she was constantly asking me to lunch and dine with her and once or twice a year invited me to spend a week-end at her house in the country.
그녀는 (나와 절교할) 그런 기색(the kind)이 없었다; 실은(오히려) 그녀는 나를 떼어 놓지 않으려는 듯했다[뒷담화는 가까이 있는 사람이어야 재밌다].;(세미콜론을 써서 상황설명) 그녀는 꾸준히 나와 점심이나 저녁을 먹자고 청했고(ask for ~) 일년에 한두번은 시골의 그녀 집에서 주말을 보내자고 초청했다(invite).
At last I thought that I had discovered her motive. She had an uneasy suspicion that I did not believe in her; and if that was why she did not like me, it was also why she sought my acquaintance:
* acquaintance: 1. 친지 2. 교우관계
결국 그녀의 의도(motive)를 알아챘다고 생각했다[확신은 아니다]. 그녀는 내가 그녀를 믿지 않는다는 불편한 의구심을 가지고 있었다. 그게 그녀가 나를 좋아하지 않는 이유라면, 그녀가 나와 교우관계(acquaintance)를 가지려는 이유이기도 하다.
~ it galled her that I alone should look upon her as a comic figure and she could not rest till I acknowledged myself mistaken and defeated.
* gall: 화나게하다.
* look upon A as B: A를 B로 간주하다
(콜론에 이어짐) 나만(alone) 그녀를 웃기는 사람이라고 치부한다(look upon)는 것이 그녀를 화나게 했다(gall). 그리고 그녀는 쉴 수 없었으리라(could not rest), 내가 나스스로 잘못(mistaken)했고 질(defeated) 때까지. [내가 잘못을 스스로 인정할(acknowledge) 때까지는 편히 쉴 수 없었으리라]
Perhaps she had an inkling that I saw the face behind the mask and, because I alone held out, was determined that sooner or later I too should take the mask for the face.
* acquaintance: 1. 친지 2. 교우관계
결국 그녀의 의도(motive)를 알아챘다고 생각했다[확신은 아니다]. 그녀는 내가 그녀를 믿지 않는다는 불편한 의구심을 가지고 있었다. 그게 그녀가 나를 좋아하지 않는 이유라면, 그녀가 나와 교우관계(acquaintance)를 가지려는 이유이기도 하다.
~ it galled her that I alone should look upon her as a comic figure and she could not rest till I acknowledged myself mistaken and defeated.
* gall: 화나게하다.
* look upon A as B: A를 B로 간주하다
(콜론에 이어짐) 나만(alone) 그녀를 웃기는 사람이라고 치부한다(look upon)는 것이 그녀를 화나게 했다(gall). 그리고 그녀는 쉴 수 없었으리라(could not rest), 내가 나스스로 잘못(mistaken)했고 질(defeated) 때까지. [내가 잘못을 스스로 인정할(acknowledge) 때까지는 편히 쉴 수 없었으리라]
Perhaps she had an inkling that I saw the face behind the mask and, because I alone held out, was determined that sooner or later I too should take the mask for the face.
* hold out: 마지막까지 견디다, 저항하다
* inkling: 어렴풋이 짐작하다
아마도 그녀는 내가 가면을 쓴 얼굴을 보고 있다고 어렴풋이 짐작하는것 같았다(inkling). 그리고 나 홀로 (가면을 안쓰고) 버티고 있지만 조만간 나도 얼굴에 가면을 써야만 할 것이라고 생각 하는 것 같았다(inkling).
* 그녀는 지금은 아니더라도 조만간 너도 별수 없이 위선자(가면쓴 인간)이 될 거라고 생각하는 것 같았다.
아마도 그녀는 내가 가면을 쓴 얼굴을 보고 있다고 어렴풋이 짐작하는것 같았다(inkling). 그리고 나 홀로 (가면을 안쓰고) 버티고 있지만 조만간 나도 얼굴에 가면을 써야만 할 것이라고 생각 하는 것 같았다(inkling).
* 그녀는 지금은 아니더라도 조만간 너도 별수 없이 위선자(가면쓴 인간)이 될 거라고 생각하는 것 같았다.
I was never quite certain that she was a complete humbug. I wondered whether she fooled herself as thoroughly as she fooled the world or whether there was some spark of humour at the bottom of her heart.
* humbug: 사기. 속이다.
* fool: 속이다, 기만하다
* some spark of humour: 일말의 익살스러움
나는 그녀가 완전한 거짓말장이라고 확신하지 않았다. 그녀가 세상을 완벽하게 속이고 있다고 스스로 속이는 중이 아닐까, 아니면 그녀의 양심 밑바닥에 일말의(some spark of) 익살을 가지고 있는것은 아닐까 라는 의구심을 가졌다(wonder).
* crook: 부정한, 사기꾼
만일 그렇다면, 그녀는 사기꾼 짝이 서로 끌리듯이, 우리가 그 누구에게서 감춰졌던 비밀을 공유함으로써 나에게 끌린게 분명하다(it might be ~).
I knew Louise before she married. She was then a frail, delicate girl with large and melancholy eyes. Her father and mother worshipped her with an anxious adoration, for some illness, scarlet fever I think, had left her with a weak heart and she had to take the greatest care of herself.
* scarlet fever: 성홍열
When Tom Maitland proposed to her they were dismayed, for they were convinced that she was much too delicate for the strenuous state of marriage.
* dismay: 실망, 당황
* strenuous: 격렬한, 분투하는
* the strenuous state of marriage: 결혼이라는 치열한 상황
톰 메이트랜드가 그녀에게 청혼 했을 때, 그들(루이스의 부모)는 당황했다. 그들은 그녀가 결혼이라는 치열한 상황에 (대응하기에) 너무나 섬세하다(delicate;무너지기 쉽다, 다치기쉽다)고 확신(convinced)했기 때문이다.
But they were not too well off and Tom Maitland was rich. He promised to do everything in the world for Louise and finally they entrusted her to him as a sacred charge.
* they are well. 그들은 잘산다.
* they not too well off. 그들은 그렇게 잘사는 편이 아니다.
* entrusted A to B: 맞기다, 신탁하다
* sacred charge: 성스런 책무=결혼서약
하지만 그들(루이스 부모)는 많이 부유하지 못했고(not too well off) 메이트랜드는 부자였다. 그는 루이스를 위해 세상의 모든것을 다 해주겠다고 약속했고 마침내 그들은 성스런 책무(sacred charge=결혼서약)을 받고 그녀를 그에게 맞겼다.
Tom Maitland was a big, husky fellow, very good-looking and a fine athlete. He doted on Louise. With her weak heart he could not hope to keep her with him long and he made up his mind to do everything he could to make her few years on earth happy.
* they are well. 그들은 잘산다.
* they not too well off. 그들은 그렇게 잘사는 편이 아니다.
* entrusted A to B: 맞기다, 신탁하다
* sacred charge: 성스런 책무=결혼서약
하지만 그들(루이스 부모)는 많이 부유하지 못했고(not too well off) 메이트랜드는 부자였다. 그는 루이스를 위해 세상의 모든것을 다 해주겠다고 약속했고 마침내 그들은 성스런 책무(sacred charge=결혼서약)을 받고 그녀를 그에게 맞겼다.
Tom Maitland was a big, husky fellow, very good-looking and a fine athlete. He doted on Louise. With her weak heart he could not hope to keep her with him long and he made up his mind to do everything he could to make her few years on earth happy.
*dote on: ~에게 완전히 빠져 있다
톰 메이트랜드는 키크고 쉰목소리, 잘생긴 사람, 건장한(fine) 운동선수였다. 그는 루이스에게 홀딱 반했었다. 그녀의 약한 심장 때문에 그는 오랬동인 그녀와 지낼거라는 희망이 없었다. 그는 그가 그녀를 위해 해줄수 있는 세상의 행복을 짧은기간(few years)에 다 해주리라고 마음 먹었다(make up one's mind).
He gave up the games he excelled in, not because she wished him to, she was glad that he should play golf and hunt, but because by a coincidence she had a heart attack whenever he proposed to leave her for a day.
* by a coincidence: 우연하게도
그는 그가 잘하던(excel in) 운동을 포기했다. 그녀가 그에게 (그만두길) 바래서가 아니라(not because), 그가 그녀를 하루라도 떨어진다고 요청할때마다 우연하게도 그녀가 심장마비를 격었기 때문이다(bur because). 사실 그녀는 그가 골프와 사냥을 하는것을 좋아 했다.
* 루이스는 남편이 운동 하는 것을 반대하지 않는척 하면서도 막상 사냥 여행차 하루라도 집을 비울것이라고 말할 때마다 심장마비가 와서 포기하게 만들었다. 서술자의 시각에서 보면 가증 스럽다.
If they had a difference of opinion she gave in to him at once, for she was the most submissive wife a man could have, but her heart failed her and she would be laid up, sweet and uncomplaining, for a week.
* gave in: 양보하다
* lay somebody up: (병, 부상 등으로) ~를 드러눕게 만들다
* submissive: 순종하는
He would not be such a brute as to cross her. Then they would have quite a little tussle about which should yield and it was only with difficulty that at last he persuaded her to have her own way.
* cross: (계획, 바람 등에) 반대하다, 거스르다
* tussle: 난투, 드잡이
그는 그녀를 거스를 만큼 난폭하지 않았다. 그 둘이 누구의 (의견을) 따라야 할지에 관한 사소한 싸울일(tussle)이 있을라 치더라도 그것은 결국 그녀의 방식대로 하라고 그가 그녀를 설득하는 그런 어려움 일 뿐이다.
* 의견 충돌이 있더라도 그녀가 주장해서 남편이 양보하는 것이 아니라 그녀 뜻대로 하라고 남편이 설득해서 마지 못해 그녀 의견을 쫒게 됐다는 식으로 결론날 뿐이었다.
On one occasion seeing her walk eight miles on an expedition that she particularly wanted to make, I suggested to Tom Maitland that she was stronger than one would have thought. He shook his head and sighed.그는 그녀를 거스를 만큼 난폭하지 않았다. 그 둘이 누구의 (의견을) 따라야 할지에 관한 사소한 싸울일(tussle)이 있을라 치더라도 그것은 결국 그녀의 방식대로 하라고 그가 그녀를 설득하는 그런 어려움 일 뿐이다.
* 의견 충돌이 있더라도 그녀가 주장해서 남편이 양보하는 것이 아니라 그녀 뜻대로 하라고 남편이 설득해서 마지 못해 그녀 의견을 쫒게 됐다는 식으로 결론날 뿐이었다.
한번은 그녀가 특별히 해보고 싶다던 탐험(expedition;소풍, 나들이)에서 8마일 가량의 걷는 것을 보면서 우리가 생각하는 것보다 강하다고 나는 톰 메이트랜드에게 알려줬다(suggest). 그는 머리를 저으며 한숨을 쉬었다.
‘No, no, she’s dreadfully delicate. She’s been to all the best heart specialists in the world and they all say that her life hangs on a thread. But she has an unconquerable spirit.’
* life hangs on a thread: 목숨이 간당간당하다
* unconquerable: 난공불락
'아냐, 아냐. 그녀는 끔찍하게 과민해. 세상의 모든 심장 전문의에게 보여줬는데 그들 모두 목숨이 경각에 달렸다는군. 다만 그녀의 정신력으로 버티는 중이래'
'아냐, 아냐. 그녀는 끔찍하게 과민해. 세상의 모든 심장 전문의에게 보여줬는데 그들 모두 목숨이 경각에 달렸다는군. 다만 그녀의 정신력으로 버티는 중이래'
He told her that I had remarked on her endurance. ‘I shall pay for it tomorrow,’ she said to me in her plaintive way. ‘I shall be at death’s door.’
* in her plaintive way: 그녀가 늘 하던 데로 애처롭게
그(톰)는 내가 그녀가 견딜수 있다고 말해줬다고 그녀(루이스)에게 말했다. '내일이면 댓가를 치룰 겁니다' 그녀는 예의 그녀의 애처로운 방식으로 내게 말했다. '나는 죽음의 문앞에 있을 겁니다.'
* 화자가 톰에게 루이스는 그렇게 약하지 않다고 말했다고 하자, 그녀는 내일 큰일 치룰 거라고 협박아닌 협박을 했다.
‘I sometimes think that you’re quite strong enough to do the things
you want to,’ I murmured.
'나는 당신이 하고싶은 건 다할만큼 충분히 강하다고 생각합니다.' 나는 뇌까렸다.
* 화자의 시각에서 보면 그녀는 하고 싶은 것은 할만큼 튼튼하지만 싫은 것은 약하다고 핑계댄다.(꾀명과 위선적인 그녀)
I had noticed that if a party was amusing she could dance till five in the morning, but if it was dull she felt very poorly and Tom had to take her home early.
만일 연회(party)가 즐겁다면 그녀는 아침 다섯시까지 춤추리라는 것을 알게됐다(I had noticed). 지루하다(dull)면 그녀는 매우 언짢아져서 톰은 그녀를 일찌감치 집으로 데려와야 했다.
I am afraid she did not like my reply, for though she gave me a pathetic little smile I saw no amusement in her large blue eyes.
그녀가 동의를 구하는 미소를 내게 지었지만 커다란 우수에 찬 눈에 즐거움이 없다는 것을 보았기 때문에 그녀가 나의 대답을 좋아하지 않아 유감이었다.
* 연회가 재미 없다는 뜻으로 커다란 눈으로 나를 쳐다 봤지만 이에 대한 나의 반응이 그녀에게 동의하지 않아서 그녀는 서운해 했다.
만일 연회(party)가 즐겁다면 그녀는 아침 다섯시까지 춤추리라는 것을 알게됐다(I had noticed). 지루하다(dull)면 그녀는 매우 언짢아져서 톰은 그녀를 일찌감치 집으로 데려와야 했다.
I am afraid she did not like my reply, for though she gave me a pathetic little smile I saw no amusement in her large blue eyes.
그녀가 동의를 구하는 미소를 내게 지었지만 커다란 우수에 찬 눈에 즐거움이 없다는 것을 보았기 때문에 그녀가 나의 대답을 좋아하지 않아 유감이었다.
* 연회가 재미 없다는 뜻으로 커다란 눈으로 나를 쳐다 봤지만 이에 대한 나의 반응이 그녀에게 동의하지 않아서 그녀는 서운해 했다.
‘You can’t very well expect me to fall down dead just to please you,’
she answered.
*feel poorly: 기분이 나쁘다
'당신은 당신 좋으라고 내가 쓰러지길 매우 기대하면 않돼요.' 그녀가 말했다.
* '당신 좋은꼴 보려고 쓰러질 순 없어'
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[다음]
2020년 1월 11일 토요일
The Yellow Wallpaper (4)
THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (4)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
On a pattern like this, by daylight, there is a lack of sequence, a defiance of law, that is a ' constant irritant to a normal mind.
The color is hideous enough, and unreliable enough, and infuriating enough, but the pattern is torturing.
You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well underway in following, it turns a back-somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you. It is like a bad dream.
The outside pattern is a florid arabesque, reminding one of a fungus. If you can imagine a toadstool in joints, an interminable string of toadstools, budding and sprouting in endless convolutions - why, that is something like it.
That is, sometimes!
There is one marked peculiarity about this paper, a thing nobody seems to notice but myself, and that is that it changes as the light changes.
When the sun shoots in through the east window - I always watch for that first long, straight ray - it changes so quickly that I never can quite believe it.
That is why I watch it always.
By moonligh - the moon shines in all night when there is a moon - I wouldn't know it was the same paper.
At night in any kind of light, in twilight, candlelight, lamplight, and worst of all by moonlight, it becomes bars! The outside pattern I mean, and the woman behind it is as plain as can be.
I didn't realize for a long time what the thing was that showed behind, that dim sub-pattern, but now I am quite sure it is a woman.
By daylight she is subdued, quiet. I fancy it is the pattern that keeps her so still. It is so puzzling. It keeps me quiet by the hour.
I lie down ever so much now. John says it is good for me, and to sleep all I can.
Indeed he started the habit by making me lie down for an hour after each meal.
It is a very bad habit I am convinced,. for you see I don't sleep. And that cultivates deceit, for I don't tell them I'm awake - O no !
The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John.
He seems very queer sometimes, and even Jennie has an inexplicable look.
It strikes me occasionally, just as a scientific hypothesis, - that perhaps it is· the paper!
I have watched John when he did not know I was looking, and come into the room suddenly on the most innocent excuses, and I've caught him several times. looking at the paper! And Jennie too. I caught Jennie with her hand on it once.
She didn't know I was in the room,. and when I asked her in a quiet, a very quiet voice, with the most restrained manner possible, what she was doing with the paper - she turned around as if she had been caught stealing, and looked quite angry - asked me why I should frighten her so !
Then she said that the paper stained everything it touched, that she had found yellow smooches on all my clothes and John's, and she wished we would be more' careful !
Did not that sound innocent? But I know she was studying that pattern, and I am determined that nobody shall find it out but myself!
* * * * * *
Life is very much more excltmg now than it used to be. You see I have something more to expect, to look forward to,. to watch. I really do eat better, and am more quiet than I was.
John is so pleased to see me improve! He laughed a little the other day, and said I seemed to be flourishing in spite of my wall-paper.
I turned it off with a laugh. I had no intention of telling him it was because of the wall-paper - he would make fun of me. He might even want to take me away.
I don't want to leave now until I have found it out. There is a week more, and I think that will be enough.
* * * * * *
I'm feeling ever so much better! I don't sleep much at night, for it is so interesting to watch developments: but I sleep a good deal in the daytime.
In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing.
There are always new shoots on the fungus, and new shades of yellow all over it. I cannot keep count of them, though I have tried conscientiously.
It is the strangest yellow, that wallpaper! It makes me think of all the yellow things I ever saw - not beautiful ones like buttercups, but old foul, bad yellow things.
But there is something else about that paper - the smell! I noticed it the moment we came into the room, but with so much air and sun it was not bad. Now we have had a week of fog and rain, and whether the windows are open or not, the smell is here.
It creeps all over the house.
I find it hovering in the dining-room,skulking in the parlor, hiding in the hall, lying in wait for me on the stairs.
It gets into my hair.
Even when I go to ride, if I turn my head suddenly and surprise it - there is that smell !
Such a peculiar odor, too! I have:spent hours in trying to analyze it, to find what it smelled like.
It is not bad - at first, and very gentle, hut quite the subtlest, most enduring odor I ever met.
In this damp weather it is awful, I wake up in the night and find it hanging over me.
It used to disturb me at first. I thought seriously of burning the house - to reach the smell.
But now I am used to it. The only thing I can think of that it is like is the color of the paper! A yellow smell.
There is a very funny mark on this wall, low down, near the mopboard. A streak that runs round the room. It goes behind every piece of furniture, except the bed, a long, straight, even smooch, as if it had been rubbed over and over.
I 'wonder how it was done and who did it, and what they did it for. Round and round and round - round and round and round - it makes me dizzy!
* * * * *
I really have discovered something at last.
Through watching so much at night, when it changes so, I have finally found out.
The front pattern does move -and no wonder! The woman behind shakes it!
Sometimes I think there are a great many women behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around fast, and her crawling shakes it all over.
Then in the very ' bright spots she keeps still, and in the very shady spots she just takes hold of the bars and shakes them hard.
And she is all the time trying to climb through. But nobody could climb through that pattern - it strangles so; I think that is why it has so many heads.
They get through, and then the pattern strangles them off and turns them upside down, and makes their eyes white!
If those heads were covered or taken off it would not be half so bad.
* * * * * *
I think that woman gets out in the daytime!
And I'll tell you why - privately I've seen her!
I can see her out of everyone of my windows!
It is the same woman, I know, for she s always creeping, and most women do not creep by daylight.
I see her in that long shaded lane, creeping up and down.
I see her in hose dark grape's arbors, creeping all around the garden.
I see her on that long road under the trees, creeping along, and when a carriage comes she hides under the blackberry vines.
I don't blame her a bit. It must be very humiliating to be caught creeping by daylight !
I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can't do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at once.
And John is so queer now, that I don't want to irritate him. I wish he would ake another room! Besides, I don't want anybody to get that woman out at night but myself.
I often wonder if I could see her out of all the windows at once.
But, turn as fast as I can, I can only see out of one at one time.
And though I always see her, she may be able to creep faster than I can turn !
I have watched her sometimes away off in the open country, creeping as fast as a cloud shadow in a high wind.
* * * * * *
If only that top pattern could be gotten off from the under one! I mean to try it, little by little.
I have found out another funny thing, but I shan't tell it this time! It does not do to trust people too much.
There are only two more days to get this paper off, and I believe John is beginning to notice. I don't like the look in his eyes.
And I heard him ask Jennie a lot of professional questions about me. She had a very good report to give.
She said I slept a good deal in the daytime. John 'knows I don't sleep very well at night, for all I'm so quiet!
He asked me all sorts of questions, too, and pretended to be very loving and kind.
As if I couldn't see through him!
Still, I don't wonder he acts so, sleeping under this paper for three months.
It only interests me, but I feel sure John and Jennie are secretly affected by it.
* * * * * *
Hurrah! This is the last day, but it is enough. John to stay in town over night, and won't be out until this evening.
Jennie wanted to sleep with me - the sly thing! but I told her I should undoubtedly rest better for a night all alone.
That was clever, for really I wasn't alone a bit! As soon as it was moonlight and that poor thing began to crawl and shake the pattern, I got up and ran to help her.
I pulled and she shook, I shook and she pulled, and before morning we had peeled off yards of that paper.
A strip about as high as my head and half around the room.
And then when the sun came and that awful pattern began to laugh at me, I declared I would finish it to-day !
We go away to-morrow, and they are moving all my furniture down again to leave things as they were before.
Jennie looked at the wall in amazement, but I told her merrily that I did it out of pure spite at the vicious thing.
She laughed and said she wouldn't mind doing it herself, but I must not get tired.
How she betrayed herself that time!
But I am here, and no person touches this paper but me, - not alive!
She tried to get me out of the roomit was too patent! But I said it was so quiet and empty and clean now that I believed I would lie down again and sleep all I could; and not to wake me even for dinner - I would call when I woke.
So now she is gone, and the servants are gone, and the things are gone, and there is nothing left but that great bedstead nailed down, with the canvas mattress we found on it.
We shall sleep downstairs to-night, and take the boat home to-morrow.
I quite enjoy the room, now it is bare again.
How those children did tear about here!
This bedstead is fairly gnawed!
But I must get to work.
I have locked the door and thrown the key down into the front path.
I don't want to go out, and I don't want to have anybody come in, till John comes.
I want to astonish him.
I've got a rope up here that even J ennie did not find. If that woman does get out, and tries to get away, I can tie her!
But I forgot I could not reach far without anything to stand on !
This bed will not move!
I tried to lift and push it until I was lame, and then I got so angry I bit off a little piece at one corner - but it hurt my teeth.
Then I peeled off all the paper I could reach standing on the floor. It sticks horribly and the pattern just enjoys it ! All those strangled heads and bulbous eyes and waddling fungus growths just shriek with derision.
I am getting angry enough to do something desperate. To jump out of the window would be admirable exercise, but the bars are too strong even to try.
Besides I wouldn't do it. Of course not. I know well enough that a step like that is improper and might be misconstrued.
I don't like to look out of the windows even - there are so many of those creeping women, and they creep so fast.
I wonder if they all come out of that wall-paper as I did?
But I am securely fastened now by my well-hidden rope -you don't get me out in the road there !
I suppose I shall have to get back behind the pattern when it comes night, and that is hard!
It is so pleasant to be out in this great room and creep around as I please!
I don't want to go outside. I won't, even if Jennie asks me to. For outside you have to creep on the ground, and everything is green instead of yellow.
But here I can creep smoothly on the floor, and my shoulder just fits in that long smooch around the wall, so I cannot lose my way. Why there's John at the door!
It is no use, young man, you can't open it !
How he does call and pound!
Now he's crying for an axe.
It would be a shame to break down that beautiful door!
"John dear!" said I in the gentlest voice, "the key is down by the front steps, under a plantain leaf!"
That silenced him for a few moments.
Then he said - very quietly indeed, "Open the door, my darling!"
"I can't," said I. "The key is down by the front door under a plantain leaf!"
And then I said it again, several times. very gently and slowly, and said it so often that he had to go and see, and he got it of course, and came in. He stopped short by the door.
"What is the matter?" he cried. "For God's sake, what are you doing!"
I kept on creeping just the same, but I looked at him over my shoulder.
"I've got out at last," said I, "in spite of you and Jane? And I've pulled off most of the paper, so you can't put me back!"
Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time!
(1892)
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[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
On a pattern like this, by daylight, there is a lack of sequence, a defiance of law, that is a ' constant irritant to a normal mind.
The color is hideous enough, and unreliable enough, and infuriating enough, but the pattern is torturing.
You think you have mastered it, but just as you get well underway in following, it turns a back-somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you. It is like a bad dream.
The outside pattern is a florid arabesque, reminding one of a fungus. If you can imagine a toadstool in joints, an interminable string of toadstools, budding and sprouting in endless convolutions - why, that is something like it.
That is, sometimes!
There is one marked peculiarity about this paper, a thing nobody seems to notice but myself, and that is that it changes as the light changes.
When the sun shoots in through the east window - I always watch for that first long, straight ray - it changes so quickly that I never can quite believe it.
That is why I watch it always.
By moonligh - the moon shines in all night when there is a moon - I wouldn't know it was the same paper.
At night in any kind of light, in twilight, candlelight, lamplight, and worst of all by moonlight, it becomes bars! The outside pattern I mean, and the woman behind it is as plain as can be.
I didn't realize for a long time what the thing was that showed behind, that dim sub-pattern, but now I am quite sure it is a woman.
By daylight she is subdued, quiet. I fancy it is the pattern that keeps her so still. It is so puzzling. It keeps me quiet by the hour.
I lie down ever so much now. John says it is good for me, and to sleep all I can.
Indeed he started the habit by making me lie down for an hour after each meal.
It is a very bad habit I am convinced,. for you see I don't sleep. And that cultivates deceit, for I don't tell them I'm awake - O no !
The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John.
He seems very queer sometimes, and even Jennie has an inexplicable look.
It strikes me occasionally, just as a scientific hypothesis, - that perhaps it is· the paper!
I have watched John when he did not know I was looking, and come into the room suddenly on the most innocent excuses, and I've caught him several times. looking at the paper! And Jennie too. I caught Jennie with her hand on it once.
She didn't know I was in the room,. and when I asked her in a quiet, a very quiet voice, with the most restrained manner possible, what she was doing with the paper - she turned around as if she had been caught stealing, and looked quite angry - asked me why I should frighten her so !
Then she said that the paper stained everything it touched, that she had found yellow smooches on all my clothes and John's, and she wished we would be more' careful !
Did not that sound innocent? But I know she was studying that pattern, and I am determined that nobody shall find it out but myself!
* * * * * *
Life is very much more excltmg now than it used to be. You see I have something more to expect, to look forward to,. to watch. I really do eat better, and am more quiet than I was.
John is so pleased to see me improve! He laughed a little the other day, and said I seemed to be flourishing in spite of my wall-paper.
I turned it off with a laugh. I had no intention of telling him it was because of the wall-paper - he would make fun of me. He might even want to take me away.
I don't want to leave now until I have found it out. There is a week more, and I think that will be enough.
* * * * * *
I'm feeling ever so much better! I don't sleep much at night, for it is so interesting to watch developments: but I sleep a good deal in the daytime.
In the daytime it is tiresome and perplexing.
There are always new shoots on the fungus, and new shades of yellow all over it. I cannot keep count of them, though I have tried conscientiously.
It is the strangest yellow, that wallpaper! It makes me think of all the yellow things I ever saw - not beautiful ones like buttercups, but old foul, bad yellow things.
But there is something else about that paper - the smell! I noticed it the moment we came into the room, but with so much air and sun it was not bad. Now we have had a week of fog and rain, and whether the windows are open or not, the smell is here.
It creeps all over the house.
I find it hovering in the dining-room,skulking in the parlor, hiding in the hall, lying in wait for me on the stairs.
It gets into my hair.
Even when I go to ride, if I turn my head suddenly and surprise it - there is that smell !
Such a peculiar odor, too! I have:spent hours in trying to analyze it, to find what it smelled like.
It is not bad - at first, and very gentle, hut quite the subtlest, most enduring odor I ever met.
In this damp weather it is awful, I wake up in the night and find it hanging over me.
It used to disturb me at first. I thought seriously of burning the house - to reach the smell.
But now I am used to it. The only thing I can think of that it is like is the color of the paper! A yellow smell.
There is a very funny mark on this wall, low down, near the mopboard. A streak that runs round the room. It goes behind every piece of furniture, except the bed, a long, straight, even smooch, as if it had been rubbed over and over.
I 'wonder how it was done and who did it, and what they did it for. Round and round and round - round and round and round - it makes me dizzy!
* * * * *
I really have discovered something at last.
Through watching so much at night, when it changes so, I have finally found out.
The front pattern does move -and no wonder! The woman behind shakes it!
Sometimes I think there are a great many women behind, and sometimes only one, and she crawls around fast, and her crawling shakes it all over.
Then in the very ' bright spots she keeps still, and in the very shady spots she just takes hold of the bars and shakes them hard.
And she is all the time trying to climb through. But nobody could climb through that pattern - it strangles so; I think that is why it has so many heads.
They get through, and then the pattern strangles them off and turns them upside down, and makes their eyes white!
If those heads were covered or taken off it would not be half so bad.
* * * * * *
I think that woman gets out in the daytime!
And I'll tell you why - privately I've seen her!
I can see her out of everyone of my windows!
It is the same woman, I know, for she s always creeping, and most women do not creep by daylight.
I see her in that long shaded lane, creeping up and down.
I see her in hose dark grape's arbors, creeping all around the garden.
I see her on that long road under the trees, creeping along, and when a carriage comes she hides under the blackberry vines.
I don't blame her a bit. It must be very humiliating to be caught creeping by daylight !
I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can't do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at once.
And John is so queer now, that I don't want to irritate him. I wish he would ake another room! Besides, I don't want anybody to get that woman out at night but myself.
I often wonder if I could see her out of all the windows at once.
But, turn as fast as I can, I can only see out of one at one time.
And though I always see her, she may be able to creep faster than I can turn !
I have watched her sometimes away off in the open country, creeping as fast as a cloud shadow in a high wind.
* * * * * *
If only that top pattern could be gotten off from the under one! I mean to try it, little by little.
I have found out another funny thing, but I shan't tell it this time! It does not do to trust people too much.
There are only two more days to get this paper off, and I believe John is beginning to notice. I don't like the look in his eyes.
And I heard him ask Jennie a lot of professional questions about me. She had a very good report to give.
She said I slept a good deal in the daytime. John 'knows I don't sleep very well at night, for all I'm so quiet!
He asked me all sorts of questions, too, and pretended to be very loving and kind.
As if I couldn't see through him!
Still, I don't wonder he acts so, sleeping under this paper for three months.
It only interests me, but I feel sure John and Jennie are secretly affected by it.
* * * * * *
Hurrah! This is the last day, but it is enough. John to stay in town over night, and won't be out until this evening.
Jennie wanted to sleep with me - the sly thing! but I told her I should undoubtedly rest better for a night all alone.
That was clever, for really I wasn't alone a bit! As soon as it was moonlight and that poor thing began to crawl and shake the pattern, I got up and ran to help her.
I pulled and she shook, I shook and she pulled, and before morning we had peeled off yards of that paper.
A strip about as high as my head and half around the room.
And then when the sun came and that awful pattern began to laugh at me, I declared I would finish it to-day !
We go away to-morrow, and they are moving all my furniture down again to leave things as they were before.
Jennie looked at the wall in amazement, but I told her merrily that I did it out of pure spite at the vicious thing.
She laughed and said she wouldn't mind doing it herself, but I must not get tired.
How she betrayed herself that time!
But I am here, and no person touches this paper but me, - not alive!
She tried to get me out of the roomit was too patent! But I said it was so quiet and empty and clean now that I believed I would lie down again and sleep all I could; and not to wake me even for dinner - I would call when I woke.
So now she is gone, and the servants are gone, and the things are gone, and there is nothing left but that great bedstead nailed down, with the canvas mattress we found on it.
We shall sleep downstairs to-night, and take the boat home to-morrow.
I quite enjoy the room, now it is bare again.
How those children did tear about here!
This bedstead is fairly gnawed!
But I must get to work.
I have locked the door and thrown the key down into the front path.
I don't want to go out, and I don't want to have anybody come in, till John comes.
I want to astonish him.
I've got a rope up here that even J ennie did not find. If that woman does get out, and tries to get away, I can tie her!
But I forgot I could not reach far without anything to stand on !
This bed will not move!
I tried to lift and push it until I was lame, and then I got so angry I bit off a little piece at one corner - but it hurt my teeth.
Then I peeled off all the paper I could reach standing on the floor. It sticks horribly and the pattern just enjoys it ! All those strangled heads and bulbous eyes and waddling fungus growths just shriek with derision.
I am getting angry enough to do something desperate. To jump out of the window would be admirable exercise, but the bars are too strong even to try.
Besides I wouldn't do it. Of course not. I know well enough that a step like that is improper and might be misconstrued.
I don't like to look out of the windows even - there are so many of those creeping women, and they creep so fast.
I wonder if they all come out of that wall-paper as I did?
But I am securely fastened now by my well-hidden rope -you don't get me out in the road there !
I suppose I shall have to get back behind the pattern when it comes night, and that is hard!
It is so pleasant to be out in this great room and creep around as I please!
I don't want to go outside. I won't, even if Jennie asks me to. For outside you have to creep on the ground, and everything is green instead of yellow.
But here I can creep smoothly on the floor, and my shoulder just fits in that long smooch around the wall, so I cannot lose my way. Why there's John at the door!
It is no use, young man, you can't open it !
How he does call and pound!
Now he's crying for an axe.
It would be a shame to break down that beautiful door!
"John dear!" said I in the gentlest voice, "the key is down by the front steps, under a plantain leaf!"
That silenced him for a few moments.
Then he said - very quietly indeed, "Open the door, my darling!"
"I can't," said I. "The key is down by the front door under a plantain leaf!"
And then I said it again, several times. very gently and slowly, and said it so often that he had to go and see, and he got it of course, and came in. He stopped short by the door.
"What is the matter?" he cried. "For God's sake, what are you doing!"
I kept on creeping just the same, but I looked at him over my shoulder.
"I've got out at last," said I, "in spite of you and Jane? And I've pulled off most of the paper, so you can't put me back!"
Now why should that man have fainted? But he did, and right across my path by the wall, so that I had to creep over him every time!
(1892)
------------------------------------
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
The Yellow Wallpaper (3)
THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (3)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
* * *
Well, the Fourth of July is over! The people are all gone and I am tired out. John thought it might do me good to see a little company, so we just had mother and Nellie and the children down for a week.
Of course I didn't do a thing. Jennie sees to everything now. But it tired me all the same.
John says if I don't pick up faster he shall send me to Weir Mitchell in the fall.
But I don't want to go there at all. I had a friend who was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and my brother, only more so !
Besides, it is such an undertaking to go so far.
I don't feel as if it was worth while to turn my hand over for anything, and I'm getting dreadfully fretful and querulous.
I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time.
Of course I don't when John is here, or anybody else, but when I am alone.
And I am alone a good deal just now. John is kept in town very often by serious cases, and Jennie is good and lets me alone when I want her to.
So I walk a little in the garden or down that lovely lane, sit on the porch under the roses, and lie down up here a good deal.
I'm getting really fond of the room in spite of the wallpaper. Perhaps because of the wallpaper.
It dwells in my mind so !
I lie here on this great immovable bed -it is nailed down, I believe and follow that pattern about by the hour. It it as good as gymnastics, I assure you. I start, we'll say, at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has nos been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of a conclusion.
I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this thing was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of.
It is repeated, of course, by the breadths, but not otherwise.
Looked at in one way each breadth stands alone, the bloated curves and flourishes - a kind of " debased Romanesque" with delirium tremens - go waddling up and down in isolated columns of fatuity.
But, on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic horror, like a lot of wallowing seaweeds in full chase.
The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems so, and I exhaust myself in trying to distinguish the order of its going in that direction.
They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and that adds wonderfully to the confusion.
There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, and there, when the crosslights fade and the low sun shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after all, -the interminable grotesque seem to form around a common centre and rush off in headlong plunges of equal distraction.
It makes me tired to follow it. I will take a nap I guess.
* * * * * *
I don't know why I should write this.
I don't want to.
I don't feel able.
And I know John would think it absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way -it is such a relief!
But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.
Half the time now I am awfully lazy,. and lie down ever so much.
John says I mustn't lose my strength,. and has me take cod liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.
Dear John! He loves me very dearlYr and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with. him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.
But he said I wasn't able to go, nor" able to stand it after I got there j and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.
It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness I suppose.
And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.
He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.
* '날 봐서라도 건강해 지도록 해봐요' (애원 인듯한 타이름)
He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.
There's one comfort, the baby is well .and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.
If we had not used it, that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn't have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.
I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all, I .can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.
Of course I never mention it to them any more - I am too wise, - but I keep watch of it all the same.
There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.
Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day. It is always the same shape, only very numerous.
And it is like a woman stooping down .and creeping about behind that pattern. I don't like it a bit. I wonder - I begin to think - I wish John would take me away from here!
* * * * * *
It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he is so wise, and be.cause he loves me so.
But I tried it last night.
It was moonlight. The moon shines in all around just as the sun does.
I hate to see it sometimes, it creeps so slowly, and always comes in by one window or another.
John was asleep and I hated to waken him, so I kept still and watched the moonlight on that undulating wallpaper till I felt creepy.
The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just as if she wanted to get out.
I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper did move, and when I came back John was awake.
"What is it, little girl?" he said. "Don't go walking about like that you'll
get cold."
I thought it was a good time to talk, so I told him that I really was not gaining here, and that I wished he would take me away.
"Why, darling!" said he, "our lease will be up in three weeks, and I can't see how to leave before.
" The repairs are not done at home, and I cannot possibly leave town just now. Of course if you were in any danger, I could and would, but you really are bet·ter, dear, whether you can 6ee it or not. I am a doctor, dear, and I know. You are gaining flesh and color, your appetite is better, I feel really much easier about you."
"I don't weigh a bit more," said I, "nor as much; and my appetite may be better in the evening when you are here, but it is worse in the morning when you are away!"
" Bless her little heart!" said he with a big hug, "she shall be as sick as she pleases! But now let's improve the shining hours by going to sleep, and talk about it in the morning!"
"And you won't go away?" I asked gloomily.
"Why, how can I, dear? It is only three weeks more and then we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is getting the house ready. Really dear you are better!"
"Better in body perhaps -" I began, and stopped short, for he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern, reproachful look that I could not say another word.
"My darling," said he, " I beg of you, for my sake and for our child's sake, as well as for your own, that you will never for one instant let that idea enter your mind! There is nothing so dangerous, so fascinating, to a temperament like yours. It is a false and foolish fancy. Can you not trust me as a physician when I tell you so? "
So of course I said no more on that score, and we went to sleep before long. He thought I was asleep first, but I wasn't, and lay there for hours trying to .decide whether that front pattern and the back pattern really did move together or separately.
* * * * * *
------------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
* * *
Well, the Fourth of July is over! The people are all gone and I am tired out. John thought it might do me good to see a little company, so we just had mother and Nellie and the children down for a week.
Of course I didn't do a thing. Jennie sees to everything now. But it tired me all the same.
John says if I don't pick up faster he shall send me to Weir Mitchell in the fall.
But I don't want to go there at all. I had a friend who was in his hands once, and she says he is just like John and my brother, only more so !
Besides, it is such an undertaking to go so far.
I don't feel as if it was worth while to turn my hand over for anything, and I'm getting dreadfully fretful and querulous.
I cry at nothing, and cry most of the time.
Of course I don't when John is here, or anybody else, but when I am alone.
And I am alone a good deal just now. John is kept in town very often by serious cases, and Jennie is good and lets me alone when I want her to.
So I walk a little in the garden or down that lovely lane, sit on the porch under the roses, and lie down up here a good deal.
I'm getting really fond of the room in spite of the wallpaper. Perhaps because of the wallpaper.
It dwells in my mind so !
I lie here on this great immovable bed -it is nailed down, I believe and follow that pattern about by the hour. It it as good as gymnastics, I assure you. I start, we'll say, at the bottom, down in the corner over there where it has nos been touched, and I determine for the thousandth time that I will follow that pointless pattern to some sort of a conclusion.
I know a little of the principle of design, and I know this thing was not arranged on any laws of radiation, or alternation, or repetition, or symmetry, or anything else that I ever heard of.
It is repeated, of course, by the breadths, but not otherwise.
Looked at in one way each breadth stands alone, the bloated curves and flourishes - a kind of " debased Romanesque" with delirium tremens - go waddling up and down in isolated columns of fatuity.
But, on the other hand, they connect diagonally, and the sprawling outlines run off in great slanting waves of optic horror, like a lot of wallowing seaweeds in full chase.
The whole thing goes horizontally, too, at least it seems so, and I exhaust myself in trying to distinguish the order of its going in that direction.
They have used a horizontal breadth for a frieze, and that adds wonderfully to the confusion.
There is one end of the room where it is almost intact, and there, when the crosslights fade and the low sun shines directly upon it, I can almost fancy radiation after all, -the interminable grotesque seem to form around a common centre and rush off in headlong plunges of equal distraction.
It makes me tired to follow it. I will take a nap I guess.
* * * * * *
I don't know why I should write this.
I don't want to.
I don't feel able.
And I know John would think it absurd. But I must say what I feel and think in some way -it is such a relief!
But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.
Half the time now I am awfully lazy,. and lie down ever so much.
John says I mustn't lose my strength,. and has me take cod liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.
Dear John! He loves me very dearlYr and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with. him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.
But he said I wasn't able to go, nor" able to stand it after I got there j and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.
It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness I suppose.
And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.
He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.
* '날 봐서라도 건강해 지도록 해봐요' (애원 인듯한 타이름)
He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.
There's one comfort, the baby is well .and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.
If we had not used it, that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn't have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.
I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all, I .can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.
Of course I never mention it to them any more - I am too wise, - but I keep watch of it all the same.
There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.
Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day. It is always the same shape, only very numerous.
And it is like a woman stooping down .and creeping about behind that pattern. I don't like it a bit. I wonder - I begin to think - I wish John would take me away from here!
* * * * * *
It is so hard to talk with John about my case, because he is so wise, and be.cause he loves me so.
But I tried it last night.
It was moonlight. The moon shines in all around just as the sun does.
I hate to see it sometimes, it creeps so slowly, and always comes in by one window or another.
John was asleep and I hated to waken him, so I kept still and watched the moonlight on that undulating wallpaper till I felt creepy.
The faint figure behind seemed to shake the pattern, just as if she wanted to get out.
I got up softly and went to feel and see if the paper did move, and when I came back John was awake.
"What is it, little girl?" he said. "Don't go walking about like that you'll
get cold."
I thought it was a good time to talk, so I told him that I really was not gaining here, and that I wished he would take me away.
"Why, darling!" said he, "our lease will be up in three weeks, and I can't see how to leave before.
" The repairs are not done at home, and I cannot possibly leave town just now. Of course if you were in any danger, I could and would, but you really are bet·ter, dear, whether you can 6ee it or not. I am a doctor, dear, and I know. You are gaining flesh and color, your appetite is better, I feel really much easier about you."
"I don't weigh a bit more," said I, "nor as much; and my appetite may be better in the evening when you are here, but it is worse in the morning when you are away!"
" Bless her little heart!" said he with a big hug, "she shall be as sick as she pleases! But now let's improve the shining hours by going to sleep, and talk about it in the morning!"
"And you won't go away?" I asked gloomily.
"Why, how can I, dear? It is only three weeks more and then we will take a nice little trip of a few days while Jennie is getting the house ready. Really dear you are better!"
"Better in body perhaps -" I began, and stopped short, for he sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern, reproachful look that I could not say another word.
"My darling," said he, " I beg of you, for my sake and for our child's sake, as well as for your own, that you will never for one instant let that idea enter your mind! There is nothing so dangerous, so fascinating, to a temperament like yours. It is a false and foolish fancy. Can you not trust me as a physician when I tell you so? "
So of course I said no more on that score, and we went to sleep before long. He thought I was asleep first, but I wasn't, and lay there for hours trying to .decide whether that front pattern and the back pattern really did move together or separately.
* * * * * *
------------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
The Yellow Wallpaper (2)
THE YELLOW WALL-PAPER (2)
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
32) We have been here two weeks, and I haven't felt like writing before, since that first day. I am sitting by the window now, up in this atrocious nursery, and there is nothing to hinder my writing as much as I please, save lack of strength.
* atrocious: 잔인무도한, 지독한
*hinder: 저지(방해)하다
첫날이후 글을 쓸 기분이 아니었다. 지독한 탁아방의 창가에 앉아있다. 나의 글쓰기를 방해할 아무것도 없지만 쓸기분이 아니다.
33) John is away all day, and even some nights when his cases are serious. I am glad my case is not serious! But these nervous troubles are dreadfully depressing. John does not know how much I really suffer.
존은 종일 심지어 밤에도 나간다. 환자들 상태가 나보다 중하니까. 나는 심각한 우울이라는 신경증을 앓고있다. 하지만 존은 나의 병세를 대수롭지 않게 여긴다.
* 남편은 시골에 몇달간 휴양 와서도 일을 하고 있음. 이런 알뜰한 사람이라면 '아푼아내'를 거추장 스럽게 여기지 않았을까?
34) He knows there is no reason to suffer, and that satisfies him. Of course it is only nervousness. It does weigh on me so not to do my duty in any way! I meant to be such a help to John, such a real rest and comfort, and here I am a comparative burden already!
존은 아풀 건덕지가 없다고 생각하고 그것에 만족한다. 그저 신경과민 일 뿐이다. 그런데 그것이 나를 짓누른다(weigh on me). 그것 때문에 내일(가사일)을 못하고 있지 않은가! 존에게 도움이 되지 못하고, 휴식과 편안함을 제공하지 못하고 짐만 되고있다.
35) Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able, -to dress and entertain, and order things.
36) It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby! And yet I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous. I suppose John never was nervous in his life. He laughs at me so about this wall paper!
37) At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way to such fancies.
38) He said that after the wall-paper was changed it would be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on.
39) "You know the place is doing you good," he said, "and really, dear, I don't care to renovate the house just for a three months' rental."
"Then do let us go downstairs," I said, "there are such pretty rooms there." Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose, and said he would go down cellar, if I wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain. But he is right enough about the beds and windows and things.
It is an airy and comfortable room as anyone need wish, and, of course, I would not be so silly as to make him uncomfortable just for a whim.
I'm really getting quite fond of the big room, all but that horrid paper. Out of one window I can see the garden, those mysterious deep-shaded arbors, the riotous old-fashioned flowers, and bushes and gnarly trees.
Out of another I get a lovely view of the bay and a little private wharf belonging to the estate. There is a beautiful shaded lane that runs down there from the house.
I always fancy I see people walking in these numerous paths and arbors, but John has cautioned me not to give way to fancy in the least.
He says that with my imaginative power and habit of story-making, a nervous weakness like mine is sure to lead to all manner of excited fancies, and that I ought to use my will and good sense to check the tendency. So I try.
I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little, it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me.
But I find I get pretty tired when I try.
It is so discouraging not to have any advice and companionship about my work. When I get really well, John says we will ask Cousin Henry and Julia down for a long visit; but he says he would as soon put fireworks in my pillow-case as to let me have those stimulating people about now.
I wish I could get well faster.
But I must not think about that. This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had!
There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside down.
I get positively angry with the impertinence of it and the everlastingness. Up and down and sideways they crawl, and those absurd, unblinking eyes are everywhere. There is one place where two breaths didn't match, and the eyes go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the other.
I never saw so much expression in an inanimate thing before, and we all know how much expression they have! I used to lie awake as a child and get more entertainment and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most children could find in a toy-store.
I remember what a kindly wink the knobs of our big, old bureau used to have, and there was one chair that always seemed like a strong friend.
I used to feel that if any of the other things looked too fierce I could always hop into that chair and be safe.
The furniture in this room is no worse than inharmonious, however, for we had to bring it all from downstairs. I suppose when this was used as a playroom they had to take the nursery things out, and no wonder!
I never saw such ravages as the children have made here.
The wall-paper, as I said before, is torn off in spots, and it sticketh closer than a brother -they must have had perseverance as well as hatred.
Then the floor is scratched and gouged and splintered, the plaster itself is dug out here and there, and this great heavy bed which is all we found in the room, looks as if it had been through the wars.
But I don't mind it a bit -only the paper.
There comes John's sister. Such a dear girl as she is, and so careful of me ! I must not let her find me writing.
She is a perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper, and hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it is the writing which made me sick!
But I can write when she is out, and see her a long way off from these windows.
There is one that commands the road, a lovely shaded winding road, and one that just looks off over the country. A lovely country, too, full of great elms and velvet meadows.
This wallpaper has a kind of subpattern in a different shade, a particularly irritating one, for you can only see it in certain lights, and not clearly then.
But in the places where it isn't faded and where the sun is just so -I can see a strange, provoking, formless sort of figure, that seems to skulk about behind that silly and conspicuous front design.
There's sister on the stairs!
* * *
-------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
By Cltarlotte Perkins Stetson
32) We have been here two weeks, and I haven't felt like writing before, since that first day. I am sitting by the window now, up in this atrocious nursery, and there is nothing to hinder my writing as much as I please, save lack of strength.
* atrocious: 잔인무도한, 지독한
*hinder: 저지(방해)하다
첫날이후 글을 쓸 기분이 아니었다. 지독한 탁아방의 창가에 앉아있다. 나의 글쓰기를 방해할 아무것도 없지만 쓸기분이 아니다.
33) John is away all day, and even some nights when his cases are serious. I am glad my case is not serious! But these nervous troubles are dreadfully depressing. John does not know how much I really suffer.
존은 종일 심지어 밤에도 나간다. 환자들 상태가 나보다 중하니까. 나는 심각한 우울이라는 신경증을 앓고있다. 하지만 존은 나의 병세를 대수롭지 않게 여긴다.
* 남편은 시골에 몇달간 휴양 와서도 일을 하고 있음. 이런 알뜰한 사람이라면 '아푼아내'를 거추장 스럽게 여기지 않았을까?
34) He knows there is no reason to suffer, and that satisfies him. Of course it is only nervousness. It does weigh on me so not to do my duty in any way! I meant to be such a help to John, such a real rest and comfort, and here I am a comparative burden already!
존은 아풀 건덕지가 없다고 생각하고 그것에 만족한다. 그저 신경과민 일 뿐이다. 그런데 그것이 나를 짓누른다(weigh on me). 그것 때문에 내일(가사일)을 못하고 있지 않은가! 존에게 도움이 되지 못하고, 휴식과 편안함을 제공하지 못하고 짐만 되고있다.
35) Nobody would believe what an effort it is to do what little I am able, -to dress and entertain, and order things.
36) It is fortunate Mary is so good with the baby. Such a dear baby! And yet I cannot be with him, it makes me so nervous. I suppose John never was nervous in his life. He laughs at me so about this wall paper!
37) At first he meant to repaper the room, but afterwards he said that I was letting it get the better of me, and that nothing was worse for a nervous patient than to give way to such fancies.
38) He said that after the wall-paper was changed it would be the heavy bedstead, and then the barred windows, and then that gate at the head of the stairs, and so on.
39) "You know the place is doing you good," he said, "and really, dear, I don't care to renovate the house just for a three months' rental."
"Then do let us go downstairs," I said, "there are such pretty rooms there." Then he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose, and said he would go down cellar, if I wished, and have it whitewashed into the bargain. But he is right enough about the beds and windows and things.
It is an airy and comfortable room as anyone need wish, and, of course, I would not be so silly as to make him uncomfortable just for a whim.
I'm really getting quite fond of the big room, all but that horrid paper. Out of one window I can see the garden, those mysterious deep-shaded arbors, the riotous old-fashioned flowers, and bushes and gnarly trees.
Out of another I get a lovely view of the bay and a little private wharf belonging to the estate. There is a beautiful shaded lane that runs down there from the house.
I always fancy I see people walking in these numerous paths and arbors, but John has cautioned me not to give way to fancy in the least.
He says that with my imaginative power and habit of story-making, a nervous weakness like mine is sure to lead to all manner of excited fancies, and that I ought to use my will and good sense to check the tendency. So I try.
I think sometimes that if I were only well enough to write a little, it would relieve the press of ideas and rest me.
But I find I get pretty tired when I try.
It is so discouraging not to have any advice and companionship about my work. When I get really well, John says we will ask Cousin Henry and Julia down for a long visit; but he says he would as soon put fireworks in my pillow-case as to let me have those stimulating people about now.
I wish I could get well faster.
But I must not think about that. This paper looks to me as if it knew what a vicious influence it had!
There is a recurrent spot where the pattern lolls like a broken neck and two bulbous eyes stare at you upside down.
I get positively angry with the impertinence of it and the everlastingness. Up and down and sideways they crawl, and those absurd, unblinking eyes are everywhere. There is one place where two breaths didn't match, and the eyes go all up and down the line, one a little higher than the other.
I never saw so much expression in an inanimate thing before, and we all know how much expression they have! I used to lie awake as a child and get more entertainment and terror out of blank walls and plain furniture than most children could find in a toy-store.
I remember what a kindly wink the knobs of our big, old bureau used to have, and there was one chair that always seemed like a strong friend.
I used to feel that if any of the other things looked too fierce I could always hop into that chair and be safe.
The furniture in this room is no worse than inharmonious, however, for we had to bring it all from downstairs. I suppose when this was used as a playroom they had to take the nursery things out, and no wonder!
I never saw such ravages as the children have made here.
The wall-paper, as I said before, is torn off in spots, and it sticketh closer than a brother -they must have had perseverance as well as hatred.
Then the floor is scratched and gouged and splintered, the plaster itself is dug out here and there, and this great heavy bed which is all we found in the room, looks as if it had been through the wars.
But I don't mind it a bit -only the paper.
There comes John's sister. Such a dear girl as she is, and so careful of me ! I must not let her find me writing.
She is a perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper, and hopes for no better profession. I verily believe she thinks it is the writing which made me sick!
But I can write when she is out, and see her a long way off from these windows.
There is one that commands the road, a lovely shaded winding road, and one that just looks off over the country. A lovely country, too, full of great elms and velvet meadows.
This wallpaper has a kind of subpattern in a different shade, a particularly irritating one, for you can only see it in certain lights, and not clearly then.
But in the places where it isn't faded and where the sun is just so -I can see a strange, provoking, formless sort of figure, that seems to skulk about behind that silly and conspicuous front design.
There's sister on the stairs!
* * *
-------------------------
[다음]
[스포일러] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 끝장면, 남편은 '기절' 했을까?
[감상] 'The Yellow Wallpaper'의 음모론적 해석
A Journey (2)
[이전]
A Journey (2)
Putting her head out, she listened; but she could not distinguish his breathing from that of the other pairs of lungs about her. She longed to get up and look at him, but she knew the impulse was a mere vent for her restlessness, and the fear of disturbing him restrained her.
The regular movement of his curtain reassured her, she knew not why; she remembered that he had wished her a cheerful good-night; and the sheer inability to endure her fears a moment longer made her put them from her with an effort of her whole sound tired body.
She turned on her side and slept. She sat up stiffly, staring out at the dawn. The train was rushing through a region of bare hillocks huddled against a lifeless sky. It looked like the first day of creation. The air of the car was close, and she pushed up her window to let in the keen wind. Then she looked at her watch: it was seven o'clock, and soon the people about her would be stirring. She slipped into her clothes, smoothed her dishevelled hair and crept to the dressing-room.
When she had washed her face and adjusted her dress she felt more hopeful. It was always a struggle for her not to be cheerful in the morning. Her cheeks burned deliciously under the coarse towel and the wet hair about her temples broke into strong upward tendrils.
Every inch of her was full of life and elasticity. And in ten hours they would be at home!
She stepped to her husband’s berth: it was time for him to take his early glass of milk. The window-shade was down, and in the dusk of the curtained enclosure she could just see that he lay sideways, with his face away from her. She leaned over him and drew up the shade.
As she did so she touched one of his hands. It felt cold.
She bent closer, laying her hand on his arm and calling him by name. He did not move. She spoke again more loudly; she grasped his shoulder and gently shook it.
He lay motionless. She caught hold of his hand again: it slipped from her limply, like a dead thing. A dead thing?
Her breath caught. She must see his face. She leaned forward, and hurriedly, shrinkingly, with a sickening reluctance of the flesh, laid her hands on his shoulders and turned him over. His head fell back; his face looked small and smooth; he gazed at her with steady eyes.
She remained motionless for a long time, holding him thus; and they looked at each other. Suddenly she shrank back: the longing to scream, to call out, to fly from him, had almost overpowered her. But a strong hand arrested her. Good God!
If it were known that he was dead they would be put off the train at the next station.
In a terrifying flash of remembrance there arose before her a scene she had once witnessed in travelling, when a husband and wife, whose child had died in the train, had been thrust out at some chance station. She saw them standing on the platform with the child’s body between them; she had never forgotten the dazed look with which they followed the receding train.
And this was what would happen to her. Within the next hour she might find herself on the platform of some strange station, alone with her husband’s body.
. . .
Anything but that! It was too horrible. She quivered like a creature
at bay. As she cowered there, she felt the train moving more slowly. It was coming then - they were approaching a station!
She saw again the husband and wife standing on the lonely platform; and with a violent gesture she drew down the shade to hide her husband’s face.
Feeling dizzy, she sank down on the edge of the berth, keeping away from his outstretched body, and pulling the curtains close, so that he and she were shut into a kind of sepulchral twilight. She tried to think.
At all costs she must conceal the fact that he was dead. But how? Her mind refused to act: she could not plan, combine. She could think of no way but to sit there, clutching the curtains, all day long.
. . .
She heard the porter making up her bed; people were beginning to move about the car; the dressing-room door was being opened and shut. She tried to rouse herself.
At length with a supreme effort she rose to her feet, stepping into the aisle of the car and drawing the curtains tight behind her. She noticed that they still parted slightly with the motion of the car, and finding a pin in her dress she fastened them together.
Now she was safe. She looked round and saw the porter. She fancied he was watching her.
“Ain’t he awake yet?” he enquired.
“No,” she faltered.
“I got his milk all ready when he wants it. You know you told me to have it for him by seven.”
She nodded silently and crept into her seat. At half-past eight the train reached Buffalo. By this time the other passengers were dressed and the berths had been folded back for the day.
The porter, moving to and fro under his burden of sheets and pillows, glanced at her as he passed. At length he said: “Ain’t he going to get up? You know we’re ordered to make up the berths as early as we can.”
She turned cold with fear. They were just entering the station.
“Oh, not yet,” she stammered. “Not till he’s had his milk. Won’t you get it, please?”
“All right. Soon as we start again.”
When the train moved on he reappeared with the milk. She took it from him and sat vaguely looking at it: her brain moved slowly from one idea to another, as though they were stepping-stones set far apart across a whirling flood. At length she became aware that the porter still hovered expectantly.
“Will I give it to him?” he suggested.
“Oh, no,” she cried, rising. “He - he’s asleep yet, I think -”
She waited till the porter had passed on; then she unpinned the curtains and slipped behind them. In the semi-obscurity her husband's face stared up at her like a marble mask with agate eyes. The eyes were dreadful. She put out her hand and drew down the lids. Then she remembered the glass of milk in her other hand: what was she to do with it? She thought of raising the window and throwing it out; but to do so she would have to lean across his body and bring her face close to his. She decided to drink the milk.
She returned to her seat with the empty glass and after a while the porter came back to get it.
“When’ll I fold up his bed?” he asked.
“Oh, not now - not yet; he’s ill - he’s very ill. Can’t you let him stay as he is? The doctor wants him to lie down as much as possible.”
He scratched his head.
"Well, if he’s really sick-"
He took the empty glass and walked away, explaining to the passengers that the party behind the curtains was too sick to get up just yet.
She found herself the centre of sympathetic eyes. A motherly woman with an intimate smile sat down beside her.
"I’m real sorry to hear your husband’s sick. I’ve had a remarkable amount of sickness in my family and maybe I could assist you. Can I take a look at him?"
"Oh, no - no, please! He mustn’t be disturbed."
The lady accepted the rebuff indulgently.
"Well, it’s just as you say, of course, but you don’t look to me as if you’d had much experience in sickness and I’d have been glad to assist you. What do you generally do when your husband’s taken this way?"
"I- I let him sleep."
"Too much sleep ain’t any too healthful either. Don’t you give him any medicine?"
"Y - yes."
"Don’t you wake him to take it?"
"Yes."
"When does he take the next dose?"
"Not for - two hours -"
The lady looked disappointed.
"Well, if I was you I’d try giving it oftener. That’s what I do with my folks."
After that many faces seemed to press upon her. The passengers were on their way to the dining-car, and she was conscious that as they passed down the aisle they glanced curiously at the closed curtains.
One lantern-jawed man with prominent eyes stood still and tried to shoot his projecting glance through the division between the folds. The freckled child, returning from breakfast, waylaid the passers with a
buttery clutch, saying in a loud whisper, "He's sick;" and once the conductor came by, asking for tickets. She shrank into her corner and looked out of the window at the flying trees and houses, meaningless hieroglyphs of an endlessly unrolled papyrus.
Now and then the train stopped, and the newcomers on entering the car stared in turn at the closed curtains. More and more people seemed to pass - their faces began to blend fantastically with the images surging in her brain. . . .
Later in the day a fat man detached himself from the mist of faces. He had a creased stomach and soft pale lips. As he pressed himself into the seat facing her she noticed that he was dressed in black broadcloth, with a soiled white tie.
“Husband’s pretty bad this morning, is he?”
“Yes.”
“Dear, dear! Now that’s terribly distressing, ain’t it?” An apostolic smile revealed his gold-filled teeth.
“Of course you know there’s no sech thing as sickness. Ain’t that a lovely thought? Death itself is but a deloosion of our grosser senses. On’y lay yourself open to the influx of the sperrit, submit yourself passively to the action of the divine force, and disease and dissolution will cease to exist for you. If you could indooce your husband to read this little pamphlet -”
The faces about her again grew indistinct. She had a vague recollection of hearing the motherly lady and the parent of the freckled child ardently disputing the relative advantages of trying several medicines at once, or of taking each in turn; the motherly lady maintaining that the competitive system saved time; the other objecting that you couldn’t tell which remedy had effected the cure; their voices went on and on, like bellbuoys droning through a fog . . . The porter came up now and then with questions that she did not understand, but that somehow she must have answered since he went away again without repeating them; every two hours the motherly lady reminded her that her husband ought to have his drops; people left the car and others replaced them. . . .
Her head was spinning and she tried to steady herself by clutching at her thoughts as they swept by, but they slipped away from her like bushes on the side of a sheer precipice down which she seemed to be falling. Suddenly her mind grew clear again and she found herself vividly picturing what would happen when the train reached New York. She shuddered as it occurred to her that he would be quite cold and that some one might perceive he had been dead since morning.
She thought hurriedly: - “If they see I am not surprised they will suspect something. They will ask questions, and if I tell them the truth they won’t believe me - no one would believe me! It will be terrible” - and she kept repeating to herself: - “I must pretend I don’t know. I must pretend I don’t know. When they open the curtains I must go up to him quite naturally - and then I must scream.” . . . She had an idea that the scream would be very hard to do.
Gradually new thoughts crowded upon her, vivid and urgent: she tried to separate and restrain them, but they beset her clamorously, like her school-children at the end of a hot day, when she was too tired to silence them. Her head grew confused, and she felt a sick fear of forgetting her part, of betraying herself by some unguarded word or look.
“I must pretend I don’t know,” she went on murmuring. The words had lost their significance, but she repeated them mechanically, as though they had been a magic formula, until suddenly she heard herself saying: “I can’t remember, I can’t remember!” Her voice sounded very loud, and she looked about her in terror; but no one seemed to notice that she had spoken.
As she glanced down the car her eye caught the curtains of her husband’s berth, and she began to examine the monotonous arabesques woven through their heavy folds. The pattern was intricate and difficult to trace; she gazed fixedly at the curtains and as she did so the thick stuff grew transparent and through it she saw her husband’s face - his dead face. She struggled to avert her look, but her eyes refused to move and her head seemed to be held in a vice. At last, with an effort that left her weak and shaking, she turned away; but it was of no use; close in front of her, small and smooth, was her husband’s face. It seemed to be suspended in the air between her and the false braids of the woman who sat in front of her. With an uncontrollable gesture she stretched out her hand to push the face away, and suddenly she felt the touch of his smooth skin. She repressed a cry and half started from her seat. The woman with the false braids looked around, and feeling that she must justify her movement in some way she rose and lifted her travelling-bag from the opposite seat. She unlocked the bag and looked into it; but the first object her hand met was a small flask of her husband’s, thrust there at the last moment, in the haste of departure. She locked the bag and closed her eyes . . . his face was there again, hanging between her eyeballs and lids like a waxen mask against a red curtain . . .
She roused herself with a shiver. Had she fainted or slept? Hours seemed to have elapsed; but it was still broad day, and the people about her were sitting in the same attitudes as before.
A sudden sense of hunger made her aware that she had eaten nothing since morning. The thought of food filled her with disgust, but she dreaded a return of faintness, and remembering that she had some biscuits in her bag she took one out and ate it. The dry crumbs choked her, and she hastily swallowed a little brandy from her husband’s flask. The burning sensation in her throat acted as a counter-irritant, momentarily relieving the dull ache of her nerves. Then she felt a gently-stealing warmth, as though a soft air fanned her, and the swarming fears relaxed their clutch, receding through the stillness that enclosed her, a stillness soothing as the spacious quietude of a summer day. She slept.
Through her sleep she felt the impetuous rush of the train. It seemed to be life itself that was sweeping her on with headlong inexorable force - sweeping her into darkness and terror, and the awe of unknown days. - Now all at once everything was still—not a sound, not a pulsation... She was dead in her turn, and lay beside him with smooth upstaring face. How quiet it was! - and yet she heard feet coming, the feet of the men who were to carry them away... She could feel too - she felt a sudden prolonged vibration, a series of hard shocks, and then another plunge into darkness: the darkness of death this time - a black whirlwind on which they were both spinning like leaves, in wild uncoiling spirals, with millions and millions of the dead...
-------------
She sprang up in terror. Her sleep must have lasted a long time, for the winter day had paled and the lights had been lit. The car was in confusion, and as she regained her self-possession she saw that the passengers were gathering up their wraps and bags. The woman with the false braids had brought from the dressing-room a sickly ivy-plant in a bottle, and the Christian Scientist was reversing his cuffs. The porter passed down the aisle with his impartial brush. An impersonal figure with a gold-banded cap asked for her husband’s ticket. A voice shouted “Baig-gage express!” and she heard the clicking of metal as the passengers handed over their checks.
Presently her window was blocked by an expanse of sooty wall, and the train passed into the Harlem tunnel. The journey was over; in a few minutes she would see her family pushing their joyous way through the throng at the station. Her heart dilated. The worst terror was past...
“We’d better get him up now, hadn’t we?” asked the porter, touching her arm.
He had her husband’s hat in his hand and was meditatively revolving it under his brush.
She looked at the hat and tried to speak; but suddenly the car grew dark. She flung up her arms, struggling to catch at something, and fell face downward, striking her head against the dead man’s berth.
(1899)
A Journey (2)
Putting her head out, she listened; but she could not distinguish his breathing from that of the other pairs of lungs about her. She longed to get up and look at him, but she knew the impulse was a mere vent for her restlessness, and the fear of disturbing him restrained her.
The regular movement of his curtain reassured her, she knew not why; she remembered that he had wished her a cheerful good-night; and the sheer inability to endure her fears a moment longer made her put them from her with an effort of her whole sound tired body.
She turned on her side and slept. She sat up stiffly, staring out at the dawn. The train was rushing through a region of bare hillocks huddled against a lifeless sky. It looked like the first day of creation. The air of the car was close, and she pushed up her window to let in the keen wind. Then she looked at her watch: it was seven o'clock, and soon the people about her would be stirring. She slipped into her clothes, smoothed her dishevelled hair and crept to the dressing-room.
When she had washed her face and adjusted her dress she felt more hopeful. It was always a struggle for her not to be cheerful in the morning. Her cheeks burned deliciously under the coarse towel and the wet hair about her temples broke into strong upward tendrils.
Every inch of her was full of life and elasticity. And in ten hours they would be at home!
She stepped to her husband’s berth: it was time for him to take his early glass of milk. The window-shade was down, and in the dusk of the curtained enclosure she could just see that he lay sideways, with his face away from her. She leaned over him and drew up the shade.
As she did so she touched one of his hands. It felt cold.
She bent closer, laying her hand on his arm and calling him by name. He did not move. She spoke again more loudly; she grasped his shoulder and gently shook it.
He lay motionless. She caught hold of his hand again: it slipped from her limply, like a dead thing. A dead thing?
Her breath caught. She must see his face. She leaned forward, and hurriedly, shrinkingly, with a sickening reluctance of the flesh, laid her hands on his shoulders and turned him over. His head fell back; his face looked small and smooth; he gazed at her with steady eyes.
She remained motionless for a long time, holding him thus; and they looked at each other. Suddenly she shrank back: the longing to scream, to call out, to fly from him, had almost overpowered her. But a strong hand arrested her. Good God!
If it were known that he was dead they would be put off the train at the next station.
In a terrifying flash of remembrance there arose before her a scene she had once witnessed in travelling, when a husband and wife, whose child had died in the train, had been thrust out at some chance station. She saw them standing on the platform with the child’s body between them; she had never forgotten the dazed look with which they followed the receding train.
And this was what would happen to her. Within the next hour she might find herself on the platform of some strange station, alone with her husband’s body.
. . .
Anything but that! It was too horrible. She quivered like a creature
at bay. As she cowered there, she felt the train moving more slowly. It was coming then - they were approaching a station!
She saw again the husband and wife standing on the lonely platform; and with a violent gesture she drew down the shade to hide her husband’s face.
Feeling dizzy, she sank down on the edge of the berth, keeping away from his outstretched body, and pulling the curtains close, so that he and she were shut into a kind of sepulchral twilight. She tried to think.
At all costs she must conceal the fact that he was dead. But how? Her mind refused to act: she could not plan, combine. She could think of no way but to sit there, clutching the curtains, all day long.
. . .
She heard the porter making up her bed; people were beginning to move about the car; the dressing-room door was being opened and shut. She tried to rouse herself.
At length with a supreme effort she rose to her feet, stepping into the aisle of the car and drawing the curtains tight behind her. She noticed that they still parted slightly with the motion of the car, and finding a pin in her dress she fastened them together.
Now she was safe. She looked round and saw the porter. She fancied he was watching her.
“Ain’t he awake yet?” he enquired.
“No,” she faltered.
“I got his milk all ready when he wants it. You know you told me to have it for him by seven.”
She nodded silently and crept into her seat. At half-past eight the train reached Buffalo. By this time the other passengers were dressed and the berths had been folded back for the day.
The porter, moving to and fro under his burden of sheets and pillows, glanced at her as he passed. At length he said: “Ain’t he going to get up? You know we’re ordered to make up the berths as early as we can.”
She turned cold with fear. They were just entering the station.
“Oh, not yet,” she stammered. “Not till he’s had his milk. Won’t you get it, please?”
“All right. Soon as we start again.”
When the train moved on he reappeared with the milk. She took it from him and sat vaguely looking at it: her brain moved slowly from one idea to another, as though they were stepping-stones set far apart across a whirling flood. At length she became aware that the porter still hovered expectantly.
“Will I give it to him?” he suggested.
“Oh, no,” she cried, rising. “He - he’s asleep yet, I think -”
She waited till the porter had passed on; then she unpinned the curtains and slipped behind them. In the semi-obscurity her husband's face stared up at her like a marble mask with agate eyes. The eyes were dreadful. She put out her hand and drew down the lids. Then she remembered the glass of milk in her other hand: what was she to do with it? She thought of raising the window and throwing it out; but to do so she would have to lean across his body and bring her face close to his. She decided to drink the milk.
She returned to her seat with the empty glass and after a while the porter came back to get it.
“When’ll I fold up his bed?” he asked.
“Oh, not now - not yet; he’s ill - he’s very ill. Can’t you let him stay as he is? The doctor wants him to lie down as much as possible.”
He scratched his head.
"Well, if he’s really sick-"
He took the empty glass and walked away, explaining to the passengers that the party behind the curtains was too sick to get up just yet.
She found herself the centre of sympathetic eyes. A motherly woman with an intimate smile sat down beside her.
"I’m real sorry to hear your husband’s sick. I’ve had a remarkable amount of sickness in my family and maybe I could assist you. Can I take a look at him?"
"Oh, no - no, please! He mustn’t be disturbed."
The lady accepted the rebuff indulgently.
"Well, it’s just as you say, of course, but you don’t look to me as if you’d had much experience in sickness and I’d have been glad to assist you. What do you generally do when your husband’s taken this way?"
"I- I let him sleep."
"Too much sleep ain’t any too healthful either. Don’t you give him any medicine?"
"Y - yes."
"Don’t you wake him to take it?"
"Yes."
"When does he take the next dose?"
"Not for - two hours -"
The lady looked disappointed.
"Well, if I was you I’d try giving it oftener. That’s what I do with my folks."
After that many faces seemed to press upon her. The passengers were on their way to the dining-car, and she was conscious that as they passed down the aisle they glanced curiously at the closed curtains.
One lantern-jawed man with prominent eyes stood still and tried to shoot his projecting glance through the division between the folds. The freckled child, returning from breakfast, waylaid the passers with a
buttery clutch, saying in a loud whisper, "He's sick;" and once the conductor came by, asking for tickets. She shrank into her corner and looked out of the window at the flying trees and houses, meaningless hieroglyphs of an endlessly unrolled papyrus.
Now and then the train stopped, and the newcomers on entering the car stared in turn at the closed curtains. More and more people seemed to pass - their faces began to blend fantastically with the images surging in her brain. . . .
Later in the day a fat man detached himself from the mist of faces. He had a creased stomach and soft pale lips. As he pressed himself into the seat facing her she noticed that he was dressed in black broadcloth, with a soiled white tie.
“Husband’s pretty bad this morning, is he?”
“Yes.”
“Dear, dear! Now that’s terribly distressing, ain’t it?” An apostolic smile revealed his gold-filled teeth.
“Of course you know there’s no sech thing as sickness. Ain’t that a lovely thought? Death itself is but a deloosion of our grosser senses. On’y lay yourself open to the influx of the sperrit, submit yourself passively to the action of the divine force, and disease and dissolution will cease to exist for you. If you could indooce your husband to read this little pamphlet -”
The faces about her again grew indistinct. She had a vague recollection of hearing the motherly lady and the parent of the freckled child ardently disputing the relative advantages of trying several medicines at once, or of taking each in turn; the motherly lady maintaining that the competitive system saved time; the other objecting that you couldn’t tell which remedy had effected the cure; their voices went on and on, like bellbuoys droning through a fog . . . The porter came up now and then with questions that she did not understand, but that somehow she must have answered since he went away again without repeating them; every two hours the motherly lady reminded her that her husband ought to have his drops; people left the car and others replaced them. . . .
Her head was spinning and she tried to steady herself by clutching at her thoughts as they swept by, but they slipped away from her like bushes on the side of a sheer precipice down which she seemed to be falling. Suddenly her mind grew clear again and she found herself vividly picturing what would happen when the train reached New York. She shuddered as it occurred to her that he would be quite cold and that some one might perceive he had been dead since morning.
She thought hurriedly: - “If they see I am not surprised they will suspect something. They will ask questions, and if I tell them the truth they won’t believe me - no one would believe me! It will be terrible” - and she kept repeating to herself: - “I must pretend I don’t know. I must pretend I don’t know. When they open the curtains I must go up to him quite naturally - and then I must scream.” . . . She had an idea that the scream would be very hard to do.
Gradually new thoughts crowded upon her, vivid and urgent: she tried to separate and restrain them, but they beset her clamorously, like her school-children at the end of a hot day, when she was too tired to silence them. Her head grew confused, and she felt a sick fear of forgetting her part, of betraying herself by some unguarded word or look.
“I must pretend I don’t know,” she went on murmuring. The words had lost their significance, but she repeated them mechanically, as though they had been a magic formula, until suddenly she heard herself saying: “I can’t remember, I can’t remember!” Her voice sounded very loud, and she looked about her in terror; but no one seemed to notice that she had spoken.
As she glanced down the car her eye caught the curtains of her husband’s berth, and she began to examine the monotonous arabesques woven through their heavy folds. The pattern was intricate and difficult to trace; she gazed fixedly at the curtains and as she did so the thick stuff grew transparent and through it she saw her husband’s face - his dead face. She struggled to avert her look, but her eyes refused to move and her head seemed to be held in a vice. At last, with an effort that left her weak and shaking, she turned away; but it was of no use; close in front of her, small and smooth, was her husband’s face. It seemed to be suspended in the air between her and the false braids of the woman who sat in front of her. With an uncontrollable gesture she stretched out her hand to push the face away, and suddenly she felt the touch of his smooth skin. She repressed a cry and half started from her seat. The woman with the false braids looked around, and feeling that she must justify her movement in some way she rose and lifted her travelling-bag from the opposite seat. She unlocked the bag and looked into it; but the first object her hand met was a small flask of her husband’s, thrust there at the last moment, in the haste of departure. She locked the bag and closed her eyes . . . his face was there again, hanging between her eyeballs and lids like a waxen mask against a red curtain . . .
She roused herself with a shiver. Had she fainted or slept? Hours seemed to have elapsed; but it was still broad day, and the people about her were sitting in the same attitudes as before.
A sudden sense of hunger made her aware that she had eaten nothing since morning. The thought of food filled her with disgust, but she dreaded a return of faintness, and remembering that she had some biscuits in her bag she took one out and ate it. The dry crumbs choked her, and she hastily swallowed a little brandy from her husband’s flask. The burning sensation in her throat acted as a counter-irritant, momentarily relieving the dull ache of her nerves. Then she felt a gently-stealing warmth, as though a soft air fanned her, and the swarming fears relaxed their clutch, receding through the stillness that enclosed her, a stillness soothing as the spacious quietude of a summer day. She slept.
Through her sleep she felt the impetuous rush of the train. It seemed to be life itself that was sweeping her on with headlong inexorable force - sweeping her into darkness and terror, and the awe of unknown days. - Now all at once everything was still—not a sound, not a pulsation... She was dead in her turn, and lay beside him with smooth upstaring face. How quiet it was! - and yet she heard feet coming, the feet of the men who were to carry them away... She could feel too - she felt a sudden prolonged vibration, a series of hard shocks, and then another plunge into darkness: the darkness of death this time - a black whirlwind on which they were both spinning like leaves, in wild uncoiling spirals, with millions and millions of the dead...
-------------
She sprang up in terror. Her sleep must have lasted a long time, for the winter day had paled and the lights had been lit. The car was in confusion, and as she regained her self-possession she saw that the passengers were gathering up their wraps and bags. The woman with the false braids had brought from the dressing-room a sickly ivy-plant in a bottle, and the Christian Scientist was reversing his cuffs. The porter passed down the aisle with his impartial brush. An impersonal figure with a gold-banded cap asked for her husband’s ticket. A voice shouted “Baig-gage express!” and she heard the clicking of metal as the passengers handed over their checks.
Presently her window was blocked by an expanse of sooty wall, and the train passed into the Harlem tunnel. The journey was over; in a few minutes she would see her family pushing their joyous way through the throng at the station. Her heart dilated. The worst terror was past...
“We’d better get him up now, hadn’t we?” asked the porter, touching her arm.
He had her husband’s hat in his hand and was meditatively revolving it under his brush.
She looked at the hat and tried to speak; but suddenly the car grew dark. She flung up her arms, struggling to catch at something, and fell face downward, striking her head against the dead man’s berth.
(1899)
A Journey (1)
A Journey (1)
어떤 여행
* First published in The Greater Inclination (1899).
-
-
As she lay in her berth(기차의 침대), staring at the shadows overhead, the rush of the wheels was in her brain, driving her deeper and deeper into circles of wakeful lucidity(명료함). The sleeping-car had sunk into its night-silence.
Through the wet window-pane she watched the sudden lights, the long stretches of hurrying blackness(긴 어둠 간간히 스치는 빛). Now and then she turned her head and looked through the opening in the hangings at her husband’s curtains across the aisle.
She wondered restlessly if he wanted anything and if she could hear him if he called. His voice had grown very weak within the last months and it irritated(짜증나게하다) him when she did not hear. This irritability, this increasing childish petulance(토라짐) seemed to give expression to their imperceptible estrangement(소원해짐).
그가 부를때 알아듣지 못할까봐 조바심이 났다(wondered restlessly). 지난 몇달간 그의 목소리는 병약해졌고 그때문에 그는 짜증을 냈다. 그 짜증으로 인해 (부부사이가) 소원해진듯 했다.
Like two faces looking at one another through a sheet of glass they were close together, almost touching, but they could not hear or feel each other: the conductivity between them was broken.
마주보고 있어도 둘사이에 유리로 막혀있는 듯 했다. 서로 들을 수도 느낄 수도 없었다. 둘 사이에 공감통로(conductivity)가 없어졌다.
She, at least, had this sense of separation, and she fancied sometimes that she saw it reflected in the look with which he supplemented his failing words.
결국 그녀는 둘 사이가 멀어졌다는 것을 깨닳았고 그가 내뱉는(he supplemented) 비관적인 말들(failing words)이 그것(둘 사이의 소원함)을 반영하는 것이라고 생각했다(fancied).
Doubtless the fault was hers. She was too impenetrably(관통할 수 없이) healthy to be touched by the irrelevancies(분별없음) of disease.
* impenetrably; 관통할 수 없이 < im+penetrate+ly
* the irrelevancies of disease; 병이 어떻든 관계없음 <> ir+relevance
의심할 것도 없이 상황이 이렇게 된것은 그녀탓이다. 그녀가 너무 건강한 탓에 어떤 병도 그녀를 건들일수 없었다.
Her self-reproachful tenderness was tinged with the sense of his irrationality: she had a vague feeling that there was a purpose in his helpless tyrannies.
* was tinged with~; ~으로 변질되다.
* tyranny;폭정 < tyrant; 폭군
그의 비이성적 행동으로 인해 그녀의 성격이 자책하는 경향이 생겼다. 그의 못말릴 폭력적인 행동(helpless tyrannies)의 목적이 무었인지 막연히 짐작했다. (병든 남편은 건강한 아내가 부럽다 못해 화가나 있음. 그 화남의 목적이 아내도 함께 무너뜨리려는 이기적 심사일지도 모른다고 생각함)
The suddenness of the change had found her so unprepared. A year ago their pulses had beat to one robust measure; both had the same prodigal(풍부한) confidence in an exhaustless(지칠줄 모르는) future.
예상치 못한 변화가 일어났다. 일년전만 해도 그들의 미래는 하나의 맥박(부부일심)처럼 강력하게(robust measure) 뛰었다. 지칠줄 모르는 자신감에 가득찬 미래였다. (둘이라면 못할게 없다는 확신으로 가득찼었다.)
Now their energies no longer kept step: hers still bounded ahead of life, preempting unclaimed regions of hope and activity, while his lagged behind, vainly struggling to overtake her.
* preempting unclaimed regions; 아무에게도 선점되지 않은 지역=신세계
지금은 그둘의 같은 길을 걷지 않고있다(no keep steps). 그녀는 앞으로 남은 생에 대한 희망과 활력을 가지고 있지만 그녀의 남편이 뒤에 메달려 헛되이(vainly) 끌어당기고 있었다. (남편은 짐만 되고 있다. 차라리 죽었으면 하는 심정일게다. 그런데...)
When they married, she had such arrears of living to make up: her days had been as bare as the white-washed schoolroom where she forced innutritious facts upon reluctant children.
* arrears; 지연.지체. (경제용어로) 임금 채불;
* make up; 해결하다
결혼할 당시 그녀는 살아내기에 급급했다. 그녀의 생활은 배우기 싫어하는 아이들에게 영양가 없는 사실들을 강요하던 흰 회벽칠을 한 교실 만큼이나 보잘게 없었다(as bare as ~).
* 곤궁했다는 뜻인지 지루했다는 뜻인지 알 수 없음.
His coming had broken in on the slumber of circumstance, widening the present till it became the encloser of remotest chances.
* slumber; 침체, 선잠
그의 등장은 그녀가 (처한) 지루한 삶(slumber of circumstance)에서 깨어나게(break in) 했고, 멀게 느껴지던 희망(기회)이 주변으로 느껴질만큼 현재의 지평이 넓어졌다.
But imperceptibly the horizon narrowed. Life had a grudge against her: she was never to be allowed to spread her wings.
하지만 모르는 사이에(imperceptibly) 지평이 좁아졌다. 삶이 그녀의 뒤통수를 쳤다(grudge; 뒤끝, 원한). 그녀에게 날개를 펼칠 기회가 전혀 주어지지 않았다.
-
-
At first the doctors had said that six weeks of mild air would set him right; but when he came back this assurance was explained as having of course included a winter in a dry climate.
처음에 의사는 온화한 기후에서 6주간 쉬면 회복하기 충분하다고 했다. (하지만 회복되지 않았기 때문에) 돌아와서 물어보니 그때의 장담은 건조한 기후에서 겨울을 보내는 것도 포함된다고 설명하는 것이었다.
(6개월 지나서 딴소리하는 의사라니. 남편은 결국 차가운 지방에서 병이 악화되고 돌아오는 기차안에서 죽는다.)
They gave up their pretty house, storing the wedding presents and new furniture, and went to Colorado.
결혼 후 일년도 채 넘지 않았으니 결혼선물, 신접살림을 다 포기하고 콜로라도로 갔다. (의사가 건조한 겨울날씨를 권했으니까)
She had hated it there from the first. Nobody knew her or cared about her; there was no one to wonder at the good match she had made, or to envy her the new dresses and the visiting-cards which were still a surprise to her. And he kept growing worse.
여자는 아무도 알아봐 주는이가 없다는 이유로 콜로라도가 싫다. 남편은 병세가 악화 되기만 했다. (도데체 여자는 뭘 하고 있었을까?)
She felt herself beset with difficulties too evasive to be fought by so direct a temperament. She still loved him, of course; but he was gradually, undefinably ceasing to be himself.
The man she had married had been strong, active, gently masterful: the male whose pleasure it is to clear a way through the material obstructions of life; but now it was she who was the protector, he who must be shielded from importunities and given his drops or his beef-juice though the skies were falling.
The routine of the sick-room bewildered her; this punctual administering of medicine seemed as idle as some uncomprehended religious mummery.
There were moments, indeed, when warm gushes of pity swept away her instinctive resentment of his condition, when she still found his old self in his eyes as they groped for each other through the dense medium of his weakness. But these moments had grown rare.
Sometimes he frightened her: his sunken expressionless face seemed that of a stranger; his voice was weak and hoarse; his thin-lipped smile a mere muscular contraction. Her hand avoided his damp soft skin, which had lost the familiar roughness of health: she caught herself
furtively watching him as she might have watched a strange animal.
It frightened her to feel that this was the man she loved; there were hours when to tell him what she suffered seemed the one escape from her fears. But in general she judged herself more leniently, reflecting that she had perhaps been too long alone with him, and that she would feel differently when they were at home again, surrounded by her robust and buoyant family.
-
How she had rejoiced when the doctors at last gave their consent to his going home! She knew, of course, what the decision meant; they both knew. It meant that he was to die; but they dressed the truth in hopeful euphuisms, and at times, in the joy of preparation, she really
forgot the purpose of their journey, and slipped into an eager allusion to next year’s plans.
At last the day of leaving came. She had a dreadful fear that they would never get away; that somehow at the last moment he would fail her; that the doctors held one of their accustomed treacheries in reserve; but nothing happened.
They drove to the station, he was installed in a seat with a rug over his knees and a cushion at his back, and she hung out of the window waving unregretful farewells to the acquaintances she had really never liked till then.
The first twenty-four hours had passed off well. He revived a little and it amused him to look out of the window and to observe the humours of the car.
The second day he began to grow weary and to chafe under the dispassionate stare of the freckled child with the lump of chewing-gum. She had to explain to the child’s mother that her husband was too ill to be disturbed: a statement received by that lady with a resentment visibly supported by the maternal sentiment of the whole car.
That night he slept badly and the next morning his temperature frightened her: she was sure he was growing worse.
The day passed slowly, punctuated by the small irritations of travel. Watching his tired face, she traced in its contractions every rattle and jolt of the train, till her own body vibrated with sympathetic fatigue. She felt the others observing him too, and hovered restlessly between him and the line of interrogative eyes.
The freckled child hung about him like a fly; offers of candy and picture-books failed to dislodge her: she twisted one leg around the other and watched him imperturbably.
-
-
The porter, as he passed, lingered with vague proffers of help, probably inspired by philanthropic passengers swelling with the sense that “something ought to be done;” and one nervous man in a skull-cap was audibly concerned as to the possible effect on his wife’s health.
The hours dragged on in a dreary inoccupation. Towards dusk she sat down beside him and he laid his hand on hers. The touch startled her. He seemed to be calling her from far off.
She looked at him helplessly and his smile went through her like a physical pang.
"Are you very tired?" she asked.
"No, not very."
"We’ll be there soon now."
"Yes, very soon."
"This time to-morrow---"
He nodded and they sat silent. When she had put him to bed and crawled into her own berth she tried to cheer herself with the thought that in less than twenty-four hours they would be in New York.
Her people would all be at the station to meet her—she pictured their round unanxious faces pressing through the crowd. She only hoped they would not tell him too loudly that he was looking splendidly and would be all right in no time: the subtler sympathies developed by long contact with suffering were making her aware of a certain coarseness of texture in the family sensibilities.
Suddenly she thought she heard him call. She parted the curtains and listened. No, it was only a man snoring at the other end of the car. His snores had a greasy sound, as though they passed through tallow. She lay down and tried to sleep.
Had she not heard him move? She started up trembling...
The silence frightened her more than any sound. He might not be able to make her hear—he might be calling her now...
What made her think of such things? It was merely the familiar tendency of an over-tired mind to fasten itself on the most intolerable chance within the range of its forebodings.
-
---------------------------------
[다음]
어떤 여행
* First published in The Greater Inclination (1899).
-
As she lay in her berth(기차의 침대), staring at the shadows overhead, the rush of the wheels was in her brain, driving her deeper and deeper into circles of wakeful lucidity(명료함). The sleeping-car had sunk into its night-silence.
Through the wet window-pane she watched the sudden lights, the long stretches of hurrying blackness(긴 어둠 간간히 스치는 빛). Now and then she turned her head and looked through the opening in the hangings at her husband’s curtains across the aisle.
She wondered restlessly if he wanted anything and if she could hear him if he called. His voice had grown very weak within the last months and it irritated(짜증나게하다) him when she did not hear. This irritability, this increasing childish petulance(토라짐) seemed to give expression to their imperceptible estrangement(소원해짐).
그가 부를때 알아듣지 못할까봐 조바심이 났다(wondered restlessly). 지난 몇달간 그의 목소리는 병약해졌고 그때문에 그는 짜증을 냈다. 그 짜증으로 인해 (부부사이가) 소원해진듯 했다.
Like two faces looking at one another through a sheet of glass they were close together, almost touching, but they could not hear or feel each other: the conductivity between them was broken.
마주보고 있어도 둘사이에 유리로 막혀있는 듯 했다. 서로 들을 수도 느낄 수도 없었다. 둘 사이에 공감통로(conductivity)가 없어졌다.
She, at least, had this sense of separation, and she fancied sometimes that she saw it reflected in the look with which he supplemented his failing words.
결국 그녀는 둘 사이가 멀어졌다는 것을 깨닳았고 그가 내뱉는(he supplemented) 비관적인 말들(failing words)이 그것(둘 사이의 소원함)을 반영하는 것이라고 생각했다(fancied).
Doubtless the fault was hers. She was too impenetrably(관통할 수 없이) healthy to be touched by the irrelevancies(분별없음) of disease.
* impenetrably; 관통할 수 없이 < im+penetrate+ly
* the irrelevancies of disease; 병이 어떻든 관계없음 <> ir+relevance
의심할 것도 없이 상황이 이렇게 된것은 그녀탓이다. 그녀가 너무 건강한 탓에 어떤 병도 그녀를 건들일수 없었다.
Her self-reproachful tenderness was tinged with the sense of his irrationality: she had a vague feeling that there was a purpose in his helpless tyrannies.
* was tinged with~; ~으로 변질되다.
* tyranny;폭정 < tyrant; 폭군
그의 비이성적 행동으로 인해 그녀의 성격이 자책하는 경향이 생겼다. 그의 못말릴 폭력적인 행동(helpless tyrannies)의 목적이 무었인지 막연히 짐작했다. (병든 남편은 건강한 아내가 부럽다 못해 화가나 있음. 그 화남의 목적이 아내도 함께 무너뜨리려는 이기적 심사일지도 모른다고 생각함)
The suddenness of the change had found her so unprepared. A year ago their pulses had beat to one robust measure; both had the same prodigal(풍부한) confidence in an exhaustless(지칠줄 모르는) future.
예상치 못한 변화가 일어났다. 일년전만 해도 그들의 미래는 하나의 맥박(부부일심)처럼 강력하게(robust measure) 뛰었다. 지칠줄 모르는 자신감에 가득찬 미래였다. (둘이라면 못할게 없다는 확신으로 가득찼었다.)
Now their energies no longer kept step: hers still bounded ahead of life, preempting unclaimed regions of hope and activity, while his lagged behind, vainly struggling to overtake her.
* preempting unclaimed regions; 아무에게도 선점되지 않은 지역=신세계
지금은 그둘의 같은 길을 걷지 않고있다(no keep steps). 그녀는 앞으로 남은 생에 대한 희망과 활력을 가지고 있지만 그녀의 남편이 뒤에 메달려 헛되이(vainly) 끌어당기고 있었다. (남편은 짐만 되고 있다. 차라리 죽었으면 하는 심정일게다. 그런데...)
When they married, she had such arrears of living to make up: her days had been as bare as the white-washed schoolroom where she forced innutritious facts upon reluctant children.
* arrears; 지연.지체. (경제용어로) 임금 채불;
* make up; 해결하다
결혼할 당시 그녀는 살아내기에 급급했다. 그녀의 생활은 배우기 싫어하는 아이들에게 영양가 없는 사실들을 강요하던 흰 회벽칠을 한 교실 만큼이나 보잘게 없었다(as bare as ~).
* 곤궁했다는 뜻인지 지루했다는 뜻인지 알 수 없음.
His coming had broken in on the slumber of circumstance, widening the present till it became the encloser of remotest chances.
* slumber; 침체, 선잠
그의 등장은 그녀가 (처한) 지루한 삶(slumber of circumstance)에서 깨어나게(break in) 했고, 멀게 느껴지던 희망(기회)이 주변으로 느껴질만큼 현재의 지평이 넓어졌다.
But imperceptibly the horizon narrowed. Life had a grudge against her: she was never to be allowed to spread her wings.
하지만 모르는 사이에(imperceptibly) 지평이 좁아졌다. 삶이 그녀의 뒤통수를 쳤다(grudge; 뒤끝, 원한). 그녀에게 날개를 펼칠 기회가 전혀 주어지지 않았다.
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At first the doctors had said that six weeks of mild air would set him right; but when he came back this assurance was explained as having of course included a winter in a dry climate.
처음에 의사는 온화한 기후에서 6주간 쉬면 회복하기 충분하다고 했다. (하지만 회복되지 않았기 때문에) 돌아와서 물어보니 그때의 장담은 건조한 기후에서 겨울을 보내는 것도 포함된다고 설명하는 것이었다.
(6개월 지나서 딴소리하는 의사라니. 남편은 결국 차가운 지방에서 병이 악화되고 돌아오는 기차안에서 죽는다.)
They gave up their pretty house, storing the wedding presents and new furniture, and went to Colorado.
결혼 후 일년도 채 넘지 않았으니 결혼선물, 신접살림을 다 포기하고 콜로라도로 갔다. (의사가 건조한 겨울날씨를 권했으니까)
She had hated it there from the first. Nobody knew her or cared about her; there was no one to wonder at the good match she had made, or to envy her the new dresses and the visiting-cards which were still a surprise to her. And he kept growing worse.
여자는 아무도 알아봐 주는이가 없다는 이유로 콜로라도가 싫다. 남편은 병세가 악화 되기만 했다. (도데체 여자는 뭘 하고 있었을까?)
She felt herself beset with difficulties too evasive to be fought by so direct a temperament. She still loved him, of course; but he was gradually, undefinably ceasing to be himself.
The man she had married had been strong, active, gently masterful: the male whose pleasure it is to clear a way through the material obstructions of life; but now it was she who was the protector, he who must be shielded from importunities and given his drops or his beef-juice though the skies were falling.
The routine of the sick-room bewildered her; this punctual administering of medicine seemed as idle as some uncomprehended religious mummery.
There were moments, indeed, when warm gushes of pity swept away her instinctive resentment of his condition, when she still found his old self in his eyes as they groped for each other through the dense medium of his weakness. But these moments had grown rare.
Sometimes he frightened her: his sunken expressionless face seemed that of a stranger; his voice was weak and hoarse; his thin-lipped smile a mere muscular contraction. Her hand avoided his damp soft skin, which had lost the familiar roughness of health: she caught herself
furtively watching him as she might have watched a strange animal.
It frightened her to feel that this was the man she loved; there were hours when to tell him what she suffered seemed the one escape from her fears. But in general she judged herself more leniently, reflecting that she had perhaps been too long alone with him, and that she would feel differently when they were at home again, surrounded by her robust and buoyant family.
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How she had rejoiced when the doctors at last gave their consent to his going home! She knew, of course, what the decision meant; they both knew. It meant that he was to die; but they dressed the truth in hopeful euphuisms, and at times, in the joy of preparation, she really
forgot the purpose of their journey, and slipped into an eager allusion to next year’s plans.
At last the day of leaving came. She had a dreadful fear that they would never get away; that somehow at the last moment he would fail her; that the doctors held one of their accustomed treacheries in reserve; but nothing happened.
They drove to the station, he was installed in a seat with a rug over his knees and a cushion at his back, and she hung out of the window waving unregretful farewells to the acquaintances she had really never liked till then.
The first twenty-four hours had passed off well. He revived a little and it amused him to look out of the window and to observe the humours of the car.
The second day he began to grow weary and to chafe under the dispassionate stare of the freckled child with the lump of chewing-gum. She had to explain to the child’s mother that her husband was too ill to be disturbed: a statement received by that lady with a resentment visibly supported by the maternal sentiment of the whole car.
That night he slept badly and the next morning his temperature frightened her: she was sure he was growing worse.
The day passed slowly, punctuated by the small irritations of travel. Watching his tired face, she traced in its contractions every rattle and jolt of the train, till her own body vibrated with sympathetic fatigue. She felt the others observing him too, and hovered restlessly between him and the line of interrogative eyes.
The freckled child hung about him like a fly; offers of candy and picture-books failed to dislodge her: she twisted one leg around the other and watched him imperturbably.
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The porter, as he passed, lingered with vague proffers of help, probably inspired by philanthropic passengers swelling with the sense that “something ought to be done;” and one nervous man in a skull-cap was audibly concerned as to the possible effect on his wife’s health.
The hours dragged on in a dreary inoccupation. Towards dusk she sat down beside him and he laid his hand on hers. The touch startled her. He seemed to be calling her from far off.
She looked at him helplessly and his smile went through her like a physical pang.
"Are you very tired?" she asked.
"No, not very."
"We’ll be there soon now."
"Yes, very soon."
"This time to-morrow---"
He nodded and they sat silent. When she had put him to bed and crawled into her own berth she tried to cheer herself with the thought that in less than twenty-four hours they would be in New York.
Her people would all be at the station to meet her—she pictured their round unanxious faces pressing through the crowd. She only hoped they would not tell him too loudly that he was looking splendidly and would be all right in no time: the subtler sympathies developed by long contact with suffering were making her aware of a certain coarseness of texture in the family sensibilities.
Suddenly she thought she heard him call. She parted the curtains and listened. No, it was only a man snoring at the other end of the car. His snores had a greasy sound, as though they passed through tallow. She lay down and tried to sleep.
Had she not heard him move? She started up trembling...
The silence frightened her more than any sound. He might not be able to make her hear—he might be calling her now...
What made her think of such things? It was merely the familiar tendency of an over-tired mind to fasten itself on the most intolerable chance within the range of its forebodings.
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[다음]
2020년 1월 10일 금요일
"A White Heron", 아름다운 자연 다큐멘터리 같은 소설
"A White Heron", 자연 다큐멘터리
이 소설은 1886년 미국 뉴잉글랜드의 한 산촌을 배경으로 쓰여진 자연 다큐멘터리다. 산촌의 풍경과 일상을 아름답게 묘사하고 있다. 소설적 요소로서 손녀를 데려다 키우는 외할머니, 어느날 갑자기 나타난 도시 청년과 소녀의 풋사랑을 가미했다.
이 청년은 조류학자 청년은 백로를 찾아 이곳까지 왔다가 길을 잃었다. 오솔길에서 소녀 목동을 만났다. 이 소녀는 도시에서 어렵게 살다 외할머니 손에 이끌려 산골로 왔다. 소녀가 살골로 온지 일년 가량 밖에 되지 않았지만 자연의 일부처럼 살아가는 중이다. 산골 이곳저곳 안가본 곳이 없다. 산짐승들을 쫒아 해가 지는 줄도 모른다.
갑자기 나타난 청년은 총을 메고 있다. 새를 사랑한다며 새를 잡아 박제하여 보존 한다고 했다. 모순이긴 해도 아주 공손한 청년이다. 이 조류학자는 수년간 희귀한 백로를 갖고 싶어 한다. 자연은 누구의 소유가 될 수 있을까? 청년에게 연심을 느낀 소녀는 백로를 찾아 주고 싶다. 어쩌면 그 새를 죽여야 할지도 모른다. 두렵지만 그 청년의 호감에 이끌린다. 게다가 그는 댓가로 거액을 제안하지 않았던가.
소녀는 조류학자에게 백로의 둥지를 알아다 주려고 새벽에 일어나 홀로 숲으로 갔다. 백로 둥지를 찾기 위해 높은 소나무에 오르는 도중 자연과 교감한다. 새벽 이슬을 머금은 솔가지 조차 소녀가 떨어지지 않도록 꺽어지지 않으려고 애쓰나보다. 밤을 세우고 자러가는 야행성 동물들의 부산한 소리, 아침을 맞으러 깨어나는 부지런한 새들의 지저귐. 잠을 깨웠다고 야단이다. 마침내 소나무 꼭데기에 올랐다. 멀리 바다위로 동이 터온다. 처음보는 장엄한 광경이다. 청년에게 잘 보이려고 위험을 무릅쓰고 올라 왔다.
해가 뜨고 있다. 동트기전 보라색 구름, 아침 노을이 비치기 시작하며 장미빛으로 변하다 이윽고 황금색으로 변한다. 소녀는 바다를 본적이 있을까? 적어도 이렇게 장엄한 모습은 처음일 터였다.
높이올라 세상을 둘러본다. 여기저기 하얀 인가, 교회의 뾰족탑. 잿빛 매 두마리가 눈앞에서 날고 있다. 멀리 늪가의 소나무 숲에서 흰점 하나가 초록물결 위로 날아 오른다. 가늘고 긴다리, 부드러운 흰깃털, 기묘한 목을 하고 활짝편 날개 끝을 펄럭이며 유유히 나는 백로를 발견했다. 이윽고 시끄러운 개똥지빠기 떼에 밀려 녹음 아래로 내려갔다. 백로 둥지가 저기 있다.
소녀는 백로의 둥지를 사냥꾼에게 알려 주기를 주저한다. 무엇이 그녀의 입을 막았을까? 마침내 그녀는 자연을 깨닳는다. 그녀의 연정은 그날로 빈손으로 떠났다. 외로운 소녀는 다시 혼자가 되었다. 이 소녀를 더이상 외롭게 하지 말자. 자연으로 돌아가 소녀와 함께하자. 훼손되기 전에.
이 소설은 긴장이 없다. 등장 인물 사이에 갈등 구조가 없다. 서술자의 시점도 특이하다. 배경을 묘사하고 상황을 설명한다. 주인공이 관찰하는 두꺼비의 입장이 되거나 둥지를 찾아 오르는 소나무의 입장에 서기도 한다. 심지어 자연이 되어 주인공과 대화한다. 주인공이 자연과 교감하였음을 설명한다. 갈등과 긴장보다 설명 위주다. 그래서 소설 보다는 한편의 잘 만들어진 자연 다큐멘터리라고 할 만하다. 급기야 자연으로 돌아가 소녀를 외롭지 않게 하라고 명령하지 않은가!
또한 이 소설의 문장 구조상 특이한 점은 문장 부호의 활용이다. 세미콜론이 매우 적극적으로 활용되고 있다. 세미콜론은 상황의 보조설명을 위해 활용되는 문장부호다. 배경과 서술 시점이 변화할 때마다 이를 설명하기 위해 세미콜론을 사용한 문장이 자주 등장한다.
소설을 완역해 봤다. 가급적 원문에 가깝도록 직역 하였다. 복합 문장은 읽기 편하도록 분해하고 나름대로 감상을 첨가했다. 소설을 감상하기 보다 문장을 분해하고 이해해야 직성이 풀리는 것은 이과 전공자의 습관에서 비롯되었으리라. 물론 비전공자의 견해이니 분해와 해석이 바르다고 할 수 없다.
* 한국 방송통신대학교 영어영문과 신현욱 교수님의 강독을 참고하였다.
이 소설은 1886년 미국 뉴잉글랜드의 한 산촌을 배경으로 쓰여진 자연 다큐멘터리다. 산촌의 풍경과 일상을 아름답게 묘사하고 있다. 소설적 요소로서 손녀를 데려다 키우는 외할머니, 어느날 갑자기 나타난 도시 청년과 소녀의 풋사랑을 가미했다.
이 청년은 조류학자 청년은 백로를 찾아 이곳까지 왔다가 길을 잃었다. 오솔길에서 소녀 목동을 만났다. 이 소녀는 도시에서 어렵게 살다 외할머니 손에 이끌려 산골로 왔다. 소녀가 살골로 온지 일년 가량 밖에 되지 않았지만 자연의 일부처럼 살아가는 중이다. 산골 이곳저곳 안가본 곳이 없다. 산짐승들을 쫒아 해가 지는 줄도 모른다.
갑자기 나타난 청년은 총을 메고 있다. 새를 사랑한다며 새를 잡아 박제하여 보존 한다고 했다. 모순이긴 해도 아주 공손한 청년이다. 이 조류학자는 수년간 희귀한 백로를 갖고 싶어 한다. 자연은 누구의 소유가 될 수 있을까? 청년에게 연심을 느낀 소녀는 백로를 찾아 주고 싶다. 어쩌면 그 새를 죽여야 할지도 모른다. 두렵지만 그 청년의 호감에 이끌린다. 게다가 그는 댓가로 거액을 제안하지 않았던가.
소녀는 조류학자에게 백로의 둥지를 알아다 주려고 새벽에 일어나 홀로 숲으로 갔다. 백로 둥지를 찾기 위해 높은 소나무에 오르는 도중 자연과 교감한다. 새벽 이슬을 머금은 솔가지 조차 소녀가 떨어지지 않도록 꺽어지지 않으려고 애쓰나보다. 밤을 세우고 자러가는 야행성 동물들의 부산한 소리, 아침을 맞으러 깨어나는 부지런한 새들의 지저귐. 잠을 깨웠다고 야단이다. 마침내 소나무 꼭데기에 올랐다. 멀리 바다위로 동이 터온다. 처음보는 장엄한 광경이다. 청년에게 잘 보이려고 위험을 무릅쓰고 올라 왔다.
해가 뜨고 있다. 동트기전 보라색 구름, 아침 노을이 비치기 시작하며 장미빛으로 변하다 이윽고 황금색으로 변한다. 소녀는 바다를 본적이 있을까? 적어도 이렇게 장엄한 모습은 처음일 터였다.
높이올라 세상을 둘러본다. 여기저기 하얀 인가, 교회의 뾰족탑. 잿빛 매 두마리가 눈앞에서 날고 있다. 멀리 늪가의 소나무 숲에서 흰점 하나가 초록물결 위로 날아 오른다. 가늘고 긴다리, 부드러운 흰깃털, 기묘한 목을 하고 활짝편 날개 끝을 펄럭이며 유유히 나는 백로를 발견했다. 이윽고 시끄러운 개똥지빠기 떼에 밀려 녹음 아래로 내려갔다. 백로 둥지가 저기 있다.
소녀는 백로의 둥지를 사냥꾼에게 알려 주기를 주저한다. 무엇이 그녀의 입을 막았을까? 마침내 그녀는 자연을 깨닳는다. 그녀의 연정은 그날로 빈손으로 떠났다. 외로운 소녀는 다시 혼자가 되었다. 이 소녀를 더이상 외롭게 하지 말자. 자연으로 돌아가 소녀와 함께하자. 훼손되기 전에.
이 소설은 긴장이 없다. 등장 인물 사이에 갈등 구조가 없다. 서술자의 시점도 특이하다. 배경을 묘사하고 상황을 설명한다. 주인공이 관찰하는 두꺼비의 입장이 되거나 둥지를 찾아 오르는 소나무의 입장에 서기도 한다. 심지어 자연이 되어 주인공과 대화한다. 주인공이 자연과 교감하였음을 설명한다. 갈등과 긴장보다 설명 위주다. 그래서 소설 보다는 한편의 잘 만들어진 자연 다큐멘터리라고 할 만하다. 급기야 자연으로 돌아가 소녀를 외롭지 않게 하라고 명령하지 않은가!
또한 이 소설의 문장 구조상 특이한 점은 문장 부호의 활용이다. 세미콜론이 매우 적극적으로 활용되고 있다. 세미콜론은 상황의 보조설명을 위해 활용되는 문장부호다. 배경과 서술 시점이 변화할 때마다 이를 설명하기 위해 세미콜론을 사용한 문장이 자주 등장한다.
소설을 완역해 봤다. 가급적 원문에 가깝도록 직역 하였다. 복합 문장은 읽기 편하도록 분해하고 나름대로 감상을 첨가했다. 소설을 감상하기 보다 문장을 분해하고 이해해야 직성이 풀리는 것은 이과 전공자의 습관에서 비롯되었으리라. 물론 비전공자의 견해이니 분해와 해석이 바르다고 할 수 없다.
* 한국 방송통신대학교 영어영문과 신현욱 교수님의 강독을 참고하였다.
2020년 1월 8일 수요일
A White Heron (3)
A White Heron (3)
by Sarah Orne Jewett (1886)
II
Half a mile from home, at the farther edge of the woods, where the land was highest, a great pine-tree stood, the last of its generation.
(거기는) 집에서 반마일 떨어진 곳, 숲의 먼 가장 자리, 높이 솟은 땅, 한 세대의 끝의 커다란 소나무가 서있는 곳(이다).
Whether it was left for a boundary mark, or for what reason, no one could say; the woodchoppers who had felled its mates were dead and gone long ago, and a whole forest of sturdy trees, pines and oaks and maples, had grown again.
경계의 표시인지 아니면 다른 뜻으로 남겨 뒀는지 아무도 모른다. (홀로남은 큰 소나무의) 동료[mates=다른 소나무들]을 쓰러트린(had fell) 벌목꾼이 죽어 사라지자 숲 전체에 단단한 나무들, 소나무 참나무, 단풍나무가 다시 자라났다.
* the woodchoppers had felled its mates: 벌목꾼들이 그의 친구들을 쓰러트렸다. (벌목꾼들이 경계에 서있는 남겨진 이유를 알수 없는 그 소나무의 동료들을 베어 버렸다.)
* the woodchoppers were dead and gone long ago: 벌목꾼이 사라짐을 당하다.(수동태 문장: 세월 앞에 별수없이 사라진 벌목꾼들)
But the stately head of this old pine towered above them all and made a landmark for sea and shore miles and miles away.
늙은 소나무의 위풍당당한(stately) 머리가 솟아 있고 먼먼 바다와 해변의 이정표(landmark)가 되었다.
Sylvia knew it well. She had always believed that whoever climbed to the top of it could see the ocean; and the little girl had often laid her hand on the great rough trunk and looked up wistfully at those dark boughs that the wind always stirred, no matter how hot and still the air might be below.
실비아는 잘알고 있다. 실비아는 그 꼭데기에 오르면 바다를 볼 수 있을 거라고 믿었다. 작은 소녀는 그녀의 손을 거친 소나무의 껍질(trunk)에 얹고(laid on) 아랫쪽 공기가 얼마나 뜨겁고 잔잔한지 개의치 않고 바람에 흔들리는 검은(dark) 가지를 아련히(wistfully) 올려다봤다. [독야청청?]
Now she thought of the tree with a new excitement, for why, if one climbed it at break of day, could not one see all the world, and easily discover from whence the white heron flew, and mark the place, and find the hidden nest?
* at break of day: 날이 깨어날 때(동틀때)
이제 소녀는 새로운 감흥(excitement)으로 나무를 생각했다. 누구라도(one) 동틀녁(at break of day) 나무에 오르면 온세상을 볼 수 있지 않을까, 백로가 어디로 나는지 발견하고 그 위치를 점쳐 숨겨진 둥지를 찾을 수 있지 않을까?
* 새벽녁 높은 곳에서 보면 세상이 깨어나는 것을 모두 볼 수 있다. 백로의 비밀도 알아낼 수 있다.
---
What a spirit of adventure, what wild ambition! What fancied triumph and delight and glory for the later morning when she could make known the secret! It was almost too real and too great for the childish heart to bear.
모험정신! 야생의 욕망! 늦은 아침녁 그녀가 비밀을 알아냈을 때 가져올(fancied) 즐거움과 환희 그리고 성취! 너무나 크고 생생하여 어린이의 심장으로 결뎌낼 수 있을까.
---
All night the door of the little house stood open and the whippoorwills came and sang upon the very step. The young sportsman and his old hostess were sound asleep, but Sylvia's great design kept her broad awake and watching.
* whippoorwills: 쏙독새(야행성조류)
쏙독새가 밤새 문지방에 앉아 노래했다. 젊은 손님과 나이든 집주인(할머니)은 밤새 잠들었지만 실비아는 (아침일찍 소나무에 오르는) 큰(야심찬)계획에 밤새 잠을 잘 수 없었다.
She forgot to think of sleep. The short summer night seemed as long as the winter darkness, and at last when the whippoorwills ceased, and she was afraid the morning would after all come too soon, she stole out of the house
* steal out of ~: ~를 몰래 빠져나가다
소녀는 밤새 잠잘 생각이 없었다. 짧은 여름밤이 마치 긴 겨울의 어둠 같았다(아침을 기다리는 조바심에 시간이 안간다고 느끼다.) 마침내 쏙독새울음이 그치고(ceased) 아침이 너무 빨리 올까봐 걱정하며 몰래 집을 빠져나왔다(steal out of house).
and followed the pasture path through the woods, hastening toward the open ground beyond, listening with a sense of comfort and companionship to the drowsy twitter of a half-awakened bird, whose perch she had jarred in passing.
* hasten: 서두르다, 촉진하다
* perch: 높은 곳, 자리잡다
* jar: 거친소리를 내다
숲을 가로질러 난(through the woods) 목초지 길을 먼 개활지를 향해 서둘러(hastening) 따라갔다(followed). 그녀의 지나는 (발걸음에) 소리에 높이 자리잡은(perch) 반쯤 깬 새들의 졸리운 지저귐을 벗삼아(with companionship) 편안함 기분으로 들으며(listening with~) 갔다.
Alas, if the great wave of human interest which flooded for the first time this dull little life should sweep away the satisfactions of an existence, (the satisfaction is) heart to heart with nature and the dumb life of the forest!
* flood: ~ 로 범람하다
저런! 처음으로 이 작은 단조로운 삶(할머니와 실비의 숲속 생활)으로 밀려 들어온 인간 관심의 거대한 물결(사냥꾼 조류학자)이 이 말못하는(dumb: 벙어리) 작은 생명과 자연이 마음으로 이어진 존재의 충만(만족)을 휩쓸면 (어쩌나!).
There was the huge tree asleep yet in the paling moonlight, and small and silly Sylvia began with utmost bravery to mount to the top of it, / with tingling, eager blood coursing the channels of her whole frame, / with her bare feet and fingers, that pinched and held like bird's claws to the monstrous ladder reaching up, up, almost to the sky itself.
창백한 달빛에 아직 잠이 덜 깬 커다란 나무가 있었고 가녀린 실비아가 꼭데기에 오르기 위해 최고의 용기를 낼 참이다(~begin with bravery).
* tingle: 들뜨게하다(흥분)
열정의 피가 그녀의 온몸(whole frame)의 혈관(channel)을 흘러(coursing) 들썩이기 시작했다(~begin with tingling).
* pinch: 죄다
* pinch and hold like~:~처엄 움켜쥐다.
거의 하늘까지 닿을듯이 위로만 뻗은 무시무시한 사다리(이리저리 뻗은 가지를 비유함)에 새의 발톱(claw)처럼 움켜쥔(pinch and hold like~) 그녀의 맨발과 맨손으로 시작했다(~begin with bare foot and hands).
First she must mount the white oak tree that grew alongside, / where she was almost lost among the dark branches and the green leaves heavy and wet with dew; / a bird fluttered off its nest, and a red squirrel ran to and fro and scolded pettishly at the harmless housebreaker.
먼저 그녀는 옆으로난 참나무 가지를 올라야 했다. 먼저 그녀는 어두운 가지들과 이슬에 젖어 묵직해진 녹색잎 사이에서 갈피를 잡을 수 없어(be lost:길을 잃다) 그 옆(alongside)으로 자란 흰 참나무 가지로 먼저 올라야만 했다.
* 소나무를 오르는 것이 목표 였지만 옆으로 뻗은 흰 참나무 가지를 먼저 타고 올라야 했다. 소나무의 가지들이 무성했고 아침 이슬을 잔뜩 머금고 있었기 때문이다.
*flutter: 두근거리다. 펄럭이다.
* (참나무 가지에서는) 해가없는(harmless) 훼방꾼(housebreaker: 집을 부수는 사람)에게 새들이 둥지에서 (날개를)펄럭이고 빨간 다람쥐가 이리저리 법석(run to and fro)였고 까다롭게(pettishly) 야단이었다(scold).
Sylvia felt her way easily. She had often climbed there, and knew that higher still one of the oak's upper branches chafed against the pine trunk, just where its lower boughs were set close together.
* chafe: 비벼서 따뜻하게하다. (맞다아) 쓸리다. 마찰하다.
실비아는 수월히 길을 잡았다. 그녀는 가끔 거기에 오른적이 있기에 (앞서 올랐던 곳보다) 더높은, 참나무의 위쪽 가지중 하나가 소나무 줄기에 맞닿아(chafe against ~) 있을 거라는 것을 알고 있다. (맞닿은 곳)아래 줄기들(소나무 줄기와 참나무 줄기)은 서로 가까울 터였다(be set~).
There, when she made the dangerous pass from one tree to the other, the great enterprise would really begin.
이쪽 나무에서 저쪽나무로 위험한 통과 감행할 때(make pass), 대 모험(계획)이 정말로 시작되는 셈이다.
* 나무에 오르는 것도 힘겹긴 하겠지만 정말 위험한 순간은 나무와 나무 사이를 건너는 때다.
---
She crept out along the swaying oak limb at last, and took the daring step across into the old pine-tree.
마침내 흔들리는 참나무 가지를 기어 올라 소나무로 과감하게 발을 옮겼다.
The way was harder than she thought; she must reach far and hold fast, the sharp dry twigs caught and held her and scratched her like angry talons, the pitch made her thin little fingers clumsy and stiff as she went round and round the tree's great stem, higher and higher upward.
* talon: 발톱
그 길은 생각보다 힘들었다. (손을)멀리 뻗어 (가지를) 재빨리 잡아야 했다. 날카로운 마른 가지들이 그녀를 잡고(catch) 놓아주지 않고(hold) 마치 성난 발톱처럼 생채기(scratch)를 남겼다. 나무의 커다란 줄기를 엉금 엉금, 높이 높이 오를 때 수액(the pitch)이 그녀의 작은 손가락을 굼뜨고(clumsy) 뻣뻣하게(stiff) 했다.
The sparrows and robins in the woods below were beginning to wake and twitter to the dawn, yet it seemed much lighter there aloft in the pine-tree, and the child knew she must hurry if her project were to be of any use.
(나무)아래 숲의 참새와 지빠귀새가 새벽녁에 깨어나 조잘대기 시작했다. 하지만 소나무 위쪽으로 더 밝아지는것 같았다. 그녀의 계획을 실행 하려면 서둘러야 한다.
---
The tree seemed to lengthen itself out as she went up, and to reach farther and farther upward. It was like a great main-mast to the voyaging earth;
* amaze: ~을 놀라게하다. / be amazed: 놀라다
* ponderous: 육중한
* wend: 가다, 나가다
소녀가 오를 수록 나무는 스스로 길어지고 높아지는 것 같았다. 마치 항해하는 지구의 주 돛대 같다.
it must truly have been amazed that morning / through all its ponderous frame / as it felt this determined spark of human spirit wending its way from higher branch to branch.
모든 견고한(ponderous) 틀을 깨고, 더높은 가지에서 가지로 자신의 길을 가는 인간 정신의 단호한(determined) 불꽃(의지)을 느낀 그날 아침에(that morning, 시간의 부사) 그 나무는 진정으로 놀랐음이 분명했다.
* 나무가 놀라서 스스로 길이를 늘인 이유를 설명한다.
*************************************
* "콜론(:)의 용도는 "리스트", 혹은 "동의문, 세미콜론(;)의 용도는 "관련문장" 혹은 "보조설명"[참조]
* "Colons (:) are used in sentences to show that something is following, like a quotation, example, or list. Semicolons (;) are used to join two independent clauses, or two complete thoughts that could stand alone as complete sentences."[Link]
*************************************
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Who knows how steadily the least twigs held themselves to advantage this light, weak creature on her way!
* twig: 1. 가지, 점치는 가지 2. 알다, 깨닫다
* advantage: 1. 이익, 혜택 2. ~을 이롭게하다
이 작고 약한 생명체를 이롭게 하기 위해 가장작은 가지(least twig)가 스스로를 붙들고 있는지 누가 알랴(who knows)!
* 소녀가 오르면서 잡은 작은 가지들이 부러지지 않고 있는것에 대한 감탄. 나무들도 소녀의 의지에 감동받았다.
The old pine must have loved his new dependent. More than all the hawks, and bats, and moths, and even the sweet voiced thrushes, was the brave, beating heart of the solitary gray-eyed child.
* (도치구문) the brave, beating heart of the solitary gray-eyed child was more than all the hawks, and bats, and moths, and even the sweet voiced thrushes.
늙은 소나무는 그의 새로 딸린(것)을 사랑해야 했다(must have loved). 용감한, 뛰는 가슴의 외롭고 회색눈은 가진 아이가 매와 박쥐, 나방, 심지어 달콤한 목소리의 지빠귀새(thrush) 보다도 훨씬더(사랑해야 한다.
And the tree stood still and frowned away the winds that June morning while the dawn grew bright in the east.
* frown: 눈살을 찌푸리다
그리고 그 나무는 굳건히 서있었고 동이 트는 동안 (불던) 유월 아침의 바람을 눈살찌푸리면서 보냈다(frown away).
* 지나는 바람에 개의치 않는 나무의 굳건함은 사군자의 소나무에 견줄만 하다.
---
Sylvia's face was like a pale star, if one had seen it from the ground, when the last thorny bough was past, and she stood trembling and tired but wholly triumphant, high in the tree-top.
가시돋힌 마지막 가지를 지날때 땅에서 봤더라면 실비아의 얼굴은 창백한 별 같았다. 그리고 그녀는 떨리고 지쳤지만 전반적으로 나무의 꼭데기 높은 곳에 도달한 승리로 서있었다.
Yes, there was the sea with the dawning sun making a golden dazzle over it, and toward that glorious east flew two hawks with slow-moving pinions.
그렇다. 거기에 금빛의 눈부신 새벽의 태양이 비추는(sea with ~) 바다가 있었다. (바다가 주인공이다.) 그 멋진 동쪽을 향해 두마리의 매가 천천히 움직이는 날개끝(pinion)을 하고 날아갔다. (날개끝을 천천히 움직이며)
How low they looked in the air from that height when one had only seen them before far up, and dark against the blue sky.
그 높이에서 하늘에 떠서 (보니) 그들이 얼마나 낮게 보이는가. 이전에 멀리 올려다 보기만 했다면 파란 하늘에 검은 점일 뿐이었다.
Their gray feathers were as soft as moths; they seemed only a little way from the tree, and Sylvia felt as if she too could go flying away among the clouds.
그들의 회색 깃털은 나방 처럼 부드러웠다. 나무에서 조금 떨어져 보였다. 실비아는 구름 사이를 멀리 나는듯 했다.
Westward, the woodlands and farms reached miles and miles into the distance; here and there were church steeples, and white villages, truly it was a vast and awesome world.
서쪽으로, 숲과 농장이 멀리 수마일에 걸쳐 있다. 여기저기 교회의 뾰족탑과 하얀 마을이 여기저기 있다. 진정 크고 놀라운 세상의 모습이다.
---
The birds sang louder and louder. At last the sun came up bewilderingly bright.
* bewilderingly:어리둥절하게
새들의 노랫소리가 점점더 커졌다. 마침내 해가 속절없이(부지불식간에) 밝아졌다.
Sylvia could see the white sails of ships out at sea, and the clouds that were purple and rose-colored and yellow at first began to fade away.
실비아는 바다에 (뜬) 배의 하얀 돗을 볼 수 있었으리라. 처음에 보랏빛에서 장밋빛으로 이어 노란색(동이 트면서 구름 색의 변화)이었던 구름은 멀리 서서히 엷어졌다(fade away).
Where was the white heron's nest in the sea of green branches, and was this wonderful sight and pageant of the world the only reward for having climbed to such a giddy height?
* pageant: 1. (미인)경연대회 2. 화려함
녹색가지의 바다에서 백로의 둥지는 어디에 있을까? 이런 멋진 광경(sight)과 세상의 화려함(pageant)이 현기증나는(giddy) 높이에 오른 유일한 보상일까?
Now look down again, Sylvia, where the green marsh is set among the shining birches and dark hemlocks; there where you saw the white heron once you will see him again; look, look! a white spot of him like a single floating feather comes up from the dead hemlock and grows larger, and rises, and comes close at last, and goes by the landmark pine with steady sweep of wing and outstretched slender neck and crested head.
실비아는 빛나는 자작나무(birches)와 짙은 솔송나무(hemlocks)들 사이의 녹색의 습지를 내려다 봤다. 지난번 백로를 한번 봤던 그곳이다. 다시보게될까. 봐, 봐!(look, look!) 떠다니는 깃털같은 하얀점의 백로가 죽은 솔송나무 위로 오르고 있네(comes up). 활짝 편 날개(steady sweep wing), 길게뻗은 나는 목(outstretched slender neck), 볕을 단 목(crested neck)의 백로가 두드러진(landmark) 소나무를 스치며 날아가네(goes by).
* 현재형 시제를 써서 백로가 소나무 숲 위로 나는 풍경을 현장에서 보는듯이 생생하게 묘사하고 있다. 마치 자연 다큐멘터리의 나레이션 같다.
And wait! wait! do not move a foot or a finger, little girl, do not send an arrow of light and consciousness from your two eager eyes, for the heron has perched on a pine bough not far beyond yours, and cries back to his mate on the nest and plumes his feathers for the new day!
잠시 기다려보렴! 작은 소녀야 너의 열정적인 두눈에서 관심과 빛의 화살을 날리지 말렴. 백로가 멀지 않은 소나무 가지에 앉아서(has perched) 둥지의 친구를 부르고 있구나(cries back), 새날을 위해 깃털을 고르고(plumes his feathers) 있구나. !
* plume: 깃털을 달다
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[처음] [다음]
[감상]"A White Heron", 아름다운 자연 다큐멘터리 같은 소설
by Sarah Orne Jewett (1886)
II
Half a mile from home, at the farther edge of the woods, where the land was highest, a great pine-tree stood, the last of its generation.
(거기는) 집에서 반마일 떨어진 곳, 숲의 먼 가장 자리, 높이 솟은 땅, 한 세대의 끝의 커다란 소나무가 서있는 곳(이다).
Whether it was left for a boundary mark, or for what reason, no one could say; the woodchoppers who had felled its mates were dead and gone long ago, and a whole forest of sturdy trees, pines and oaks and maples, had grown again.
경계의 표시인지 아니면 다른 뜻으로 남겨 뒀는지 아무도 모른다. (홀로남은 큰 소나무의) 동료[mates=다른 소나무들]을 쓰러트린(had fell) 벌목꾼이 죽어 사라지자 숲 전체에 단단한 나무들, 소나무 참나무, 단풍나무가 다시 자라났다.
* the woodchoppers had felled its mates: 벌목꾼들이 그의 친구들을 쓰러트렸다. (벌목꾼들이 경계에 서있는 남겨진 이유를 알수 없는 그 소나무의 동료들을 베어 버렸다.)
* the woodchoppers were dead and gone long ago: 벌목꾼이 사라짐을 당하다.(수동태 문장: 세월 앞에 별수없이 사라진 벌목꾼들)
But the stately head of this old pine towered above them all and made a landmark for sea and shore miles and miles away.
늙은 소나무의 위풍당당한(stately) 머리가 솟아 있고 먼먼 바다와 해변의 이정표(landmark)가 되었다.
Sylvia knew it well. She had always believed that whoever climbed to the top of it could see the ocean; and the little girl had often laid her hand on the great rough trunk and looked up wistfully at those dark boughs that the wind always stirred, no matter how hot and still the air might be below.
실비아는 잘알고 있다. 실비아는 그 꼭데기에 오르면 바다를 볼 수 있을 거라고 믿었다. 작은 소녀는 그녀의 손을 거친 소나무의 껍질(trunk)에 얹고(laid on) 아랫쪽 공기가 얼마나 뜨겁고 잔잔한지 개의치 않고 바람에 흔들리는 검은(dark) 가지를 아련히(wistfully) 올려다봤다. [독야청청?]
Now she thought of the tree with a new excitement, for why, if one climbed it at break of day, could not one see all the world, and easily discover from whence the white heron flew, and mark the place, and find the hidden nest?
* at break of day: 날이 깨어날 때(동틀때)
이제 소녀는 새로운 감흥(excitement)으로 나무를 생각했다. 누구라도(one) 동틀녁(at break of day) 나무에 오르면 온세상을 볼 수 있지 않을까, 백로가 어디로 나는지 발견하고 그 위치를 점쳐 숨겨진 둥지를 찾을 수 있지 않을까?
* 새벽녁 높은 곳에서 보면 세상이 깨어나는 것을 모두 볼 수 있다. 백로의 비밀도 알아낼 수 있다.
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What a spirit of adventure, what wild ambition! What fancied triumph and delight and glory for the later morning when she could make known the secret! It was almost too real and too great for the childish heart to bear.
모험정신! 야생의 욕망! 늦은 아침녁 그녀가 비밀을 알아냈을 때 가져올(fancied) 즐거움과 환희 그리고 성취! 너무나 크고 생생하여 어린이의 심장으로 결뎌낼 수 있을까.
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All night the door of the little house stood open and the whippoorwills came and sang upon the very step. The young sportsman and his old hostess were sound asleep, but Sylvia's great design kept her broad awake and watching.
* whippoorwills: 쏙독새(야행성조류)
쏙독새가 밤새 문지방에 앉아 노래했다. 젊은 손님과 나이든 집주인(할머니)은 밤새 잠들었지만 실비아는 (아침일찍 소나무에 오르는) 큰(야심찬)계획에 밤새 잠을 잘 수 없었다.
She forgot to think of sleep. The short summer night seemed as long as the winter darkness, and at last when the whippoorwills ceased, and she was afraid the morning would after all come too soon, she stole out of the house
* steal out of ~: ~를 몰래 빠져나가다
소녀는 밤새 잠잘 생각이 없었다. 짧은 여름밤이 마치 긴 겨울의 어둠 같았다(아침을 기다리는 조바심에 시간이 안간다고 느끼다.) 마침내 쏙독새울음이 그치고(ceased) 아침이 너무 빨리 올까봐 걱정하며 몰래 집을 빠져나왔다(steal out of house).
and followed the pasture path through the woods, hastening toward the open ground beyond, listening with a sense of comfort and companionship to the drowsy twitter of a half-awakened bird, whose perch she had jarred in passing.
* hasten: 서두르다, 촉진하다
* perch: 높은 곳, 자리잡다
* jar: 거친소리를 내다
숲을 가로질러 난(through the woods) 목초지 길을 먼 개활지를 향해 서둘러(hastening) 따라갔다(followed). 그녀의 지나는 (발걸음에) 소리에 높이 자리잡은(perch) 반쯤 깬 새들의 졸리운 지저귐을 벗삼아(with companionship) 편안함 기분으로 들으며(listening with~) 갔다.
Alas, if the great wave of human interest which flooded for the first time this dull little life should sweep away the satisfactions of an existence, (the satisfaction is) heart to heart with nature and the dumb life of the forest!
* flood: ~ 로 범람하다
저런! 처음으로 이 작은 단조로운 삶(할머니와 실비의 숲속 생활)으로 밀려 들어온 인간 관심의 거대한 물결(사냥꾼 조류학자)이 이 말못하는(dumb: 벙어리) 작은 생명과 자연이 마음으로 이어진 존재의 충만(만족)을 휩쓸면 (어쩌나!).
There was the huge tree asleep yet in the paling moonlight, and small and silly Sylvia began with utmost bravery to mount to the top of it, / with tingling, eager blood coursing the channels of her whole frame, / with her bare feet and fingers, that pinched and held like bird's claws to the monstrous ladder reaching up, up, almost to the sky itself.
창백한 달빛에 아직 잠이 덜 깬 커다란 나무가 있었고 가녀린 실비아가 꼭데기에 오르기 위해 최고의 용기를 낼 참이다(~begin with bravery).
* tingle: 들뜨게하다(흥분)
열정의 피가 그녀의 온몸(whole frame)의 혈관(channel)을 흘러(coursing) 들썩이기 시작했다(~begin with tingling).
* pinch: 죄다
* pinch and hold like~:~처엄 움켜쥐다.
거의 하늘까지 닿을듯이 위로만 뻗은 무시무시한 사다리(이리저리 뻗은 가지를 비유함)에 새의 발톱(claw)처럼 움켜쥔(pinch and hold like~) 그녀의 맨발과 맨손으로 시작했다(~begin with bare foot and hands).
First she must mount the white oak tree that grew alongside, / where she was almost lost among the dark branches and the green leaves heavy and wet with dew; / a bird fluttered off its nest, and a red squirrel ran to and fro and scolded pettishly at the harmless housebreaker.
먼저 그녀는 옆으로난 참나무 가지를 올라야 했다. 먼저 그녀는 어두운 가지들과 이슬에 젖어 묵직해진 녹색잎 사이에서 갈피를 잡을 수 없어(be lost:길을 잃다) 그 옆(alongside)으로 자란 흰 참나무 가지로 먼저 올라야만 했다.
* 소나무를 오르는 것이 목표 였지만 옆으로 뻗은 흰 참나무 가지를 먼저 타고 올라야 했다. 소나무의 가지들이 무성했고 아침 이슬을 잔뜩 머금고 있었기 때문이다.
*flutter: 두근거리다. 펄럭이다.
* (참나무 가지에서는) 해가없는(harmless) 훼방꾼(housebreaker: 집을 부수는 사람)에게 새들이 둥지에서 (날개를)펄럭이고 빨간 다람쥐가 이리저리 법석(run to and fro)였고 까다롭게(pettishly) 야단이었다(scold).
Sylvia felt her way easily. She had often climbed there, and knew that higher still one of the oak's upper branches chafed against the pine trunk, just where its lower boughs were set close together.
* chafe: 비벼서 따뜻하게하다. (맞다아) 쓸리다. 마찰하다.
실비아는 수월히 길을 잡았다. 그녀는 가끔 거기에 오른적이 있기에 (앞서 올랐던 곳보다) 더높은, 참나무의 위쪽 가지중 하나가 소나무 줄기에 맞닿아(chafe against ~) 있을 거라는 것을 알고 있다. (맞닿은 곳)아래 줄기들(소나무 줄기와 참나무 줄기)은 서로 가까울 터였다(be set~).
There, when she made the dangerous pass from one tree to the other, the great enterprise would really begin.
이쪽 나무에서 저쪽나무로 위험한 통과 감행할 때(make pass), 대 모험(계획)이 정말로 시작되는 셈이다.
* 나무에 오르는 것도 힘겹긴 하겠지만 정말 위험한 순간은 나무와 나무 사이를 건너는 때다.
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She crept out along the swaying oak limb at last, and took the daring step across into the old pine-tree.
마침내 흔들리는 참나무 가지를 기어 올라 소나무로 과감하게 발을 옮겼다.
The way was harder than she thought; she must reach far and hold fast, the sharp dry twigs caught and held her and scratched her like angry talons, the pitch made her thin little fingers clumsy and stiff as she went round and round the tree's great stem, higher and higher upward.
* talon: 발톱
그 길은 생각보다 힘들었다. (손을)멀리 뻗어 (가지를) 재빨리 잡아야 했다. 날카로운 마른 가지들이 그녀를 잡고(catch) 놓아주지 않고(hold) 마치 성난 발톱처럼 생채기(scratch)를 남겼다. 나무의 커다란 줄기를 엉금 엉금, 높이 높이 오를 때 수액(the pitch)이 그녀의 작은 손가락을 굼뜨고(clumsy) 뻣뻣하게(stiff) 했다.
The sparrows and robins in the woods below were beginning to wake and twitter to the dawn, yet it seemed much lighter there aloft in the pine-tree, and the child knew she must hurry if her project were to be of any use.
(나무)아래 숲의 참새와 지빠귀새가 새벽녁에 깨어나 조잘대기 시작했다. 하지만 소나무 위쪽으로 더 밝아지는것 같았다. 그녀의 계획을 실행 하려면 서둘러야 한다.
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The tree seemed to lengthen itself out as she went up, and to reach farther and farther upward. It was like a great main-mast to the voyaging earth;
* amaze: ~을 놀라게하다. / be amazed: 놀라다
* ponderous: 육중한
* wend: 가다, 나가다
소녀가 오를 수록 나무는 스스로 길어지고 높아지는 것 같았다. 마치 항해하는 지구의 주 돛대 같다.
it must truly have been amazed that morning / through all its ponderous frame / as it felt this determined spark of human spirit wending its way from higher branch to branch.
모든 견고한(ponderous) 틀을 깨고, 더높은 가지에서 가지로 자신의 길을 가는 인간 정신의 단호한(determined) 불꽃(의지)을 느낀 그날 아침에(that morning, 시간의 부사) 그 나무는 진정으로 놀랐음이 분명했다.
* 나무가 놀라서 스스로 길이를 늘인 이유를 설명한다.
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* "콜론(:)의 용도는 "리스트", 혹은 "동의문, 세미콜론(;)의 용도는 "관련문장" 혹은 "보조설명"[참조]
* "Colons (:) are used in sentences to show that something is following, like a quotation, example, or list. Semicolons (;) are used to join two independent clauses, or two complete thoughts that could stand alone as complete sentences."[Link]
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Who knows how steadily the least twigs held themselves to advantage this light, weak creature on her way!
* twig: 1. 가지, 점치는 가지 2. 알다, 깨닫다
* advantage: 1. 이익, 혜택 2. ~을 이롭게하다
이 작고 약한 생명체를 이롭게 하기 위해 가장작은 가지(least twig)가 스스로를 붙들고 있는지 누가 알랴(who knows)!
* 소녀가 오르면서 잡은 작은 가지들이 부러지지 않고 있는것에 대한 감탄. 나무들도 소녀의 의지에 감동받았다.
The old pine must have loved his new dependent. More than all the hawks, and bats, and moths, and even the sweet voiced thrushes, was the brave, beating heart of the solitary gray-eyed child.
* (도치구문) the brave, beating heart of the solitary gray-eyed child was more than all the hawks, and bats, and moths, and even the sweet voiced thrushes.
늙은 소나무는 그의 새로 딸린(것)을 사랑해야 했다(must have loved). 용감한, 뛰는 가슴의 외롭고 회색눈은 가진 아이가 매와 박쥐, 나방, 심지어 달콤한 목소리의 지빠귀새(thrush) 보다도 훨씬더(사랑해야 한다.
* frown: 눈살을 찌푸리다
그리고 그 나무는 굳건히 서있었고 동이 트는 동안 (불던) 유월 아침의 바람을 눈살찌푸리면서 보냈다(frown away).
* 지나는 바람에 개의치 않는 나무의 굳건함은 사군자의 소나무에 견줄만 하다.
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Sylvia's face was like a pale star, if one had seen it from the ground, when the last thorny bough was past, and she stood trembling and tired but wholly triumphant, high in the tree-top.
가시돋힌 마지막 가지를 지날때 땅에서 봤더라면 실비아의 얼굴은 창백한 별 같았다. 그리고 그녀는 떨리고 지쳤지만 전반적으로 나무의 꼭데기 높은 곳에 도달한 승리로 서있었다.
Yes, there was the sea with the dawning sun making a golden dazzle over it, and toward that glorious east flew two hawks with slow-moving pinions.
그렇다. 거기에 금빛의 눈부신 새벽의 태양이 비추는(sea with ~) 바다가 있었다. (바다가 주인공이다.) 그 멋진 동쪽을 향해 두마리의 매가 천천히 움직이는 날개끝(pinion)을 하고 날아갔다. (날개끝을 천천히 움직이며)
How low they looked in the air from that height when one had only seen them before far up, and dark against the blue sky.
그 높이에서 하늘에 떠서 (보니) 그들이 얼마나 낮게 보이는가. 이전에 멀리 올려다 보기만 했다면 파란 하늘에 검은 점일 뿐이었다.
Their gray feathers were as soft as moths; they seemed only a little way from the tree, and Sylvia felt as if she too could go flying away among the clouds.
그들의 회색 깃털은 나방 처럼 부드러웠다. 나무에서 조금 떨어져 보였다. 실비아는 구름 사이를 멀리 나는듯 했다.
Westward, the woodlands and farms reached miles and miles into the distance; here and there were church steeples, and white villages, truly it was a vast and awesome world.
서쪽으로, 숲과 농장이 멀리 수마일에 걸쳐 있다. 여기저기 교회의 뾰족탑과 하얀 마을이 여기저기 있다. 진정 크고 놀라운 세상의 모습이다.
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The birds sang louder and louder. At last the sun came up bewilderingly bright.
* bewilderingly:어리둥절하게
새들의 노랫소리가 점점더 커졌다. 마침내 해가 속절없이(부지불식간에) 밝아졌다.
Sylvia could see the white sails of ships out at sea, and the clouds that were purple and rose-colored and yellow at first began to fade away.
실비아는 바다에 (뜬) 배의 하얀 돗을 볼 수 있었으리라. 처음에 보랏빛에서 장밋빛으로 이어 노란색(동이 트면서 구름 색의 변화)이었던 구름은 멀리 서서히 엷어졌다(fade away).
Where was the white heron's nest in the sea of green branches, and was this wonderful sight and pageant of the world the only reward for having climbed to such a giddy height?
* pageant: 1. (미인)경연대회 2. 화려함
녹색가지의 바다에서 백로의 둥지는 어디에 있을까? 이런 멋진 광경(sight)과 세상의 화려함(pageant)이 현기증나는(giddy) 높이에 오른 유일한 보상일까?
Now look down again, Sylvia, where the green marsh is set among the shining birches and dark hemlocks; there where you saw the white heron once you will see him again; look, look! a white spot of him like a single floating feather comes up from the dead hemlock and grows larger, and rises, and comes close at last, and goes by the landmark pine with steady sweep of wing and outstretched slender neck and crested head.
실비아는 빛나는 자작나무(birches)와 짙은 솔송나무(hemlocks)들 사이의 녹색의 습지를 내려다 봤다. 지난번 백로를 한번 봤던 그곳이다. 다시보게될까. 봐, 봐!(look, look!) 떠다니는 깃털같은 하얀점의 백로가 죽은 솔송나무 위로 오르고 있네(comes up). 활짝 편 날개(steady sweep wing), 길게뻗은 나는 목(outstretched slender neck), 볕을 단 목(crested neck)의 백로가 두드러진(landmark) 소나무를 스치며 날아가네(goes by).
* 현재형 시제를 써서 백로가 소나무 숲 위로 나는 풍경을 현장에서 보는듯이 생생하게 묘사하고 있다. 마치 자연 다큐멘터리의 나레이션 같다.
And wait! wait! do not move a foot or a finger, little girl, do not send an arrow of light and consciousness from your two eager eyes, for the heron has perched on a pine bough not far beyond yours, and cries back to his mate on the nest and plumes his feathers for the new day!
잠시 기다려보렴! 작은 소녀야 너의 열정적인 두눈에서 관심과 빛의 화살을 날리지 말렴. 백로가 멀지 않은 소나무 가지에 앉아서(has perched) 둥지의 친구를 부르고 있구나(cries back), 새날을 위해 깃털을 고르고(plumes his feathers) 있구나. !
* plume: 깃털을 달다
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[처음] [다음]
[감상]"A White Heron", 아름다운 자연 다큐멘터리 같은 소설
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